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SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE

WOMAN: Oh, it"s all so-
ANGEL: Unworthy?
WOMAN: Wonderful. Cordelia, thank you for protecting me and nourishing me. Your spirit has been my shelter, but you can rest peacefully now. I"m here.
CONNOR: That"s all she wanted-to give you life.
WOMAN: And I can feel all of it: the cold floor, the air, this skin. Everything is perfect.

ANGEL: No, it"s not. I came here to kill you. I should be punished.
WOMAN: Angel, I can feel your suffering, but now that suffering is going to end.


INTRO

FRED: We should"ve done this a long time ago. I don"t know what I was thinking letting these books be all unorganized.

LORNE: Well, one does tend to let the housekeeping slide during an Apocalyptolite. Hey, honey, all this to-ing and fro-ing is making me edgy...er.
FRED: What"s that?
LORNE: Oh, relax. It"s just a buzz saw. Nothing to get worked up over. It"s Gunn and Wes down in the basement. They"re dismembering that armor-plated demon, Skip.

FRED: Oh, right. Well, there"s been an awful lot of dismembering going on in that basement lately, if you ask me.

LORNE: Well, it"s been a busy month.
FRED: God, why"d it have to be her?

LORNE: I think you skipped a groove, darlin".

FRED: Cordelia. Why couldn"t the Beastmaster have chosen some horrible evil awful person to be its vessel?

LORNE: Wouldn"t have been much in the way of camouflage.
FRED: He"s been gone so long.
LORNE: Y-you shifted gender pronouns, sweetheart. Not that I"m judging-
FRED: Angel. Do you think he found them?
LORNE: Them being...?
FRED: Connor and Cordy.
LORNE: Well...uh....
FRED: Or maybe he got there too late, and she already had it?
LORNE: And by "it," you must mean-?

FRED: The baby. Or, hell spawn or whatever it is. Skip said the Beastmaster was using Cordelia to give birth to itself. What if Angel didn"t get there in time to stop it? Or, worse, what if he did get there in time? Do you think he"d actually...you know?


LORNE: Dismember mama?
FRED: Would Angel really kill Cordelia?

LORNE: To save the world?
FRED: Son of a bitch!
LORNE: OK, not that I was expecting a transition, but still...
FRED: Drop it, junior.
LORNE: Fred, don"t get too close.
CONNOR: Drop it?
FRED: You heard me. Drop the knife.
CONNOR: But, you"re always after me to clean up after myself. I was just gonna put it away.
FRED: Uh, are you still evil-ish? "Cause I"m confused.
ANGEL: Guys, it"s OK. He"s with me.
FRED: Oh, my God. Cordelia. She"s not-
ANGEL: No, she"s not dead. She"s just resting. She"s in a peaceful place.
FRED: No, I meant...she"s not pregnant.

ANGEL: Oh. No. Not anymore.
WESLEY: Then you were too late? The thing was born?
LORNE: I"m guessing it wasn"t a chubby little cherub, huh?
ANGEL: Not exactly.
GUNN: But you killed it? It"s dead, right?

ANGEL: I-I tried. I was going to. I just, uh-

CONNOR: You got to stop torturing yourself, dad. He was like this all the way back in the car.
WESLEY: It escaped, then?
ANGEL: Disappeared. Didn"t even say goodbye.
FRED: Is that, like, baby evil?
WESLEY: I imagine we"re not talking about a baby.
CONNOR: No.
GUNN: OK, so what are we dealing with?
FRED: Eight legs, three heads, horns...?
LORNE: Hey!
FRED: No, offense.
CONNOR: Two legs, one head, no horns.
LORNE: Lemme guess: green?
ANGEL: No. Kind of... mocha. We need to find her.
WESLEY: Agreed.
GUNN: Hope this thing"s easier to kill than the Beast.
CONNOR: Kill? No. No killing.
GUNN: Since when?
ANGEL: Since we"ve all been saved.
FRED: Oh, well, that"s, uh, crazy talk.
ANGEL: They don"t understand.
CONNOR: No.
ANGEL: We don"t want to kill her. We just want to find her so we can worship her. That"s all.
CONNOR: She"s amazing. You"ll go nuts.
GUNN: Yeah, that"ll definitely help us relate better.
ANGEL: When you meet her, you"ll understand.
WESLEY: Angel, whatever you"re feeling right now, it"s some form of enchantment.
ANGEL: Yeah.
WESLEY: It"s a spell. Think. Even before its birth, this thing controlled Cordelia, caused her to do unspeakable things. It"s evil. Remember the Rain of Fire, permanent midnight, all the horrors done in its name-

