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MAGIC BULLET

BEACH BOYS: Wouldn"t it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn"t have to wait so long.
And wouldn"t it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong.
Know what"s gonna make it that much better-when we can say "good night" and stay together.
Oh, wouldn"t it be nice...

DRIVER: Wha-?!
GUNN: All right, now I"m getting mad.
WESLEY: We"ll find her.
GUNN: Do a whole lot worse than just find her.

WESLEY: There.
Sorry.
Your jacket?
SHOPPING WOMAN: A woman just gave it to me. She said Jasmine wanted me to have it. Isn"t that sweet? Isn"t Jasmine the best?

GUNN: Best of the best.
WESLEY: She"s so wonderful.
GUNN: We should split up. She can"t be far.


Intro

LORNE: I"m awfully sorry. I wish there was something I could do, really. Next?

MAN IN LOBBY: I"m too late, aren"t I? For a room?
LORNE: Yeah, "fraid so, Buckaroo. Singles, suites, even the mouse holes are triple-booked. I got pilgrims pitching pup-tents in the parking lot. Try saying that three times fast and you"ll get a sense of the day I"m having.


MAN IN LOBBY: I"ll give you my house if I can stay. It"s nice. There"s a pool.

LORNE: Sorry, it doesn"t work that way around here, partner. Jasmine doesn"t want your things, and neither do I.
MAN IN LOBBY: I just want to be near her, you know. Saw her on the news last night. And I wanted to say thanks for making me feel-

LORNE: Hey, preaching to the choir. I thought Our Lady of the Perpetual Sea Breeze was the real deal until the Divine Miss J walked right through that door and right into my ass-which is where my heart is...physiologically. I could show you an x-ray.
Hey, don"t be shy, Slim Jim. Go get some of that gorgeous goodness.


JASMINE: Hello, and thank you all for coming.

SUBTITLE: Your child will lead a healthy and loving life.
CHINESE WOMAN: Ohhh...
ANGEL: How do you do that?
JASMINE: Mandarin"s not so tough when you"ve been around a zillion years.
ANGEL: No, I mean, how is it that you always know exactly what each person needs to hear.

JASMINE: Just look into their hearts. And sometimes, it"s right on their face. Seсor...
MEXICAN MAN: Si?
JASMINE: Tu bigote te da fuerca y dignida.
SUBTITLE: Your moustache provides you great strength and dignity.
MEXICAN MAN: Gracias. Muchas gracias.
CONNOR: I wish I could see what you see.

JASMINE: You will. Hello. My love is all around you.
ANGEL: Will you excuse us for a moment?
GUNN: This close, then she pulled a Houdini.

CONNOR: What"s a Houdini?
WESLEY: She escaped.
ANGEL: Fred"s obviously learned a trick or two here at Angel, Inc. But we"ll catch her.

CONNOR: I"ll find her. Bring back her scalp.
WESLEY: No. Jasmine wants her alive.
ANGEL: Wes is right. Fred gets to live until we understand why she rejected Jasmine"s love.

CONNOR: Why would anybody reject love?
GUNN: Maybe "cause she has a history of doing that.
ANGEL: Whatever the reason is, we have to find her so Jasmine can straighten her out.

JASMINE: Would you like to come with me? And you, my friend, will you join us?
MAN IN LOBBY: Yes. Thank you.
JASMINE: Bless you all for coming.

GUNN: You think she"ll ever pick us?

WESLEY: If we"re lucky. But not before we find Fred.
FRED: Um, hi. You probably don"t remember me-
SHOPKEEPER: Three days ago. Mass hypnosis. You wondered if it was possible.
FRED: I read those books. Some wacko theories, by the way. All of the mass hypnosis theories seem highly flawed to me. I"m looking for a type of mind control that could affect everyone across the board.

SHOPKEEPER: I might have a book on that.

FRED: Astral Projections. Satan"s Dictionary? You must get some pretty colorful customers in here.
SHOPKEEPER: Used to. You"re the only customer I had since last time you were here.

FRED: Oh.
SHOPKEEPER: Not a huge demand for photo books of serial killer autopsies when you"re living in a utopian wonderland. You know what I mean?
FRED: I hadn"t really though it- Must be hard.

SHOPKEEPER: Hard? Are you kidding? It"s great.
FRED: Great? Really?
SHOPKEEPER: Yeah. Look at me. I"ve never been happier.
FRED: Uh, sure. I see it now. You"re practically glowy.
SHOPKEEPER: I was flicking through the radio the other night-there"s nothing really good on since Art Bell retired. But, uh, ended up listening to this woman talk.

