APOCALYPSE, NOWISH a.k.a. RAIN OF FIRE
ANGEL: I said no.
LORNE: I said why. Now, let"s meet in the middle with a "why no?"
ANGEL: It"s too soon.
LORNE: But she got her memory back. Aren"t you a weensy curious if Cordy remembers anything about her little stint as a Miss Higher Power. Oh, say, maybe something about the thing-a-ma-bad that Wolfram and Hart sucked outta my noggin.
ANGEL: We need to give her time to adjust before we start coming at her with a million questions.
LORNE: How "bout one? One"s good.
ANGEL: In a couple of days when she"s more herself.
LORNE: Chime in any time.
FRED: Love to.
FRED: We got a case.
ANGEL: Need some backup?
GUNN: Nah. Woman out in Hancock Park"s hearing spookies in her pipes. I don"t know whether to bring my axe or a plunger.
ANGEL: See? Worst thing we got going on is a haunted toilet, so let"s give Cordy a little space. It"s not like the world"s gonna end right this second.
CONNOR: Chocodiles. And some other stuff.
CONNOR: Thought you might be hungry. Want something else? I could-
CORDELIA: No. These are great.
CONNOR: Whatcha watching?
CORDELIA: Some old movie. Pod People or Mutant Pod Mushrooms or something, I don"t know. I can"t remember. I mean, I don"t remember "cause I was a kid when I saw it, so it"s a little on the foggy, but natural fog. Don"t worry. I"m not gonna turn into Amnesia Action Figure Cordy again.
CONNOR: She wasn"t so bad.
CORDELIA: Yeah, a real hoot, too, with the panicking and the screaming and running around like a nut. Mmm...I love these.
CONNOR: Yeah, I know.
CORDELIA: Thank you.
CONNOR: You"re welcome.
CORDELIA: Not just for the snacky goodness. Thank you for...God, thanks for everything. I don"t know what I would have done without you, Connor.
CONNOR: Panic, scream, nut.
CONNOR: You should rest.
CORDELIA: I"m OK.
CONNOR: You haven"t slept since you came back.
CORDELIA: I know. Every time I close my eyes, I...
CORDELIA: See it. Something horrible moving deep down, clawing it"s way up.
CONNOR: Just a dream.
CORDELIA: I can taste the blood of all the people it"s going to kill, smell the burning flesh.
CONNOR: It"s OK. You"re safe with me.
CORDELIA: No one"s safe. Don"t you understand that? It"s coming, and no one can stop it. I wanna warn Angel, but the words won"t come out. Why can"t I tell him? I feel it. The thing in my dreams... It"s real, and it"s almost here.
BEAST: I know.
CONNOR: What is it?
CORDELIA: Oh, G-
CONNOR: Are you all right? Cordy!
LORNE: Snakes? Uh-huh. And they came out of your what? OK, OK, well did they get up there themselves, or is this part of a, you know, a thing. No, I"m not judging. Do we fight snakes?
ANGEL: Only if they"re giant. Or demons. Or giant demons. Are they giant demon snakes?
LORNE: Well, unless this guy"s 30 feet tall, I"m thinking they"re of the garden variety.
ANGEL: Oh. They could still be demonic. Are they making any kind of weird demony sounds?
HOUSE WIFE: The noises are horrible. The thumping, the groaning-it"s impossible to sleep at night.
GUNN: How long"s this been going on?
HOUSE WIFE: Uh, a week, maybe.
FRED: Good. If it"s a haunting, the longer a specter inhabits an area, the harder it is to convince them to leave.
GUNN: Yep, Casper"s dealing with the big boys now. We"re very persuasive.
HOUSE WIFE: Anything you can do about that terrible room. I"ll be in the kitchen.
GUNN: You ready?
FRED: Is no an acceptable answer?
GUNN: In this business? Always.
Man, look at this place.
FRED: A family of four could live in here.
GUNN: With room for Uncle Laruel. Man, marble countertops, whirlpool tub, bidet... it"s the kind of place I imagine us moving into one day.
GUNN: Well, I"m not saying tomorrow.
FRED: I know, I-
GUNN: Just, be nice one day. "S all.