WOMAN: Must be rectified.
LORNE: My God.
WOMAN: People keep saying that.
FRED: I"m just gonna... do this.
WOMAN: For so long, you"ve all been drowning in the fighting and the pain. I"d like to help...if you"ll have me.
WESLEY: Tell us what to do.
LORNE: Eternal bliss. It suits her.
FRED: Cordelia must be so happy...to be the one who brought you here. What an honor.

WOMAN: I"m the one who"s honored...by Cordelia, and by all of you. I can"t tell you how good it is to be back.
WESLEY: Back? Then you"ve been here before?
WOMAN: Yes. In the beginning, before the time of man, great beings walked the earth. Untold power emanated from all quarters-the seeds of what would come to be known as good and evil.
But the shadows stretched and became darkness, and the malevolent among us grew stronger. The earth became a demon realm. Those of us who had the will to resist left this place, but we remained ever-watchful.

GUNN: You"re a power that... was?
WOMAN: But then something new emerged from deep inside the earth-neither demon, nor God.
WESLEY: Man.
WOMAN: And it seemed, for a time, that through this new race, a balance might be restored.
FRED: Guess we really let you down.

WOMAN: But you didn"t. It was we who failed you. We became little more than observers. I could no longer bear to just watch all the suffering. I had to find a way back. But, first I needed a miracle.
And so I arranged one. Through you, Angel, through Darla. That is where my parentage began. Two vampires. Creatures once human - corrupted by darkness. And you with a soul-a miracle already.

ANGEL: But how?
WOMAN: Through Lorne.
LORNE: Huh?
WOMAN: The day Lorne sent Angel and human Darla into the trials to earn a new chance at life.
ANGEL: I failed.
WOMAN: No, you earned that life. And there it is. All these events unfolded that I might reenter this physical plain. I know there"s been chaos.
WESLEY: All the events we"ve witnesses these past months, all the madness, it was birth pains.

WOMAN: But the storm has passed.
LORNE: And here comes the sun.
ANGEL: And Cordelia-will she wake up?
WOMAN: If we take hold of the world, strip away the thorns, win the battle-then, yes, I think she will.
FRED: How do we do that?
WOMAN: One evil at a time. Much damage has been done in my name. There are demons, forces of hate, all over this city.
FRED: We"re going to destroy them.
WOMAN: We"re going to change the world.
ANGEL: Finally.
BOWLING VAMPIRE 1: Aw, that ain"t gonna work.
BOWLING VAMPIRE 2: Could"ve told you that. Clean up my lane, jackass.
BOWLING VAMPIRE 1: "Let"s go to L. A.," you said. "Sun"s gone out," you said. "Going to be the feast of the century." But the sun is back, and here we are wasting our time...bowling.

BOWLING VAMPIRE 2: I"m telling you, something big is coming, and when it gets here, we"re gonna be in prime position for-
ANGEL: An ass whoppin"?
WOMAN: Sit with me.
FRED: Do you think we should?
WOMAN: I have nothing to fear.
FRED: OK.
WOMAN: Now, what"re we going to call me?

FRED: You don"t have a name!
WOMAN: No.
FRED: You should have a name.
WOMAN: Yes.
FRED: I don"t know. I can"t imagine one word, you know, summing you up. I mean, you"re a superior being. Shouldn"t you- Don"t you want to choose it yourself?