FRED: Jasmine.
SHOPKEEPER: Yeah. You too, huh? What a breath of fresh air she is. I listened for almost an hour. I"m a new man. I-I used to be obsessed with mind control. I read everything I could get my hands on.
FRED: And you don"t believe in it anymore?

SHOPKEEPER: I believe. I just don"t worry about it anymore.
FRED: So, you don"t worry that it"s possible for someone to send out a biological or electronic trigger that effectively overrides your own sense of ideals and values, and replaces them with an alternative coercive agenda that reduces you to little more than a mindless meat puppet?


SHOPKEEPER: Wow. People used to think that I was paranoid. I mean, don"t get me wrong. I still got the implants in my head. C.I.A. is still listening in. It just doesn"t bother me anymore. Instead, I-I beam Jasmine"s love up to their satellite, you know? Share the love with those M.K.-Ultra bastards.


FRED: That"ll teach "em.
SHOPKEEPER: Hey. Now I get it.
FRED: You do?
SHOPKEEPER: Yeah. I know what you"re doing.
The book: Making mind control work for you.


SHOPKEEPER: You want to fight fire with fire. Make sure the government and the other savages learn about Jasmine"s love.

FRED: Exact- that"s exactly right. Why should we be the only shiny, happy people?

SHOPKEEPER: We don"t need to use the evil tools of "the man" when we have "the wo-man". We need to trust that Jasmine"s love will reach the rest of the world just like it reached us.
FRED: Oh, happy day.
CONNOR: She"s been down here.
ANGEL: How old were you when you realized you could track like this?

CONNOR: I don"t know. Five, six. We didn"t exactly celebrate birthdays in Quor-Toth. Holtz made up a game so I could practice.

ANGEL: What do you mean he"d hide things for you to find?
CONNOR: Kind of. He"d tie me to a tree and then run away.
ANGEL: What?
CONNOR: You know, so I"d have to escape and then find him. One time it only took me five days.
ANGEL: Five days. He abandoned you... Connor, that"s terrible. That"s-
CONNOR: Why I"m so good at tracking. Fred rested here for a while.
ANGEL & CONNOR: Jasmine wants us back at the hotel.
JASMINE: Before the time of man, great beings walked the Earth. Untold power emanated from all quarters-
I sound like the prologue to one of those movies about magical dwarves.
GUNN: Hobbits. And you watch movies?
JASMINE: I love movies.
LORNE: Well, then you should know this is the greatest story ever told.

JASMINE: Sweet.
WESLEY: The design team will have your site ready to go in a couple of days. Just let me know when you want it to go online.
JASMINE: Soon.
GUNN: I still don"t understand why you don"t just sashay into a TV studio, say, scoot over Regis and sweet-talk your love to the whole wide world.
JASMINE: It"s not the world"s time yet. There"s still a lot I have to learn. Come in.
ANGEL: You called us.
CONNOR: How did you do that?
ANGEL: We felt it.
JASMINE: We"re all becoming connected-all of us. And, now that you"re all here, I want to test that connection. We"re going to find Fred.
CONNOR: Isn"t that what we"ve been trying to do?
JASMINE: This is different. No more running around town. Everybody, join hands. I can"t do this alone. Not yet. I want y"all to close your eyes. Now, picture Fred. Picture what she looks like: her face, her big brown eyes, the way she styles her hair, the clothes she likes the wear, the sound of her voice, what she looks like when she smiles. Now concentrate. Where are you, Fred? I"m looking for you.



FRED: 219.
DESK CLERK: Sure. Here you go.
FRED: Thanks.
JASMINE: I see her. I see Fred.
There"s nowhere to run, dear.
My love is all around you.
BURNING MAN: Fred, don"t be afraid. Don"t be afraid, Fred.
CONNOR: Ah!
ANGEL: Easy! Lorne, a chair!
WESLEY: What happened?
CONNOR: Her hand got hot.
WESLEY: She"s badly burned.
LORNE: Call a doctor
JASMINE: No, no, I"ll be fine. I just need to rest.
ANGEL: We should get you a doctor.
JASMINE: I"m fine. I saw Fred, clear as I"m seeing you. Obviously, there"re some painful kinks to work out, but it"s a start.

CONNOR: She got away, didn"t she?
JASMINE: Yes. But don"t worry. Everybody who loves me now knows what she looks like, knows to catch her, knows to call us. There"s no place Fred can hide.

