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FREDLESS

Wes: "You wouldn"t dare. - You were just going to toss in a Prothgarian broadsword with a third-century ceremonial Sancteus dagger?"

Cordy: "Hmm. Let"s see. Long, metal, pointy. - Yup."
Wes: "Cordy! The purpose of an inventory..."
Gunn: "Yes, give us that purpose of an inventory speech - again."
Wes: "This wasn"t my idea."
Cordy: "No. Angel - keeps complaining that the weapons cabinet is all different. But, Wesley, who"s the boss around here? You - or the guy with the pancreas dagger."
Fred: "What time is it?"
Cordy: "Six twenty four, and for those of you who are playing the home game: that"s exactly three minutes from the last time you asked."

Fred: "I"m sorry. I just - I have this theory that the more you are aware of time the more slowly it moves, which *could* make light speed travel possible, but only if you were to concentrate really..."

Cordy: "He"ll be back when he"s back."
Fred: "So - now that she"s alive again, are they gonna get back together? Angel and that girl with the goofy name?"
Wes: "Well - *Fred* - that"s a difficult question. I think it"s fair to say - no. Not a chance, never, no way, not in a million years, and also "nuh-uh.""
Fred: "But you said he loved her. And of course she"s gonna love him back, because he"s so strong and handsome and he really listens when you talk. I-I mean, if you go for that sort of thing, why wouldn"t it work?"

Cordy: "Let me break it down for you, Fred."
Cordy: "Oh - Angel! I know that I"m a Slayer and you a vampire - and it would be *impossible* for us to *be* together - *but!*"
Wes: "But!"
"My gypsy curse sometimes prevent me from seeing the truth. Oh, Buffy!"
Cordy: "Yes, Angel?"
Wes: "Oh, I love you so much I almost forgot to *brood!*"
Cordy: "And just because I sent you to hell that one time doesn"t mean that we can"t just be friends."
"Oh!"
Wes: "Or possibly more."
Cordy: "Gasp! No! We mustn"t."
Wes: "Kiss me."
Cordy: "Bite me!"
Angel: "How about you both bite me."

Fred: "You"re back!"
Gunn: "How"d it go?"
Angel: "I think those two pretty much summed it up. To be honest - I *really* don"t wanna talk about it."
Cordy: "But... ah, Angel - we"re your friends. and, and it-it"s not healthy to repress stuff like *this.* You-you need to share your - pain, express those feelings of grief and longing or... The curiosity is gonna kill me!"
Angel: "Oh, no. Wouldn"t want that."
Fred: "Personally, I don"t care at all what happened."
Cordy: "Shut up, Fred."
Angel: "Actually, you know what I need right now? - Ice cream. You wanna get some ice cream?"
Fred: "I like Ice cream!"
Cordy: "Now we"ll never, ever know."

Angel: "That"s right."
Fred: "This has been the best night ever! First there"s you taking me to ice cream, then there is the ice cream, then that monster jumps out of the freezer and you"re all brave and "Fred, watch out!", and then we get to chase it down into the sewers, which are just so bleak and oppressive and - homey. And, and I could build a condo down here."

Angel: "I"m glad you"re having fun."
Fred: "You think maybe the monster just wanted a sugar cone?"
Angel: "I doubt it. Durslar beasts don"t usually come above ground like that. They tend to stick to the sewers."
Fred: "Lucky stiffs. They get to lead lives of mysterious sewage while I"m just plain ol" boring ol" Fred."

Angel: "Boring? That"s not a word I"d use for you."
Fred: "Fine. Nutty-ol"-goonie-bird-up-in her-room-doin"-nothin"-but-moochin"-off-Angel Fred.
I swear I don"t know how you all put up with me. I practically need flashcards to understand my: pretty crystals. Oh, look. They"re everywhere." "It wasn"t me."
Angel: "Oh, no, no, no. We must be near the Durslar"s lair. Why don"t you head back on to the hotel. I can take it from here."

Fred: "But shouldn"t we call Wesley first and maybe, you know, the army?"

Angel: "Nah. Durslar beasts are pretty Faulknerian. Lotta sound, no fury. Think you can find your way back okay?"
Fred: "I think so. 128 meters back, eastward fork, 207 meters to the southward fork, hang a right, 12 meters in... I"m just being a big nerd again, aren"t I? I"m gonna go now."