WOMAN: No one born to this earth can choose their own name. They are named by those who love them. There are some rules even I must follow.

FRED: I"m so sorry. It"s all my fault.
WOMAN: I"ll be fine. You tried to caution me. I should have listened.

ANGEL: Hey! You hurt her, you scum!
CONNOR: Dad!
ANGEL: It"s all right. It"s over. You"re safe now.

AWED WOMAN PATRON: Wh- wha- aw!
WOMAN: Everyone, please, stand up. If you wish to honor me, honor each other. We are all one.
MIDDLE-AGED MAN PATRON: You"re hurt.
WOMAN: I"ll be all right. Everything will be all right.
MARGARET: All my life, so empty. That"s over now, isn"t it?
WOMAN: Yes, Margaret, it"s over. I know you. I know you all. I"ve come here for you to bring you the gift of peace. You will be freed from the pains you"ve suffered. The world will change forever, and you will know the power of my love. The chaos will fade, and harmony will reign.
YOUNG MAN: Monster. It has to die!
WOMAN: Angel, that"s enough.
YOUNG MAN: Don"t you see it? No. Don"t you touch me!
WOMAN: Poor thing. Wesley.
WESLEY: I"ll call an ambulance.
WOMAN: All of you, so loving, so strong. How can I ask you to understand that a man like this, so full of fear, anger, so alonе-he will always be alone, but we have found each other.

GUNN: What about... Helen?
WESLEY: Helen.
GUNN: It"s got a ring.
WESLEY: Yes, it does. However, something along the lines of... Dianthia or Iphigenia.
GUNN: Those are some long lines.
WESLEY: Or Aristophila, which means-
WOMAN: "Supreme lover of mankind." That"s lovely.
GUNN: Well, Helen was my grandma"s name.
WOMAN: Helen is beautiful as well.
WESLEY: All right. What about-
FRED: Clorox.
GUNN: "Clorox, she bleaches away the hate."
WESLEY: Probably best we avoid brand names.
GUNN: Mm-hmm.
FRED: No, I-I meant the shirt. know I can get this stain out.
WOMAN: It"s not important, Fred.
FRED: No, it is. I can make it good as new again.
WOMAN: There"s really no need. It"s just a shirt.
FRED: But it"s yours. And it was on you, on your holy bodiness. And it"s my fault you were attacked.
WOMAN: Nonsense. There is no fault. It was a new and vivid experience. To be able to bleed, feel things, anything-even pain-is a gift. You people take your senses for granted.


FRED: Club soda.
GUNN: May as well let her do her thing.

WESLEY: Yes, Fred can be quite single-minded when she is focused on a problem.

GUNN: Yeah.
WOMAN: You love her very much-both of you. Don"t you see? You both have the same love. That should bring you closer together, not drive you apart.
CONNOR: I"m sorry you were hurt.
WOMAN: Oh. Ah.
CONNOR: But there was so much blood.
WOMAN: I heal quickly. It must be a benefit of being a former power, I guess.

CONNOR: What was wrong with that man? Why did he want to hurt you?
WOMAN: I"m not sure. Some people can"t accept change. It scares them, and that fear becomes hatred, and they take that hatred out on others... or sometimes on themselves.

That fragrance... It"s lovely. What is it?
ANGEL: Must be the jasmine.
WOMAN: Oh, night blooming. So beautiful, so lonely...like you.
ANGEL: I shamed you.
WOMAN: No.
ANGEL: I did. I almost killed that man. I think I would have if-
WOMAN: Angel, you were only trying to protect me. There can be no shame in that.

