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PLAYERS

CORDELIA: I know it"s a bit of a shock. I mean, nobody"s more shocked than me. OK, maybe him.

FRED: Um, sorry to be so... but I"m, like you said, kinda shocked.
GUNN: Yeah, "cause hasn"t it only been like... Definitely shocked.
CORDELIA: I haven"t been hiding, or ashamed, or anything... It"s just with the Beast and his psycho master, and then Faith and Willow and all that dramarama, not to mention-
ANGEL: Angelus.
CORDELIA: Everything"s just been so Clash of the Titans around here. I didn"t wanna be a distraction.
LORNE: Wha...? Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school. A mystical pregnancy right under my beak and not even a tingle. Huh.
WESLEY: How long have you known?
CORDELIA: Some time after we brought forth Angelus.
GUNN: That"s a couple of weeks. Looks more like eight months.
WESLEY: The last time Cordelia was impregnated, she came to term overnight.

CORDELIA: That was a crawly evil demon thing. This is different.
FRED: Still, shouldn"t we try and find out...what"s in there?
CONNOR: We already know. Our baby.
GUNN: Well, congratulations. You"re gonna have a grandspawn.
CONNOR: You don"t know what it"s like. How scary it is. I"m gonna have a child, and all you can do is joke "cause you don"t like me. We shouldn"t have told "em.

FRED: Cordelia...
CORDELIA: I know it"s hard to understand. None of you have ever had a living being growing inside of you. And this- my sweet baby-we"re connected. I feel what it feels. I can"t explain it, but I sense its goodness, its love. You"ll see. My baby will be here soon, and then you"ll all see.


Intro

MAN: How"d you do that?
GWEN: I"m a thief. Got my stuff? Would you stop it?
MAN: Stop what?
GWEN: Acting shifty. You"ve never done this before, have you? Let me give you a tip, sugar bear. There are over eight million people in this city, and as far as anyone can tell, we"re just two of "em. Just a normal couple. Nobody"s gonna give us a second look if you just stop acting shifty.

MAN: Look, these are very powerful people that you"re going up against. If they catch you, they"ll kill you-
GWEN: I know the risks, but I"m going in there with or without your help. And I"m not coming out without Lisa. So, are we gonna dance, or what?
MAN: That"s everything. Security, blueprints, background.
GWEN: There. That wasn"t so bad, was it?
MAN: So, is it that obvious? That I"ve never done-
GWEN: Trench coat. Definite rookie mistake.

MAN: So, I should... dress more like you? You know, maybe when this is all over, you and I could- Holy sh-
GWEN: Really, I"m fine. Thanks for asking.

FRED: Were we too harsh? I was just asking.

WESLEY: No, they were bound to skulk off to neutral corners.
GUNN: Two vampires hook up, and-for the only time in vamp history-have a kid, our boy Connor. Then Connor grows up, knocks it out with Cordelia, a part-demon former higher-being. And-quick as you can say "Easy Bake Oven"-there"s a gigantic bun in hers. I don"t think we were too harsh.


FRED: The first time Connor tried to attack Angelus, Lorne"s sanctuary spell knocked him halfway to Abilene.

WESLEY: Which means Connor is at least part-demon.
LORNE: Yeah, well that was before my spell went all Flop-a-palooza.

FRED: Having two part-demon parents might could explain the... woosh factor.

GUNN: Not gonna be long until woosh turns into pop.
LORNE: Speaking of "pop," don"t you think our re-ensouled leader should be a part of this little confab?

ANGEL: Easy Bake. Flop-a-palooza. Woosh. Pop. I don"t skulk. I"ve been thinking...about the past few weeks and Angelus-

FRED: Angel, you can"t feel guilty for anything Angelus did.
ANGEL: I know. I knew the risks. We all did. And some of us paid a higher price than others. Angelus didn"t kill Lilah. She was already dead, killed by the Beast.

FRED: Well, that"s...less terrible.
ANGEL: There"s no excuse for...what Angelus did to her, but... I"m sorry for your loss. We"ve got two pressing matters: figuring out what we can about Cordelia"s pregnancy, and destroying the Beast"s master. Lorne you"re-

LORNE: Reliable as a cheap fortune cookie?

ANGEL: I was gonna say a guy with good contacts. There have to be rumblings around town about this new player. Talk to your sources. See if anyone knows anyone who might know anything.