"A-are you sure you"re gonna be okay? Because I can stay with you. I really don"t mind."
Angel: "I"ll be fine."
Fred: "You don"t need me. Okay. Bye!"
"Are you sure?"
Angel: "I"m fine!"
Fred: "Okay. Bye then!"

Intro

Wes: "Three-pronged Scythian death spear, category six. Weapons cabinet, third shelf."

"You know, back in my days as a rogue demon hunter I once used that very spear to pin down what I thought was a small Rodentius demon - of course the poodle"s owners weren"t very happy."

Gunn: "Would you hurry up and get a vision already?"
Cordy: "Ah, gee, Gunn, much as I would *love* to endure another soul-splittingly agonizing psychic invasion for your benef-ow! Ow! Ow!"


Gunn: "Yes! Yes!"
Cordy: "No! Ow, Fred! Ouch. I really wish she wouldn"t leave her toys lying around!"

.Gunn: "Ooh! Pretty wicked looking toy!"

Wes: "I"ll say. It almost looks like a spring-loaded decapitation device."
Cordy: "Or it makes toast. With her you never know."
Man"s voice: "Ah. Excuse me! Ah, is this Angel Investigations?"
Wes: "Yes. Can we help you?"
Roger: "I sure hope so. I"m Roger, and this is my wife, Trish. Ah, we"re sorry to barge in on your... arsenal here, but - we really need to talk to you."

Wes: "Of course. Please, step into my office."

"I"m Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. These are my colleagues, Cordelia Chase and Charles Gunn."
"What can we do for you?"
Trish: "It"s our daughter. She"s missing."
Cordy: "Oh, no. Kidnapped by evil fiends?"
Trish: "We"re not sure."
Wes: "I see. Was your daughter involved in any kind of demon worship?"
Roger: "Of course not!"
Gunn: "Could be a vampire. Hard luck tracking one of those in a city this big, but don"t worry. We"re detectives. We can find anyone."

Roger: "We already hired a detective."
Wes: "And he couldn"t locate her."
Roger: "He said she was staying here - in your hotel."
Trish: "Her name is Winifred Burkle. We call her Fred."
Gunn: "Fred"s your daughter?"
Trish: "Yes. You know her?"
Roger: "Is she here? Is she alright?"
Wes: "She"s fine and - out at the moment - with one of our associates."
Cordy: "Who is not an evil fiend - or a vampire - because they don"t exist. In - case you aren"t familiar with our LA gumshoe detective slang."

Roger: "But what happened to her? It"s been five years -- has she been with y"all this whole time?"
Wes: "No. Ah, we"ve only known Fred for a few months, really. - You see we found her in..."
Cordy: "Ah, a fit of depression."
Trish: "Fred was depressed? Over what?"
Wes: "She had recently relocated and was - having trouble adjusting. So, how did you come to find her again?"
Trish: "Oh, about a month ago we got a letter from her in the mail."
Roger: "But she didn"t leave her return address. In fact she said she was fine and we shouldn"t bother looking for her, but..."

Trish: "Five years of not knowing whether your daughter"s alive or... Well, how could we just let it go?"
Roger: "So we hired the private eye."

Gunn: "And he tracked her down through an un-addressed envelope? We could do that."
Angel: "Wait til you guys hear what happened at Haagen Dazs! Ordinarily these things don"t put up much of a fight, but this one? Hoo! I think I"m gonna have it..."
"...mounted. - Hello."
Cordy: "Angel. you"re -- alone. And - and you brought ... a prop! From your movie! This is Angel. - *Angel* - makes - monster movies. - Angel, these are Fred"s very *normal* parents."
Angel: "Ah. - Fred has parents."
"Well it sure is - nice to meet you both."

Roger: "Ah. Son, you-your prop is dripping."

Angel: "Oh, yeah. This - fake. You know, a little glue, paper machee..."
"...possibly some lead. So, Fred"s parents - we"ve heard so - much... Well, uhm, sure is nice to meet you folks."