FRED: Charles- OK, that"s not the bidet.
GUNN: Where"s it coming from?
FRED: Um, everywhere. Maybe we should"ve brought a priest.
GUNN: Or some consecrated Drano. I think it stopped.
FRED: These aren"t ghosts. These definitely aren"t ghosts.
GUNN: Well, they"re gonna be.
FRED: It won"t open.
GUNN: Get "em off me. Get "em off me.
FRED: You"re OK. You"re OK. Um, you might want to look into an exterminator.
GUNN: Or just burnt the place down.
FRED: Either way.
LILAH: Hard day at the office?
WESLEY: I"ve had worse.
LILAH: What happened?
WESLEY: Swarm. Why are you dressed like that?
LILAH: Isn"t this what you like? Big brain and a tight little-
LILAH: Oh, forget about that evil witch. Let"s talk about me. I"m good and pure and science turns me on, and-and one day if I pray hard enough and eat all my vegetables, I just might just have hips.
WESLEY: Are you finished?
LILAH: Did it turn you on? Watching her up there in front of all those braniacs knowing she was the smartest one in the room?
WESLEY: Her theories deserve attention.
LILAH: Just her theories? I saw the way you looked at her. Oh, come on. Do you think I care about your little crush? Moon all you want of the Texas twig "cause I know whose bed you"ll be crawling into at the end of the day. Or the middle of it.
WESLEY: You think you know me?
LILAH: Better than she ever will.
WESLEY: Leave them on.
GUNN: Nasty pink-nosed bastards. I can still feel "em crawling on me.
FRED: I"m gonna take a long bath and scrub "til my skin stops twitching.
GUNN: Can we have bubbles?
FRED: I was kinda looking forward to a quiet soak alone.
GUNN: Oh. Yeah, OK.
FRED: It"s just- the tubs not that big and... Forget it. We"ll squeeze in.
GUNN: No, no, you go ahead. I"ll grab one later.
FRED: Can we not do this?
GUNN: You mean have a meaningful conversation the way that two people who love each other are supposed to?
FRED: Fine. We"ll do this.
GUNN: Fred, what do you want from me.
GUNN: Yeah, you"ve made that pretty clear.
FRED: That"s not what I meant.
GUNN: You sure? We don"t talk. We sleep on opposite sides of the bed. We haven"t even touched each other since-
FRED: Since we murdered Professor Seidel.
GUNN: No, since I did.
FRED: For me.
GUNN: I couldn"t let you carry that.
FRED: It wasn"t your choice.
GUNN: Fred, it"s not who you are. It isn"t in your heart.
FRED: But it"s in yours?
GUNN: It is now.
FRED: I"m sorry.
LORNE: No, no, that certainly doesn"t sound normal for a boy his age. Look, we"ll send someone out as soon as we can. Just, um-just don"t poke it.
ANGEL: Hey. How"d it go?
LORNE: Where"s Fred?
GUNN: Bad. Out. I got it.
LORNE: Bless you and all your parts.
GUNN: Angel Investigations. Uh-huh. And what is the nature of your manifestation?
LORNE: Business is really humming, huh?
ANGEL: Yeah, word of mouth, I guess, got around that I"m back. You think I should keep these alphabetical, or rearrange them by how much damage they inflict?
LORNE: Damage. Nomenclature goes out the portal when, uh, hacking"s afoot.
ANGEL: Still, good to know what you"re using. I mean, what if I"m fighting a Glurgg, and I ask for a Khopesh to finish him off. What would you throw me?
LORNE: Uh, a towel. Glurggs are 90% pus. Yeah, uh, not speaking of sticky fluids, maybe we should get some help around the office. A certain somebody with a good understanding of higher dimensions. And could tell me what got hoovered out of my head. Um, name starts with a "C."
LORNE: No, I was leaning more towards a perky love muffin, but-Oh.
ANGEL: It"s OK. The spell wore off. Thanks for not letting me hurt Cordy.
CONNOR: Well, I don"t know, she probably would"ve staked you. She"s pretty tough.
ANGEL: Yeah, she is.
CONNOR: She"s staying with me now. You know that, right?