WESLEY: What do you want us to do?
JASMINE: You already know.
ANGEL: She"s right. There"s work to do here. We have a hotel full of people, people who have needs.
LORNE: You know what they say about people who need people...
CONNOR: They"re the luckiest people in the world.
LORNE: You been sneaking peeks at my Streisand collection again, kiddo?
CONNOR: Just kinda popped out.
JASMINE: This is what I"m talking about. Everything is becoming connected-the same way I saw Fred.
ANGEL: Are you saying that we"re becoming psychic?
JASMINE: No, what I"m saying is-
GUNN: Hot water just went out down on the third floor-
WESLEY: And there"s a plumber in the lobby who can help us.
JASMINE: That"s what I"m saying. Now, I need to rest, focus on healing my hand. Oh, there"re a pair of sisters in the lobby.

ANGEL: Blondes.
LORNE: The Bailey twins.
GUNN: I"ll ask them if they"d like to come up and visit you.
JASMINE: Exactly what I was thinking. This is only the beginning. No one will ever have to feel lonely again.
FRED: Ohh! Get off!
CREATURE: I"m vegetarian!
FRED: Really? With those choppers?
CREATURE: OK. I eat fish and occasionally vermin, but that"s it, I swear! You believe me, don"t you?
FRED: You"re still breathing, aren"t you?
CREATURE: More like hyperventilating. You scared the cream cheese outta me. What"re you doing?
Don"t-don"t do that. Go on. Get a room.

FRED: Sit down! Any monkey business, and I"ll chop you down like a cherry tree.
CREATURE: So, we just gonna sit here like this?
FRED: Maybe.
CREATURE: Can you give me a time frame? Because I got a bladder the size a jujube.

FRED: Shut up! I"m trying to figure some stuff out.
WESLEY: Consider her armed, dangerous, and quite possibly insane. Don"t let her grace or gentle beauty fool you. Winifred Burkle is a monster, a siren hoping to lure you away from Jasmine and onto the rocks of heresy and destruction.
GUNN: Amen to that.
WESLEY: Now, uh, Lorne has a few important announcements and, as I understand, a very special surprise.
LORNE: Blessings and moon-pies, brethren and sistren. I"ll cut right to the chase and start with the hourly Jasmine report. Her royal yumminess is currently resting after a particularly exhausting day. No word yet whether she"ll make a drive-by this evening or not. Good news for you third floor faithful: the hot water"s back on. OK, and now-and now it"s time for that big surprise we"ve been talking about.

Tonight we"re gonna try kicking it a little different at fellowship hall because tonight-tonight is open mic night. That"s right, that"s right, love bugs. So anyone who wants to get up here and share their personal joy about good queen Jasmine is more than welcome.


So, who wants to get the ball rolling?

YOUNG BOY: "Why I Love Jasmine" by Lenford Detweiler. I love Jasmine because she makes food taste good.
ROCK DUDE: Jasmine rocks. Jasmine rocks.

DEAF WOMAN - SUBTITLE: I wish I could be in Fred"s skull...so I could explode her brain and kill her for rejecting Jasmine.

LORNE: Freddie"s dead...Oh, that"s what I said.
VERY OLD WOMAN: I have 37 cats, and I"ve just changed all their names to Jasmine.
ANGEL & CONNOR: Now we realize how happy you"ve made us, oh, Jasmine. You came and you gave without taking...

GUNN: We should be doing this every night.
ANGEL & CONNOR: And we"ll keep you forever, oh, Jasmine. You came and you gave without taking... And we"ll keep you forever, oh, Jasmine.
CREATURE: Kinda drafty in here, what with that hole you smashed in the roof. You mind if I quest for fire? Forget it. I"ll just freeze to death. Not like I care anymore. On the run like an animal.

FRED: You don"t live here?
CREATURE: Do you live in a dirt hole?
FRED: No.
CREATURE: Do you want to live in a dirt hole?
FRED: No.
CREATURE: Then why the hell do you think that I live in a dirt hole?
FRED: You"re a demon.
CREATURE: I"m an executive demon, thank you very much. I had an office and an assistant and a beautiful porcelain cup for my tea. Now I live in a dirt hole because of those freakin" Jasmaniacs and their demon jihad!