Gunn: "No address anywhere on the envelope?"
Roger: "No. None."
Gunn: "Wow."
Roger: "Do you know when Fred will be back?"
Angel: "Oh, me. Well, yeah, ah, I sent her right back here, right before I... picked up that - prop. So I"m sure she"s - up in her room - right now."
Trish: "Fred?"
Roger: "She"s not here."
Angel: "No. But she was."
Trish: "This - it"s her writing. But what does this mean? It"s just crazy."
Roger: "We might have to call them in sooner than we thought."
Cordy: "Guys - when was the last time Fred ever left the hotel by herself?"
Gunn: "A couple of weeks after never."
Roger: "We want our daughter."
Wes: "So, what is she running from?"
Cordy: "There"s just something - off about them. I can"t put my finger on what."
Wes: "Fred must have returned while we were in here, seen her parents and..."

Angel: "Took off. That"s not a good sign."
Gunn: "They said she sent them a letter. Can you picture Fred sneaking off to send a letter?"


Cordy: "Pfft! Sneaking off, right. Fred can barely tie her shoes without Mr. "oh, you"re my big, fat hero!" around."

Angel: "You think I"m fat?"
Wes: "This could be a ruse, to trick us into letting them get close to her. Making it seem as though she"d initiated contact."

Angel: "On the other hand if the letter is real and she told them not to look for her, there"s got to be a reason for that."
Cordy: "Fred never talks about her family."

Angel: "So, where do we start?"
"Where would Fred go?"
Gunn: "We could hit all the local taco stands. Joke! - Kind of."
Angel: "Come on, guys, think! What do we know about Fred?"
Gunn: "Well, I knew about the tacos."
Angel: "All right. She seemed pretty comfortable in the sewers. They"re dark, cave-like. She felt safe there. I"ll head back down there, see if I can find her."

Wes: "She worked at the Public Library. There may be colleagues there she trusted."

Cordy: "What about them? We can"t just leave them there! What if Fred comes back?"

"Oh!"
Roger: "Is it time?"
Trish: "Not yet."
Wes: "Mr. and Mrs. Burkle, we"re gonna try a few places we think Fred may have gone. Would you like to come along?"

Roger: "Ah, all six of us? Wouldn"t it make more sense to split up, cover more territory?"

Gunn: "Perhaps."
Angel: "Well, I"m gonna check out some of my, ah, industry contacts. So it"ll just be the five of you."

Trish: "Industry contacts? Why would... - Fred"s not - "making movies," is she?"

Angel: "Movies? Oh, you mean... No! No, no, of course not. It"s just some of these contacts they-they know things sometimes. They"re, ah, underground."
Wes: "Right. Uh - shall we go?"
Angel: "Call me if..."
Wes: "Yeah."
Lorne: "Oh, figures. Right when Judge Judy is about to lay the smack down. I"m coming! I"m not death, you know."
"Can"t you read the sign on the door? Se habla "closed." Oh, Fred, it"s you. The bar is closed. Good seeing you. It"s been fun. Bye-bye."


Fred: "Row, row, row your boat".
Lorne: "Ouch! Turn the sirens down a notch, would you? All that fear and panic"s blowing out my fuses."
Fred: "I"m sorry. It"s just - something awful has happened."
Lorne: "Oh really? I wonder what that"s like."

Fred: "Oh, no. Was there another massacre?"
Lorne: "Oh, no. No. Just the one. But it turns out massacres are a lot like sitting through Godfather three: once is enough."

Fred: "I"m not... I mean, I don"t wanna sound... Why is it still like this?"

Lorne: "Ah, Fred, honey, I don"t think you"re here to discuss interior decorating. Am I wrong?"
"Now, what can I do for you?"
Fred: "I - I need cash. I don"t wanna talk about it, because I think my head might go a little twang and I"ll sing if I have to. Row, row, row..."
Lorne: "Easy! Easy! Forget the singing, sweetheart. Your aura is practically screaming! - Yeah, you are in a bad place, aren"t you doll? - You thought you could outrun them - and maybe you were free. - But those old monsters hunted you down. - I know why you"re running away, Fred. You know what your problem is?"

Fred: "I"m not strong enough to stay and face my fear."

Lorne: "No. You haven"t run far enough."