ANGEL: I don"t want to fail you again.
WOMAN: Then don"t.
ANGEL: It"s not that simple.
WOMAN: Why isn"t it?
ANGEL: "Cause...what I"m feeling.
WOMAN: You must let go of your anger towards that poor soul.
ANGEL: No, not anger...happiness. I"m so happy that you"re here.
WOMAN: And that"s a problem?
ANGEL: For me, yes. If I get too happy, if I allow myself to feel what I"m feeling, Angelus might-

WOMAN: I know. But soon none of that will matter. Evil will be banished by the deeds we will do, Angel. Even the evil that"s inside of you. That too will be gone, and all that will be left is the beauty.
ANGEL: Eradicate all evil.
WOMAN: Yes.
ANGEL: Is that even possible? We"ve been fighting for so long.
WOMAN: I know. I"ve seen it all. It"s why I"ve come back. You are my general. I have faith in you.
ANGEL: You... have faith in me?
WOMAN: I have faith in all my warriors, each and every one of you. You are all up to the task.
You"re not alone anymore. I will be with you everywhere you go. I"ll be at your side,
guiding your hands,
giving you strength. With my help,
all things are possible.
There will be no doubt, no worry, no fear, for you will know you cannot be beaten.

NEWSCASTER: After several weeks of sky-rocketing homicide rates, finally this week a dramatic decrease in southland murders. The Sheriff"s Department spokesman attributes the drop to their new "Tough on Crime" policy instituted last month-


ANGEL: Hm. A little "Credit for the Divinity Behind the Scenes" policy wouldn"t suck.

WOMAN: It"s not important who gets the credit. What matters is that we"re winning.

WESLEY: If we keep going at this rate-

GUNN: L.A."s gonna be one big, fat no-demon zone. Hello, Garden City.
ANGEL: You never doubted us. Not for a second.
WOMAN: There"s no room for doubt, Angel. Only love.
CONNOR: Hey, we made the news. Dramatic decrease in southland murders this week.

LORNE: Oh, hey, so much for that nagging apocalypse. Hey, uh, speaking of dramatic, I"ve got a smidge of surprise for you...upstairs.

WOMAN: Surprises. They"re one of my favorite things about being human.
ANGEL: Isn"t she-
CONNOR: Yeah.
GUNN: A miracle.
FRED: Well, I tried. What do you think?
WESLEY: It looks brand new.
FRED: It is. I-I bought a new one.
WESLEY: Even better.
FRED: I know.
ANGEL: What"s the matter? She"ll love it.
FRED: I know, but she"s not here.
GUNN: She"s just upstairs.
FRED: Yes, but, when she"s not around, I hurt.

WOMAN: Oh, Lorne...
LORNE: It"s, uh, it"s too diva, isn"t it? Diva, deity-it"s a thin line.

WOMAN: It"s lovely. There"s that wonderful smell again- jasmine. Oh, really, Lorne. It"s more than I could ask for.

LORNE: Oh, well, I"m as tickled as, uh, someone so tickled they"re out of similes.
Well, I"ll let you have your privacy.
WOMAN: Thank you again, Lorne.
You"re troubled. Come in, Connor. Tell me what"s bothering you.
CONNOR: I- I can"t.
WOMAN: Of course you can. You can tell me anything.
CONNOR: Cordelia used to say that to me. It"s just-having you here, I finally know why I was created. For you-to help bring you here.


WOMAN: That and so much more.
CONNOR: But, I don"t deserve-I shouldn"t be so happy. I"ve done things. I betrayed my dad, hurt people...
WOMAN: I know... all of it. I"ve watched you-not just these past days-but all your life and before. Connor, you deserve all the happiness I can bring you.

CONNOR: Why me?
WOMAN: I needed a unique soul to help create me. Yours. Even before you were born, I chose you to be my father. And now we"re going to transform the world.

CONNOR: But my father-he"s the champion.
WOMAN: Everything has its season. It"s your time, Connor. Your destiny.
FRED: Hi, I know it"s not the exact same shirt, but it"s pretty close, and I scrubbed the other one "til my fingers bled, but I couldn"t get out the- blood.

WOMAN: Fred? Is something wrong?
FRED: I-I"m sorry.
CONNOR: I"ll get her some water.
FRED: No, don"t. I mean, I"ll be fine.

GUNN: Sounds like someone"s-
LORNE: What? What"s all the booing and hooing, sweet pea?
WESLEY: Fred, there"s no reason to cry. She"s right there.
FRED: I-I know. I just started thinking what it would be like if you weren"t here, and I guess I kinda lost it.