ANGEL: Yeah, that"s good. She needs a place she can feel safe. Give her a chance to work things out. A couple of days, everything"ll be back to the way it was.
CONNOR: You should talk to her.
LORNE: Oh, hallelujah.
ANGEL: Now"s not a good time. After everything she"s been through, the last thing she needs-
CONNOR: Dad, please?
CORDELIA: I"m gonna kill him.
ANGEL: He"s just worried about you. We all are.
CORDELIA: Is that the royal we, or the populous?
ANGEL: I always wanted to be a prince. I hear you gotta be born into it.
CORDELIA: How do you do that?
CORDELIA: Make everything feel like it"s not spiralling apart.
ANGEL: You all right?
CORDELIA: Getting there.
ANGEL: The way you left the hotel-
CORDELIA: I know.
ANGEL: Did I do something, or-
CORDELIA: Oh, Angel... I love you. I always will. You know that.
ANGEL: I don"t suppose we could stop there.
CORDELIA: I wish we could-more than anything-but I can"t. When I got my memory back, everything came rushing in. Sunnydale, moving to Los Angeles, meeting you again. I wanted to tell you, but it was just too much.
ANGEL: Tell me what?
CORDELIA: What I remembered when I was a higher being. I remember seeing you-your past-when you were Angelus.
ANGEL: I never tried to hide who I was or what I"ve done. You already knew.
CORDELIA: Knowing"s different than living it. When I was up there, I could look back and see everything you ever did as Angelus-more than see, I felt it. Not just their fear and pain. I felt you and how much you enjoyed making them suffer.
I love you, Angel, but I can"t be with you. It"s just too soon. Maybe if we just give it a little time...
CORDELIA: He"s coming. He"s coming now.
ANGEL: You still have your visions. I thought they weren"t supposed to hurt anymore.
CORDELIA: This wasn"t normal. If that word actually applies to anything that ever happens to me. The visions are usually like a lawn sprinkler. This was like Niagra.
CONNOR: You should let her rest.
CORDELIA: No, I"m OK.
ANGEL: What else can you tell me?
CORDELIA: Big, powerful, clawing its way up through the bowels of the earth to slaughter us all. Yeah, that pretty much covers it.
ANGEL: Did you see anything that could give us a location?
CORDELIA: No, just the big beastie. It"s coming, Angel, and it won"t stop-not until we"re all- It won"t stop.
ANGEL: He"s right. You should probably get some sleep.
CORDELIA: Yeah, because impending doom-almost as good as warm milk.
ANGEL: Whatever"s coming, I"ll figure out a way to stop it.
CORDELIA: It"ll be too late. I can feel it. There"s something-I don"t know. I think I know more about this thing-or, I knew more when I was all high and mighty, but I just can"t get at it.
ANGEL: Maybe if Lorne read you again.
CORDELIA: You think he would after what happened the first time?
ANGEL: I could hold him down.
CORDELIA: Angel, we need to know more. I need to know.
GUNN: I"m sorry. I know, but we"re pretty swamped right now. Well, if Snowball hasn"t tried to eat your spine yet, hit her with the catnip until we get there.
LORNE: No, I-I don"t think that much mucus is ever a good sign. Uh-huh. Oh, please, please, again, describe it in detail. Hey, uh, this isn"t letting up. How "bout, uh, rustling up some adorable reinforcements?
GUNN: I don"t know where she is.
LORNE: Well, uh, that"s where the rustling comes in.
GUNN: Well, if Fred wanted to be here, she would.
LORNE: Uh, yeah, that sounds horrible. Hold please. You two OK?
GUNN: Ask her that. Maybe she"ll talk to you.
LORNE: Angel Investigations. Hold please. Hey, I don"t know what"s going on between cupcake and her icing, but you know how she feels about you. It doesn"t take horns and a beautiful singing voice to be able to read that.
GUNN: It"s just-it"s been hard since that thing with her Professor.
LORNE: Well, being stuck in Pylea is pretty crappy, but being sent there on purpose by someone you trust- Hey, at least Dr. Ego got a taste of his own portal.
GUNN: Yeah. He got what he deserved, didn"t he?
It"s a sparrow. Slammed right into the glass.