Angel: "Fred? - Fred, it"s just me! - I"m alone. - Listen - whatever that thing is with your parents? - You know, we can help you. - Fred?"
Trish: "Does Fred come to the library often?"
Cordy: "Uh, well, this was the first place I ever saw her."
Trish: "She used to love our little community library back home. Every afternoon, I"d pick her up there after my rounds."

Cordy: "Oh, a doctor! No wonder Fred"s so smart!"
Trish: "I drive a school bus."
Cordy: "Oh. Well, I-I"ve actually never - ridden in one of those, but I hear they"re very nice."

Roger: "What exactly does Fred do for you people? It strikes me a little odd, a physicist working for a detective agency."

Cordy: "Uh, well, Fred"s ah... gone through some changes."
Roger: "And whose fault is that?"
Wes: "We"ve swept all the floors. Nothing."
Trish: "Oh!"
Roger: "So. What"s next?"
Wes: "Give me one second to confer with my colleagues."
Gunn: "I could have *told* you she wasn"t going to be at the library."
Wes: "Then if you know so much about her, Gunn, why don"t you just tell us where she is?"

Gunn: "Bet that taco stand"s not looking so bad now, is it?"

Cordy: "Hey! Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson, a little focus, please. There is *definitely* something going on with them."
Wes: "So, where *do* we go next? - Where would Fred go for help? For guidance?"
Angel: "Fred? - Nothing to be afraid of."
"What? - No. You?"
"Oh! You mean the place where she would go for help and guidance! And we call ourselves detectives."
"I"ll meet you there."
Lorne: "Well, isn"t this a lovely surprise."
Cordy: "*He"s* surprised. I didn"t think he *owned* terry cloth."
Lorne: "Hmm. Such a small entourage tonight. Hey, Gunn, why didn"t you bring your other friends? "cause they make a party."

Gunn: "Maybe I should wait outside."

Lorne: "You know, I"m - I"m not entirely uncomfortable with that suggestion."
Trish: "What kind of a place is this?"
Lorne: "Oh, do you like it? I was kinda going for a Dresden after the bombing sort of feel."

Roger: "Ah, is this one of your big "industry contacts?" Some guy in a bathrobe, wearing makeup and fake horns?"

Lorne: "They"re not fake! And it"s - only a little eyeliner."
Wes: "Lorne, I"d like you to meet Fred"s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Burkle. They"re here visiting - from the country."

Roger: "Yeah. You have to forgive us hicks. Down in Texas we don"t get a lot of guys who wear eyeliner - not for long anyway."

Cordy: "He"s just teasing you. He probably just got back from a shoot. He and Angel do monster movies together! Right, Lorne?!"

Lorne: "Ah... No."
Angel: "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Trish: "Some detectives! You have no idea where our daughter is, do you?"
Roger: "Maybe they do. Maybe they just don"t want us to find her."

Angel: "Look, Lorne, I"m sorry about the bar, but right now Fred is missing and we need your help."
Lorne: "Oh, really? Yeah, well, I"m not some mystical vending machine here to spit out answers every time *you* waltz in with a problem. I have a heart. Granted it"s located in my left butt cheek, but it"s still a heart.

And that heart is broken! I mean,
why is it no one ever cares about *my* destiny? Everyone who walks through that door is all about me, me, me. Well, what about my me? My me"s important."

Angel: "You know where she is, don"t you?"
Lorne: " A-and another thing, how... how do they get the pimentos in the olives, huh? There"s a mystery for you. You know, do they stuff each one by hand, "cause that seems a little time consuming, or do you think they have a - little - pimento - stuffing - machine ..."


"Fred doesn"t want to see her parents. She has reason for that. I mean, why force a showdown if you don"t have to?"

Angel: "Because it won"t be over. They found her once, they"ll do it again. At least this time we can be there to protect her.
Please. - Tell me where Fred is. - I know you"re not a slot machine."

Lorne: "Vending machine, you big palooka. Alright, but play this one delicately, bro. Because it"s gonna get messy."

Fred: "I can do this. Sure I can. I can just get right up on that bus and be a whole new person - like origami - or plastic. Move some place I"ve never been with no money, no friends, no job. Easy as pie. 3.14 159265..."


"Oh, hey, I was just calculating pi - to relax. I"m not dangerous."
"I could go to Vegas. Learn to play Black Jack. Memorize four hundred fifty two consecutive digits of pi a few hundred measly cards are easy."