FRED: Wait. You"re here because of Jasmine? Me too. I"m a fugitive too.
CREATURE: Wow. Amazing. Two beings dissimilar as you and me discovering a shared link against a common foe. Huh. The irony. My feelings for you are changing. I feel warmth. Wait. No, I don"t. That"s just me wetting myself because you wouldn"t let me pee! Thanks for nothing.
FRED: Hey, I"m as new to this fugitive thing as you are. That"s what I"ve been trying to suss out all night-how Jasmine controls people. We have to stop her!

CREATURE: OK, fine, we"ll stop her, but not tonight. Not "til I"ve had a little shuteye. I"m beat. Huh. Hey, these yours? "Cause I"ve never seen "em before. Why would anyone keep a stash of these tasty little-uh, disgusting meaty things like this laying around? OK, so, not a vegetarian. Finger food? I got you demon jihad right here!



FRED: Here I am. Come and get me.
JASMINE: Fred.
SHOPKEEPER: Hey, Fred.
FRED: You know my name.
SHOPKEEPER: You"re famous.
FRED: I"ll chop out your implants, you come any closer.
SHOPKEEPER: No need to worry. We"re under strict orders not to hurt you.
FRED: So, Jasmine"s coming for me?
SHOPKEEPER: Yeah. Could I get your autograph?
FRED: Anything for a fan. Who should I sign it to?
JASMINE: To me, of course. And to reward you for your faithfulness: Dallas, November 22, 1963-there was no second gunman. Oswald acted alone.
SHOPKEEPER: Oh, my God!
JASMINE: You know that I love you, don"t you, Fred? And there"s nothing that you can do or say to make me stop loving you.

FRED: I"m so sorry.
JASMINE: It"s OK. I forgive you.
FRED: No, I"m talking to Angel. I hope he can forgive me.
ANGEL: Dumb idea for such a smarty. You know bullets don"t kill me. Want to see how they work on you?
FRED: Look at her.
ANGEL: No.
JASMINE: Angel.
FRED: I"m sorry. I had to show you. I"m so sorry.
CONNOR: Show you what?
ANGEL: No. It can"t be. No.
JASMINE: My blood...
CONNOR: Dad, what"s going on?
JASMINE: Don"t. He"s been infected. I"m sorry, Connor. He"s as dead to us as Fred.

FRED: I loved you so much.
CONNOR: We need to get you out of here.
You ruined everything. I don"t understand. How"d it happen?
JASMINE: Let them go.
CONNOR: They need to be stopped.
JASMINE: I need your help.
SHOPKEEPER: Wow. So much blood.
JASMINE: Stay away from it-both of you. We need to clean this up.
CONNOR: I"ll do it.
JASMINE: No. Burn it to the ground.
SHOPKEEPER: OK. You want me to stay here?
LORNE: As scrump-dilly-icious as these hot dishes are, they"d be a whole lot tastier if our cocoa-colored queen were here.














GUNN: I heard that. I keep shoveling pie into my hole and still feel empty. Anybody else picking up on some weird hurdy-gurdy feelings?
WESLEY: Something"s definitely off, but without Jasmine around, I can"t sense it specifically. You getting anything?
LORNE: Oh, just a visual on our lovely leader.

GUNN: A visual? Really. Some gift you"ve got there, Kreskin. Where is she?
LORNE: Over yonder.
WESLEY: Shouldn"t Angel be with them?

JASMINE: I"ll make this brief. Fred infected Angel. He"s gone. Lost to us.
GUNN: What?
JASMINE: Don"t worry. I"m not so easily undone as that.
WESLEY: Any idea how she did it, how Fred turned him?
JASMINE: Yes. My kindness turned him. By being loving to Fred, I opened the door to her hate. By trying to save Fred, I lost Angel. It won"t happen again. We must eradicate their hate.

You. You. And you. Come with me. Connor.
LORNE: I can"t believe little old Fred managed to sway Angel back to the dark side.

GUNN: Evil. Not evil. Evil again. Wish he"d make up his mind.
WESLEY: I guess the good news is it doesn"t matter anymore. Jasmine says Angel has to die, he dies.

FRED: Angel...you OK?
ANGEL: Bullet feels like a bee sting.
FRED: That"s not what I meant-
ANGEL: I know what you meant. I don"t want to talk about it.
FRED: I think you do.
ANGEL: I miss her so much. I never...

FRED: I know. It"s been over a week, and I still cry. Part of me wishes I still believed the lie.

ANGEL: Well, why don"t we? I mean, I"m not exactly clear on-
FRED: Jasmine"s blood. It was on the bullet that hit you. Somehow it breaks her spell when it mingles with ours. I think it must"ve got in my system when I was trying to get the blood off her blouse.