WOMAN: I"m not going anywhere, Fred. You can trust in that.
FRED: I think I just... need some time alone to...you know, count my blessings "cause there"s so many, and it"s good to, um, take stock.

Cordelia, it"s me. I"m here. Hello? Remember before the big brain suck and Lorne read you, and it was all scary, headachy pukiness? What if that"s all true?
Only worse, "cause we don"t even know to fight back, not even Angel. Cordelia, I wish you could-


ANGEL: I know what you"re thinking.
FRED: You do?
ANGEL: Sometimes, when I look in her eyes, I"ve seen it too. It"s overwhelming. The lies, the deceit...just melts away. Nothing left but the beauty.
FRED: Um...yeah, it"s...incredible.
ANGEL: I can"t believe I almost... Seems like a lifetime ago.
FRED: It"s all so different from what we expected.
ANGEL: Big, hideous evil trying to end the world? Nice to be wrong.

FRED: Yeah, and now that she"s here, everything just... seems so easy.
ANGEL: I know. Feels like a dream.
FRED: Mm-hmm. But have you noticed how we all just kinda do what she says, don"t ask questions?
ANGEL: Isn"t it a relief? Constant questioning-it"s finally over.
FRED: Um, hi. Um, yes. I"m looking for a patient-a man. He was brought in Thursday, named Stover.
NURSE: Are you a family member?
FRED: Am I-? Yes. I have a family. I"m a member. He"s my brother. Father. My father"s brother.
NURSE: I have a Stoller.
FRED: Half-brother. Uncle. Half-uncle. Stoller. That"s it. Please, I-I need to know if he"s all right.

NURSE: Dr. Keller treated him.
FRED: Is he still here?
NURSE: He was transferred to- Oh.
FRED: John? John Stoller?
YOUNG MAN: Go away.
FRED: John, I have to ask you...Do you have a history of mental- What I mean to ask is, uh, have you been in this particular ward before?
YOUNG MAN: You mean, am I crazy?
FRED: Well, were you before Thursday?
YOUNG MAN: Leave me alone.
FRED: I don"t think you"re crazy. I think I know what happened. I think I know what you saw because... I saw it too. The woman you attacked-

YOUNG MAN: Not a woman.
FRED: Her face-it"s horrible, isn"t it? Decaying, blood, things living there.
YOUNG MAN: You did see it?
FRED: Yes.
YOUNG MAN: Did it touch you?
FRED: What?
YOUNG MAN: Don"t let it touch you.
FRED: Sh-sh-she did that to you?
YOUNG MAN: Untie me, please. I have to get out of here. I have to finish it.

FRED: Finish what?
YOUNG MAN: She has to die. We have to kill it.
FRED: We? No, I-I-uh, I mean, maybe, but, no...
YOUNG MAN: You said you saw it.
FRED: I did.
YOUNG MAN: You"ve been called too.
FRED: Called?
YOUNG MAN: Called. To the mission.
FRED: Called. No, I... I don"t get called. I"m not the called type. I, you know, take messages for my boss. He gets called. Called?

YOUNG MAN: It"s our duty. Others won"t see. FRED: You"re wrong. If what we saw is true, there are people who will understand, who will help.
YOUNG MAN: You"ve been called.
FRED: No. Like I said, I- OK, that"s just eerie. It"s Angel. They"re probably wondering where I am.
YOUNG MAN: You have to do it.
FRED: I-I have to go. Thank you for your time. I"m sorry to have disturbed you.

YOUNG MAN: Don"t trust her. Don"t trust anyone!
GIRL 1: I"ve never seen you like this.
GIRL 2: I"m telling you, you have to meet her. Come on.
LORNE: We are just excited head over teakettle about this entire event. I-I just can"t even believe- Hey, hey, hey, pumpkin. Where"ve you been?
FRED: Out. What happened?
LORNE: Oh, she went out for a walk-it was like A Hard Day"s Night-everybody followed her back. Isn"t it fabulous. Oh, hey, hey, hey. Excuse me, darling.
WESLEY: Can you believe this? What is it?