"Nine, ten, Jack. Queen, King. No!"

Trish: "Fred?"
Fred: "No, you"re not here! Go away!"
Trish: "Fred, honey, it"s us!"
Fred: "No. You"re not them. You can"t be them, because they don"t know."
Roger: "Sweetie, it"s mom and dad."
Fred: "Shh! Stop saying that. You *can"t* be!"

Trish: "Honey, don"t you remember us?"
Fred: "I was - I was five years and so lost and, and at night I would... I was all by myself and you weren"t there!"
Roger: "Fred, I don"t understand."
Fred: "I got lost. I got lost, and they did terrible things to me, but, but it was just a storybook. It was just a story with monsters, not real.

Not in the world but - but if you"re here and you see me then - then it"s real! And it did happen. If you see what they made of me... I - I didn"t mean to get so lost!"

Trish: "Oh, honey, it doesn"t matter what they did to you."
Fred: "Mommy."
Trish: "Oh, we"re gonna make it all right."
Fred: "I"m sorry. I"m so sorry I got so lost."

Roger: "It don"t matter. You"re our little girl."

Fred: "I missed you so much. I didn"t mean to..."
Trish: "Shh..."
Roger: "Everything"s okay now. You"ll see. You"re safe now."
Roger: "Whoa! - Tell me *that"s* something from the movies!"
Cordy: "No. That"s something that"s gonna kill us."
Angel: "Everybody outside."
Wes: "Angel..."
Angel: "Get them out of here. I can handle this. Move!"
Gunn: "Let"s go!"
Roger: "What the hell is that?"
Cordy: "All our weapons are back at the hotel!"
Gunn: "Angel said he could handle..."

Gunn: "...it."
"Maybe there"s something in the trunk."
Roger: "What happened to his face?"
Wes: "Angel"s a vampire. He has a soul, but it"s a long story. I"ll tell you about it if we don"t end up dying."
"Cordy! Here."
Gunn: "Hey! Bug boy!"
Angel: "Fred, get out of the..."
Roger: "That"s my *daughter* you damn cockroach!"
"Here, baby. Come on, come on."
Trish: "Did I get it? Did I get it, y"all?"
"I almost hate to ask, but - you do a lot of bandaging in your line of work?"

Cordy: "Mmm. Occupational hazard. I mean, sure there is the occasional demon who tries to kill us with pillows, but, sadly, those cases are few and far between."

Roger: "How about this guy? Was he a demon?"
Cordy: "I think Angel called it a Durslar beast."

"He and Fred tracked it down after it attacked them when they went out for ice cream."

Roger: "You mean you know how to track these things, Fred?"
Fred: "No. Mostly I was just there for the ice cream."
Trish: "I wish he hadn"t brought that thing out again. It gives me the willies."

Roger: "Oh, don"t be silly Trish. It"s just a severed head."
Gunn: "I got it. The lady makes bug soup with a ten ton bus, but show her a paper-mache head, she gets the willies. Ha. Women."

Angel: "Uh, Gunn, you *do* know it"s not paper-mache?"
Gunn: "We still got that bleach in the bathroom?"
Angel: "I got to say this is not how I pictured this turning out."
Wes: "They look happy, don"t they?"
Cordy: "Voila! That"s French for "I think we stopped the bleeding.""
Fred: "Thanks Cordelia."
Cordy: "Next up: multiple stab wounds. Angel!"

Angel: "Uh, it"s my turn. Oh, yay!"
Cordy: "What a dork."
Wes: "How does it feel, Fred?"
Fred: "Like my heart"s been put in one of those orange juice squeezers... Oh. Kind of like a giant bug tried to rip my arm off and Angel saved me."

Trish: "He seems to do *that* a lot, doesn"t he?"
Fred: "It"s what he does. Angel"s the champion, and Wesley"s the brains of the operation, Gunn"s the muscle and Cordy"s the heart, and I"m..."
Roger: "And to think, we were wondering when to call the cops on a bunch of superheroes!"

Angel: "Oh, I"m not really a hero."
Gunn: "More like a bloodsucking fiend."
Roger: "Frankly, Angel, I don"t care if you drink pig"s blood, cows blood, or those froofy, little, imported beers. You saved my little girl."