ANGEL: You did the right thing, Fred. It took a lot of courage. It must"ve been hard for you.

FRED: I"m sorry. I"ve been so alone and scared. I"m not like you, not a champion.

ANGEL: Everything I see says different.

FRED: We need more of Jasmine"s blood. We have to help the others.
ANGEL: We"ll never get close to her, not now.

FRED: Then we need another way. What?
ANGEL: It"s pretty horrible, but ma-
FRED: You think they bought it?
ANGEL: I did. I-I mean, I didn"t hear anything.
JASMANIAC WOMAN: Angel.
JASMANIAC MAN: You"re dead, Fred.
ANGEL: I"m thinking they didn"t buy it.
JASMINE: Stand guard. No one comes into the hallway.
Over there. Take off your clothes.
FRED: I can"t even count all the ways this is wrong.
ANGEL: It"s not like she"ll feel it. Right? I mean, she"s-
FRED: Brain dead? The expression doesn"t leave a lot to the imagination, does it?
ANGEL: Just makes what I have to do a little easier.
I"m so sorry.
Oh, my God. She"s awake. Cordy? Cordelia? Can you hear me? We"re right here. Did you see that? She grabbed my hand.
FRED: Angel, people in comas-sometimes their bodies just do things- Mumble words, maybe even open their eyes. Doesn"t necessarily mean they"re waking up.

ANGEL: But it could, right? I mean, stranger things have happened.
FRED: Like Cordelia giving birth to a beautiful ebony goddess?
ANGEL: Not the example I was looking for, but yeah.
FRED: I know. Sorry. Maybe we should get this over with.
Is that enough?
LORNE: Any more room at the inn?
Look at this. Pigs in paradise. Mind if I pay my respects to the woman who made peace on Earth a possible possibility? Thank you, Cordelia, for your sacrifice, for bringing our Jasmine into the world- Hey. Hey! What"re you doing to the h- Unclean! Unclean!

CONNOR: You"re the most beautiful thing I"ve ever seen.
JASMINE: My sweet boy.
CONNOR: Where are those people?
JASMINE: I ate them.
CONNOR: Cool.
ANGEL: You sure you can do this?

LORNE: Hallelujah.
Hey, I"m praisin" Jasmine. How "bout you?
WOMAN: Yeah.
LORNE: Ha ha. OK. Tonight, the role of Judas Iscariot will be played by Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan. Hey, feeling the love, huh? Thank you, Jasmine. Feeling the love. Hey, good news, my devoted darlings. Jasmine"s pulling you out of stacking duty and wants to see us ASAP for a little TLC.

WESLEY: Really? I haven"t sensed anything. Have you?
GUNN: No. And everything else has been feeling pretty clear.
LORNE: Tout de suite, mes amis.

WESLEY: What happened to you?
LORNE: What do you mean?
WESLEY: Your wrist. You"ve cut it.
LORNE: Oh, that"s is- That"s a long, boring story. Come on.
WESLEY: How did you figure it out?
FRED: It was Angel. He figured since Cordy gave birth to Jasmine, they might share a blood link as well as a mystical one.

ANGEL: We hoped Cordy"s blood would have the same effect when we exposed you to it.

GUNN: Thanks for nothing.
LORNE: Yeah, you slashed this wrist, and I"m ready to do the other one myself.
WESLEY: Everything we believed...deception.
ANGEL: And how do we convince several million other people that Jasmine"s message is false?
FRED: It"s impossible. Even if we"re able to develop a synthetic analog to the blood, there"s-I mean, how do we fight something this huge and powerful?

ANGEL: I don"t know yet, but what I do know is I"m not leaving this hotel without my son.
WESLEY: I"ll get him. I"ve kidnapped him before.
CONNOR: What? Hey! No!
ANGEL: It"s gonna be OK.
FRED: You"ve been lied to. We all have.
ANGEL: Don"t make this any harder.
CONNOR: Let go.
ANGEL: Easy.
CONNOR: Don"t.
Aah! I"ll kill you.
ANGEL: It"ll pass.
LORNE: Right, "cause Lord knows he"s never tried that before.
GUNN: You"re back with us now, Connor.
ANGEL: Sorry. The only way to make you see.

FRED: What you"re feeling is normal. We"re all feeling it. The sadness-it gets better after a while.
CONNOR: Jasmine.
ANGEL: You understand why we"re here?
CONNOR: They"re here! Come quick! They"re here.

The end

 
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