LORNE: Close the door.
GUNN: He might not be dead.
LORNE: Close it!
GUNN: I"m guessing this isn"t a good sign.
LORNE: Yeah, as harbingers go-not so much.
LILAH: A 300% increase? In the last hour? Uh-huh. Oh, ya think? Well, don"t. Just shut up. Get me an incident report cross-referenced by region, socio-economic backgrounds, and species. Oh, and get Gavin up here. Somebody"s trying to muscle in on our apocalypse and that is not gonna happen while-
Lemme get back to you.
ANGEL: Close the door.
LILAH: How did you get in here? Vampire detectors, my ass. Well, here we are, all nice and cozy. Let"s talk about-hmm, gee, let me guess-Lorne. How"s he doing? Still green?
ANGEL: I told you we were gonna have a conversation.
LILAH: Swell, but I"m having a bit of a day, so let"s say we skip the usual two-step, you threaten me, I threaten you, yadda, yadda, yawn. Jump directly to the throwing you out on your thick, meaty head. "Cause, you know what? You"re not getting anything out of me this time either.
ANGEL: Didn"t think I would, but Gavin-he was more accommodating.
LILAH: Couldn"t you have at least tortured him a little bit more?
ANGEL: Really wanted to, but he wouldn"t start talking long enough to get into it.
LILAH: I have a cure for that.
ANGEL: Vindict on your own time. I"m kinda on the clock here.
LILAH: What did he tell you?
ANGEL: You"re trying to decipher what you took out of Lorne"s head. Hundreds of psychics probing and prodding-Well, not quite that many now, because every time they peel back a layer, their brains end up decorating the walls.
LILAH: You should see the cleaning bill. Now that is terrifying.
ANGEL: Anything you got on what"s coming-now"d be a good time.
LILAH: Not big on sharing.
ANGEL: Think I"m joking?
LILAH: Not unless you"ve conjured up a sense of humor to go with that soul. Look, you got it straight from the weasel"s mouth. Whatever Lorne gleaned from reading Wonder Girl-it"s protected. Try and unlock it-ka-blooey. Thanks for stopping by.
ANGEL: You"re trying to hide it. I can smell it on you.
LILAH: Well, you are very imposing in this light.
ANGEL: You"re not afraid of me, Lilah. You"re afraid of what"s coming. Maybe we can help each other, huh. The enemy of my enemy-
LILAH: Can kiss my ass too. You wanna play hero? Go find another sandbox.
ANGEL: Normally, this would be the part where I"d make a grand threat, but thanks to Gavin-
LILAH: Like he knows anything.
ANGEL: That"s the point. This thing caught you by surprise, too. You had no idea it was coming.
LILAH: So, what-I"m supposed to throw in with Mr. Goody "cause the great unknown has me shaking in my pumps?
ANGEL: It"s a win-win for you, Lilah. You help me, I stop it, Wolfram and Hart makes you employee of the month for protecting everything they set in motion for the last thousand years. You help me and I don"t stop it, well, I mean the only way that"s gonna happen is if this thing kills me. And if that"s the way it goes, you win again. So, you can keep playing it hard, or you can play it smart. It"s up to you.
CORDELIA: Must be genetic.
CORDELIA: Sneaking up on people. Your dad"s an expert.
CONNOR: I was just making a sweep. Where ya going?
CORDELIA: Been inside all day. Thought I"d take a walk, clear the cobwebs, recharge the chargeables. OK, stop with the look. I"m getting a stronger feeling.
CONNOR: About the vision.
CORDELIA: Yeah. Flashes, images, tugging at me, pulling.
CORDELIA: I don"t know. Maybe where this thing"s gonna jack-in-the-box.
CONNOR: So you were gonna go face it by yourself.
CORDELIA: "S all right. I was a higher being.
CONNOR: Was. You"re not anymore.
CORDELIA: No, I"m not. I remember wanting to come back home, to be able to touch, to feel, to be human again.
CONNOR: You are.
CORDELIA: But I can"t remember how. Am I on vacation? Did I go cosmic AWOL? Did I do something to piss off the Powers That Be and get kicked out? Why am I here?