Angel: "Well, I wouldn"t "ve had to if she hadn"t gone all Amazonian and whacked that thing with a golf club."

Roger: "Well, I tell ya, I hadn"t seen a stroke like that since Nicklaus took on Gary Player in the "63..."
Angel and Roger: "Bob Hope Dessert Classic."

Roger: "Alright!"
Fred: "I wanna go home."
"I"m - I"m just not cut out for this. I mean, if Angel hadn"t gotten me out of the way, you"d all be laughing in the morgue right now. - Okay, maybe not laughing, but - the point is, I think I should go home where it"s quiet and safe and - monsters don"t eat your family. - You"re not - disappointed in me, are you?"

Trish: "Oh, Fred. Never! Oh, it"s gonna be so good to have you home!"
Gunn: "She probably be happier there."
Wes: "Yeah. That"s good."
Fred: "Oh, Angel. Hi. I invite you in."

Angel: "Thanks, but you only have to do that the first time. Once I"m invited..."

Fred: "I know. I just figured since I"m going home now I"m not gonna be inviting you in anywhere. - Unless, of course, you come to Texas."
Angel: "Or if you build that condo in the sewer."
"So how you doing?"
Fred: "Oh, ah - fizzy. - Kinda weird and... fizzy. But excited. - And a little sad. - Thankful. Sorta cautiously happy. Relieved and worried at the same time. Slightly nauseous while still bein", hopeful?"


Angel: "And that about covers it. Are you gonna remember everything that"s up there?"

Fred: "Well, sure. It"s a story. Once upon a time - there was a girl who lived all alone in a horrible cave - so far from home it made her chest hurt. - And every day in that horrible cave, the girl tried to figure out a way to escape. - None of her plans ever succeeded, of course, - and she"d almost given up hopin" - when one day, just like in a fairy tale - a handsome man rode up on a horse and saved her, - and took her back to his castle. - - Now you"d think that was the end, wouldn"tcha? Dumb old fairy tales and their happily ever afters."

"But see, the minute they got back to the castle, - the handsome man went away again. - And even though she didn"t mean to, - didn"t want to - high up in that castle the girl just built herself another cave. Hoping he would save her again. But you can"t save me *this* time. - Can you?"

Trish: " I mean, Rog"s always had a thing for those disgusting "Alien" movies with all the slime and teeth. He just can"t get enough of "em. - Except for that last one they made I think he dozed off. - I just can"t believe it"s all real."

Cordy: "Well, I don"t know about aliens, but demons and alternate dimensions I know. It takes a little getting used to."

Trish: "I"m so glad Fred"s coming home. This place is too dangerous for her."
Roger: "Hey, honey, would you look at this? Fred *made* this."
Gunn: "Cool, ain"t it?"
Wes: " We think it"s some sort of mechanized weapon, possibly influenced by the medieval catapult, designed for serious to fatal wounding, if not complete decapitation."


Roger: "Or it makes toast."
Wes: "Or it makes toast."
Trish: "Hey! You got everything packed, baby? What about that shirt with the bug guts on it? You-you threw that out, right? You"re not taking it home, right?"
Fred: "I don"t know. I kinda thought I"d take it with me - guts and all. You know, as a souvenir."
Roger: "Ah. That"s my girl!"
Fred: " You know, in the shower I had all these pretty things I was gonna say and I was gonna be all fancy and... aw, hell. I mean heck."


Cordy: "Between you and me, I"m almost a little jealous."
Fred: "Thank you - for everything."
Angel: "Bye Fred."
Fred: "We better go before I get all runny."

Roger: "You"re room is exactly how you left it. - All except for the guy renting it out, but his lease is up in a month."

Fred: "You rented out my room?"
Roger: "Well, honey, after the forth year... We didn"t hear nothing from you!"
Fred: "Daddy, I was kidnapped into an alternate dimension."
Trish: "Well, she *was*."
Fred: "I"m just gonna miss "em, that"s..."
"Turn the car around. Now!"
Cordy: "In a really weird way, you know who I miss?"
Wes: "Fred."
Cordy: "Actually I was gonna say her parents. - Is that wrong."
Angel: "I don"t think so. They were very - nice."