FRED: I need you. If I told you something-you know, that maybe you didn"t want to know even-you"d trust me, right?

WESLEY: Of course.
FRED: I...went to see that man from the restaurant. The one who-
WESLEY: The attacker? Why?
FRED: That"s what I wanted to know-why he would do that. Wesley, he saw something. We both s-saw something. I needed to know if it was the same something.

WESLEY: And?
FRED: It was. Wesley, I know you"re going to find this hard to accept, but-
WESLEY: Rotting flesh? Really?
FRED: You don"t believe me.
WESLEY: If you say you saw it, I believe you.

FRED: He told me not to tell anyone, but I-I knew if I came to you-

WESLEY: You did the right thing.
FRED: You"ll help me?
WESLEY: Of course I"ll help you. Wait here.

FRED: I"m sorry.
LORNE: Fred! Are you crazy? What- I mean- Fred!
FRED: Don"t come near me!
ANGEL: Put down the knife, Fred.
FRED: I"ll kill him!
GUNN: You don"t know what you"re doing.
FRED: I"ll kill him, Charles!
LORNE: Easy, kiddo, huh?
WOMAN: There"s nowhere you can go, Fred. My love will follow you everywhere.
LORNE: Hey!
WOMAN: Let her go. Now is not the time. We are all gathered here in peace. Let"s not let her take that away from us.
WESLEY: I can"t believe Fred"s evil.
GUNN: Should"ve seen it coming.
LORNE: Nothing like a homicidal maniac to put a damper on an impromptu spiritual gathering.
WOMAN: What they saw tonight-it"s not what I would have wanted, but now they all understand the reality of what hatred can do to a person.

ANGEL: The reality is...we need to find Fred.

WOMAN: Thank you, Angel. The scent-it soothes me.
ANGEL: We leave now. Connor and I can probably still track her.
WOMAN: I know you"re all in pain. You trusted Fred, and she betrayed you.
GUNN: Forget us. She tried to kill you.

WOMAN: And the sadness that brings me is immeasurable.
LORNE: I should"ve just let her cut my head off. My species-decapitation loophole.

CONNOR: Still might"ve stabbed you, let you bleed to death.

ANGEL: Why didn"t I see it?
WOMAN: Angel, none of us did. You can"t blame yourself.
ANGEL: She was acting weird earlier, and I just thought it was Fred being Fred.
WESLEY: That man at the hospital-I"m still shocked she would go to see him.
GUNN: Once he had her there, must"ve monkeyed with her brain somehow.
CONNOR: Maybe he made her do it, with magic or something.
WOMAN: I doubt even Fred understands why she"s so determined to destroy everything we"re trying to create, which makes her even more dangerous.
ANGEL: We have to kill her. There"s no other way.
WESLEY: As long as she"s out there, she"s a threat.
WOMAN: It may come to that. But first, we have to try to help her. Get to the root of the hatred that"s infected her heart.

ANGEL: The only way to do that is to bring her home. Let"s go.
WOMAN: No. We"ll find Fred, but not tonight. Tomorrow will be easier than today. We"ll have eyes everywhere.
DINER GUY: Here you go. Looks like you just lost your best friend.
FRED: All of them. I never thought-
DINER GUY: Yeah, well, that"s life in the big city.
TV HOST: Welcome back. Chef Arnold Michske will join us later, but right now, we have the most amazing surprise. Please join me in welcoming a very special visitor: Jasmine!


WOMAN / JASMINE: Good morning, Los Angeles. Thank you for inviting me. This is a special day.
TV HOST: We want to know everything about you. Start at the beginning.
JASMINE: Trish, in the beginning, before the time of man, great beings walked the Earth. Untold power emanated from all quarters-the seeds of what would come to be known as good and evil. Yet there was a balance. But the shadow stretched...


The end
 
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