CONNOR: Because you"re important.
CORDELIA: Oh, yeah. The world"s really stopped turning without me.
CONNOR: Well... you"re important to me.
CORDELIA: Guess the sneaky"s not the only thing you got from Angel. Getting pretty good with saying the right words, too.
CONNOR: Complete sentences. I"ve been working on it.
CORDELIA: Maybe you"re right. Maybe I was sent back because I"m important or needed-for this, to stop whatever"s about to happen. I have to find out if that"s why I"m here.
CONNOR: And I have to go with you.
CORDELIA: No, it"s dangerous.
CONNOR: That"s why I"m coming.
Sure you know where you"re going?
CORDELIA: Exactly? No. But, for the first time since I"ve been back, I feel like I have a purpose, like a reason for being here. Before, all I felt was empty-like I was waiting for my life to start.
CONNOR: I know how that feels. Not knowing why you"re here, what your place is in this world...
CORDELIA: It"s called being 18. If you make it past 21, things get a lot better.
CONNOR: They already have.
CORDELIA: You really are getting awfully good with words.
CONNOR: What is it?
CORDELIA: This place. I"ve been here before.
CONNOR: In your vision?
CORDELIA: No, I- Oh, my God. Darla.
CONNOR: My mother.
CORDELIA: She died here. Connor, this is where you were born.
CONNOR: Stay away from her!
GUNN: If you see Fred, could you have her call me? Charles Gunn, two N"s. Yes, that"s my real name. Just-please, have her call me.
LORNE: Well it might take a couple days. You"re fifth on the bleeding walls list. You know what, spritz it with a little 409. We"ll get back to you. Hey, no word yet?
GUNN: Nobody"s seen her.
LORNE: Well, maybe she ducked and covered when our feathered friends went kamikaze.
GUNN: You good here? I"m gonna drive around, see if I can-I"m just gonna drive.
LORNE: Let the machine work it"s mechanical magic. C"mon. I"ll hang my head out the window, see if I can pick up the Burkle vibe.
GUNN: You can do that?
LORNE: Um, no, but it sounds comforting, and I could use the air.
WESLEY: It is a bit ripe in here. I"d suggest opening a window, but-
GUNN: Fred"s not here.
WESLEY: Didn"t ask.
GUNN: Didn"t have to.
WESLEY: Since you brought it up, where is she?
GUNN: Not your business.
LORNE: Hey, uh, call me kooky-pants, but maybe we could save the three rounds until after the Chuck Heston Plague-A-Thon cools off.
WESLEY: You"ve noticed the increase in paranormal activities?
LORNE: Yeah, you stepped in some on your way in. Birds, rats, blood-the Ghostbuster lines have been ringing off the hook.
WESLEY: I"ve been tracking similar reports. Maybe if we pool our data-
GUNN: Go pool yourself. I"m gonna find my girlfriend.
ANGEL: No you"re not. If we don"t" stop what"s coming, it won"t matter where Fred is, or any of us.
That"s everything Wolfram and Hart could decipher from what they took outta Lorne.
WESLEY: They just handed these over?
ANGEL: Lilah-she can be very giving.
GUNN: You trust her on this?
ANGEL: No, but she"s got an interest in stopping the end of the world before it ruins Wolfram and Hart"s end of the world, so...
GUNN: OK, what"s the plan?
ANGEL: You"re holding it. We figure out what all this means, then do something large and violent.
WESLEY: I see you"ve given it considerable thought.
LORNE: So all this came out of my head? No wonder it made me greener.
ANGEL: If Wolfram and Hart hadn"t extracted it, you"d be a paler shade of dead.
LORNE: Yeah, well, remind me to send "em a fruit basket. Mm. Saved by the continuous bell.
ANGEL: You"ve been logging the calls?
LORNE: Every last squishy one.
ANGEL: Grab a map, start marking the locations. See if they"re concentrated in any one area. Whatever"s happening, whatever Cordy"s seen, the answers are in these pages. We need to figure this out.
GUNN: We"re never gonna figure this out.
ANGEL: We have to keep trying.
WESLEY: Normally I"d agree, but this is a waste of time.