Cordy: "Nice? - They weren"t just nice, Angel. They were..."
Gunn: "Parents."
Wes: " They loved her. - Supported her. - Didn"t grind her down into a - tiny self-conscious nub with their constant berating. Their never ending tirade of debasement, and scorn and..."
Cordy: "At least now Fred"s got a shot at a normal life. Not that I don"t love you guys, and LA, and my work, but - things are just never normal around here. You know?"

Wes: "She was so smart."
Angel: "I"m gonna miss her. She was just this nice, quiet kind of crazy. - I found that - soothing."

Cordy: "And what? I"m not soothing? I can be soothing. I could soothe your ass off, pal."

Gunn: "Plus, she was pretty handy with a five iron."
Cordy: "Right before she almost got killed. Personally, I"m *glad* she"s gone. It"s gonna be a load off not having to worry about crazy taco lady anymore."

Angel: "She"ll come back to visit."
Cordy: "Do you really think she"ll come back and visit?"
"Well, that"s it. I"m not gonna sit around here and mope like you - bunch - of - mopers. I"m gonna go home Eat some comfort food. Have a good cry. Crawl under my big, fluffy... giant bug!"

Gunn: "We hit that thing with a bus. You"re telling me a bus won"t kill it?"
Angel: "I don"t think it"s the same one."
Cordy: "We are so immensely dead."
Wes: "Weapons."
"Angel, we.."
Fred: "Here! I"m here."
Wes: "Fred?"
Fred: "Oh, I"m late!"
Angel: "Who"s helping me here?"
Fred: "I am!"
Gunn: "So. *Not* a toaster."
Angel: "Fred, how did you..."
Fred: "The crystals. The ones we saw in the sewer? They were on the Durslar head , too. And at first I thought they came from the Durslar, but then I saw *this*. - Daddy?"
Fred: "Those crystals are just dried up bug goop. It must have laid its eggs in the Durslar"s head, which would explain the Durslar coming up out of the sewer, "cause, I mean, wouldn"t you be a little crazy if you had eggs in your head?
I know I would. Anyway, that"d be all fine and Darwinian, except Angel killed the Durslar and brought the head back here, so the Bug had to track him down to get its babies back."


Wes: "And at the bus station, when Trish ran over the mother..."
Fred: "Or father. I think it might be a hive species gender neutral, but I"d have to do some research to back that up."


Wes: "The whole hive showed up in order to reclaim its offspring. Brilliant deduction, Fred!"

Gunn: "Not to mention, that little axe gadget is tight."
Fred: "That was just a random thought I had. What if you had to do battle with your arms cut off? Sure, you"d hemorrhage to death pretty quick, but at least you could take your enemy with you!"

Angel: "Nice going, Fred."
Fred: "Aw, it was nothing. Just a stunning revelation of my true path in life, that"s all."

Roger: "Come again, honey?"
Fred: "Look - I could go home with you and pretend the last five years didn"t happen. - I could even pretend to have a normal life. - But the truth of it is... Well, I"m not normal anymore. I guess what I"m getting at is... - I-I missed you both so bad. But - I belong here. Un-unless I don"t. Which if- if you all don"t wanna put up with me, I completely understand..."

Wes: "Lets put it to a vote, shall we? All in favor say aye. Aye. Motion passed. Good. You"re staying."

Fred: "Mamma. - Daddy. This is my life now."

Trish: "We were kinda hoping you wouldn"t figure that out."
Roger: "Of course we"d have to sick around for another couple of weeks."
Fred: "Daddy!"
Roger: "Days. You know, just to catch up and get reacquainted, and to make *sure* that you are positive about your decision."

Fred: "Oh, I think I know where I"ll end up."

Roger: "Now, Spiro Agnew, I *know* he was..."

Angel: "A Grathnar demon! You knew that? I thought I was the only one that knew that!"
Roger: "What else would he be, but a demon?"
Wes: "Not horizontally, vertically! Otherwise you..."
Gunn: "Look, I"m telling you, if you do it vertically you"re gonna get those ugly drops..."

Trish: "Now, boys, I don"t wanna hear any fighting over there."
Gunn and Wes: "Okay."
Cordy: "Did someone here order a pizza? Hey Fred? Pizza?"
Fred: "In a minute, I just wanna finish this section."

The end
 
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