LORNE: I"m your demon.
ANGEL: Fred. Wesley, if there"s experts on mystical births, we"re it.

WESLEY: Uh, we"ll pull all the files on Darla and her pregnancy and see what we can find.

ANGEL: Gunn, I want you to sit tight for now. It never hurts to have some muscle on deck. In the mean time, there has to be a reason why the Beastmaster wanted Angelus. I"m gonna piece together everything I know-things he said to me when he was in my head, everything he"s done. Maybe something will-

GWEN: Strike you?
Careful what you wish for.
FRED: Well, look who"s back now that the lights are on.
GWEN: Aw, missed you too, babe.
ANGEL: Gwen, it"s really not a great time for a social call. We"re pretty swamped. You know, uh... apocalypse.
GWEN: Thing is, there"s a girl. She"s in trouble. It"s what you guys do, right?

ANGEL: Well, yeah.
GWEN: So, I"m in a jam. I can"t get out of it alone. I need someone suave, a guy who can handle himself in a tight spot.

ANGEL: Gwen, I"d love to help-
GWEN: I meant him.
CORDELIA: I"ve been looking all over for you. Connor, what they said...you can"t let it bother you.
CONNOR: I don"t care what they say.

CORDELIA: Really? Is that why you retreated to the Fortress of Solitude?
CONNOR: It doesn"t make sense.
CORDELIA: Freaking out over pregnancy"s pretty much the M.O. with the gang around here.
CONNOR: Not them. You. All that stuff you said about Angelus. And Willow...she-she didn"t open a gate to evil. She put back Angel"s soul. I almost killed him.
CORDELIA: But you didn"t. Angel"s back. Everything worked out. Everything happens for a reason, even if it doesn"t always seem that way.
CONNOR: How can you say that?
CORDELIA: Think about it. You sinking Angel to the bottom of the ocean. Getting kicked out of the house. Me not knowing who I was and coming to you for help. All of those moments and a million others led to this miracle.
CONNOR: But sending me down to the basement. I had the stake. What was the reason for that?
CORDELIA: I thought our baby was in danger, and all my instincts told me that killing Angelus was the only way to protect it.

CONNOR: But you were wrong.
CORDELIA: What"s important is that when I needed help, you were there for me. Now I know I can trust you. Completely. No matter what. See? Everything happens for a reason. Connor, before our baby comes, I might ask you to do some things...for us. And I want you to remember, there"s always a reason.


CONNOR: I"ll remember.
GUNN: So, why me?
GWEN: I told you. I need a suave guy in a tight spot.
GUNN: Suave? You been collecting these for a while?
GWEN: Yeah, I get one each trip. I just brought the dolphin back from Tahiti. You collect anything when you travel?

GUNN: Uh, yeah. I, uh, I got a big ol" scar on my thigh from Boyle Heights... A piece of vamp stake I picked up a while back in Alhambra... And a couple of burn marks on my hip from Encino... Yep, name a town, I"ll show you the souvenir.
GWEN: I didn"t mean to...
GUNN: I"m not complaining. Hell, I"ve seen more here than most people"ve seen traveling around the world. Someday, maybe. So, what"s so big and bad that Electro-Gwen needs my super-suave assistance? Something about a girl in trouble?

GWEN: Yeah. I did a little black-bag deal-eo for this corp. Happens all the time. Two companies vie for a contract. Company A hires me to make sure Company B"s thingamabob doesn"t so much bob as bust.


GUNN: And Company A gets a multi-million dollar payday.
GWEN: Right, but this time Company B fought back. They kidnapped this girl. Her name is Lisa. She"s the daughter of the guy who hired me to do the dirty work.

GUNN: And nobody can go to the cops "cause-
GWEN: Of what I did. So, you see? It"s my fault. I have to save her, and I have to do it alone. Don"t ask. This is everything I could get on the man who"s holding her. His name is Takeshi Morimoto. He"s the head honcho of the company I tanked. He"s promised to kill the girl if Company A doesn"t come clean about what they did.


GUNN: This dude"s a serious player. Chairman Emeritus, honorary degrees, all kinds of charity work, cancer research, wildlife preservation, the Zoo Committee... Whoa, bank fraud, smuggling, money laundering-


GWEN: And now kidnapping.
GUNN: This guy know about you?
GWEN: Nope. That"s why I think we have a shot of getting to the girl. They"re keeping her at his compound. It"s gated. Armed guards, infrared surveillance, dogs, the works.