ANGEL: It"s all we have.
WESLEY: Then we must be missing something. This is gibberish. Bits and pieces of glyphs, archaic languages, symbols-all jumbled together.
ANGEL: Do you recognize any of them?
WESLEY: Uh, heat, fallen, shrine, flesh...none of it makes any sense.
ANGEL: Ah, we gotta keep at it until it does.
GUNN: You know, maybe we should just take a step back.
ANGEL: We don"t have time. Cordy said whatever"s happening is going down right now.
WESLEY: Then perhaps you should have addressed this earlier. We could sift through this muddle from now "til doomsday, whether that"s tomorrow or a thousand years from now-
GUNN: Wait, go back. The last sheet, flip it back.
ANGEL: What is it?
WESLEY: I don"t see anything.
GUNN: "S cause you"re looking too close.
OK. So what the hell is it?
ANGEL: The Eye of Fire.
WESLEY: Ancient alchemical symbol for fire.
ANGEL: And destruction.
GUNN: You had me at fire.
LORNE: Um, boys? I hate to be the little demon that cried apocalypse nowish, but uh...
WAITRESS: I"ll give you one more, and then I am cutting you off.
FRED: Oh, sorry. I can pay for the next one.
WAITRESS: It"s not the free refills that I"m worried about. It"s you vibrating into another dimension after a tenth cup.
FRED: Nobody wants that.
WAITRESS: Why don"t you call him? You"ve been sitting here all day. He"s probably worried sick.
FRED: I don"t know what I"d say.
WAITRESS: I think hello"d probably do it. I"ve seen the way he looks at you when you two come in here. That man would do anything for you.
FRED: I know.
WAITRESS: So cheer up. Whatever"s going on-as long as you"ve got love-it can"t be that bad.
FRED: Get away from the window.
CONNOR: I gotta go. I"ve gotta stop it.
CORDELIA: Yeah, getting yourself killed should really slow that thing down. Oh, God. I think you broke a couple of ribs.
CONNOR: I"ve never been broken, not even in Quor-Toth. I didn"t think I could be.
CORDELIA: You"re hurt because of me. Because I thought maybe I still had some grand higher purpose, that me being here could actually... make a difference. Now I know better.
CONNOR: All you know is that that thing can hurt you, and if it tries again, I will find a way to kill it.
WESLEY: That"s it.
WESLEY: The focal point of the disturbances.
ANGEL: Whatever"s coming, that"s where we"ll find it.
GUNN: I know that area-the old Kimball building"s down there. They did a retro on it, put a club up on the roof. The, uh, Sky Temple or something.
LORNE: Yeah, yeah, I"ve heard of it. Watering hole for the tragically hip. Actors, models, all the hot mamas and yamas.
WESLEY: A shrine of the flesh.
ANGEL: So, who"s thirsty?
GUNN: Let"s do it.
LORNE: Hey, I know location"s everything, but, um, maybe we should hold off on the down-payment "til we know what we"re dealing with or how to stop it.
ANGEL: If it"s alive, we kill it. If it"s not, we bury it. You in?
LORNE: Ooh, uh, I"m gonna need a bigger arrow.
ANGEL: Might wanna hold the gloat, chuckles. We"re just getting started.
BEAST: Do you really think she"s safe with him?
CONNOR: What"s happening?
CORDELIA: I don"t know.
CONNOR: It"s him, isn"t it? It"s that thing.
CORDELIA: We don"t know that.
CONNOR: I should"ve tried harder. I should"ve stopped it.
CORDELIA: It was too strong. This isn"t" your fault.
CONNOR: What if it is? What if that thing is-chose the place where I was born. Is that why it"s here-because of me?
CONNOR: I was never supposed to happen. The child of two vampires. What if-
CORDELIA: Connor, it"s not you.
CONNOR: You don"t know that.
CORDELIA: Yes, I do. In my heart. It"s not you, baby. It"s not you. Not you.
CONNOR: Why-why did you-?
CORDELIA: Because I don"t think it matters anymore. I know how you feel about me, Connor. When I think about what you"ve- you never had a childhood, or a family or friends or anything that"s real, and if this is the end, I want you to have something that is.