If we"re gonna have half a chance- You"re gonna have to stop grinning like that and share the joke with the entire class. You think this is impossible?
GUNN: No, I think it"s fantastic. Listen, I spent most of this year trapped in what I can only describe as a turgid supernatural soap-opera. The fact that I have a chance to go out and really help somebody...Well, you know, it feels good to be doing good. So, how"re we breaking into Fort Knox?


GWEN: We"re walking in the front door.
How"re you doing?
GUNN: You tell me. I"m thinking James Bond never looked this fine.

GWEN: I"m thinking you"re right.
GUNN: Of course, I"d feel better if we were packing some of his secret weapons.

GWEN: Charles, we are the secret weapons. Nervous?
GUNN: Nah. I"ve gotten into clubs with tighter security than this.
GWEN: One down, one to go.
GUNN: Hey, how"s your electro-thing gonna do with these metal detectors?
GWEN: Piece of cake.
GUNN: Now, if we can just get out as easily as we got in- Why did I even say that?
Uh, what...seems to be the problem?

SECURITY GUARD: The electronic imprints on your invitation"s been altered.
GWEN: I can explain that. I was struck by lightning. Really. See how my life sucks?

SECURITY GUARD: Step this way, please. Please don"t make a scene.
GWEN: A little late for that, isn"t it? What with the beeping and batons...
GUNN: Maybe this isn"t our night.
GWEN: Then we make it our night. This is my one shot, Gunn, and I am not leaving without you-know-who...and if that means we do it the hard way-

GUNN: Ah ah ah. Keep your mittens on, sparky. Morimoto-san. Konbanwa.
MORIMOTO: Konbanwa. Okoshi kudasai arigato gozaimasu.
GUNN: Sorry, didn"t follow that last bit. Shot my entire Japanese vocabulary when I said hello.
MORIMOTO: The gesture is still appreciated. GUNN: Mr. Morimoto, I"m Charles Gunn. We met at the zoo benefit last year. You don"t remember me, do you? Your wife held that monkey right after my girlfriend did. Ugly little gray thing-the monkey, not my girl. Gwen, you remember Mr. Morimoto. We met him at the zoo benefit.



GWEN: How could I forget.
GUNN: Mr. Morimoto, in case we don"t have an opportunity to speak later, please do me the honor of accepting this humble gift... to thank you for inviting us into your beautiful home.

MORIMOTO: You"re too generous.
GUNN: Please. It"s just a trinket.
MORIMOTO: It"s beautiful.
GUNN: Well, I read somewhere you love tigers.
MORIMOTO: Truly exquisite. Thank you.

SECURITY GUARD: If you"ll follow me, please.
GWEN: OK, we tried it your way-
GUNN: Hang on.
SECURITY GUARD: This way. Please. All right. Go ahead.
FRED: That"s supposed to be a kid?
WESLEY: An infant Gatbar demon. The spikes grow to full size in the womb.
FRED: Ouch. Gross factor aside, these pregnancies all seem to be run-of-the-mill demon lifecycle stuff. Nothing mystical about "em.
WESLEY: They"re just pictures, Fred.
FRED: It"s the pictures in my mind that are getting me. I can"t stop thinking about Connor and Cordy...hiding up in that room...imagining what they do up there. It"s like being stuck in a really bad movie with those Clockwork Orange clampy things on my eyeballs.


WESLEY: Why imagine? Reality"s disturbing enough.
FRED: Connor"s Angel"s son. How did he and Cordy get all...couply?
WESLEY: They were probably as surprised as anyone. But they were both lost, lonely...

FRED: No matter how lonely I was, I would never-
WESLEY: Things happen, Fred. When you"re alienated from the people who care about you, you start to look other places.
FRED: Hm. Lilah.
WESLEY: We were fighting on opposite sides, but it was the same war.
FRED: But you hated her...didn"t you?
WESLEY: It"s not always about holding hands...
GWEN: So, when did you become Mr. Japanese Ambassador?
GUNN: Well, you watch enough Samurai movies, you learn a couple of things about the culture. The first is Reishiki, which is a fancy way of stressing proper etiquette at all times. The other is never underestimate the value of a thoughtful gift.

GWEN: You mean that gift you stole?

GUNN: Yeah, sorry about that. Hope it wasn"t too valuable.
GWEN: Let you in on a little secret?
GUNN: You stole it back?
GWEN: It"s not like eighteenth century jade is falling off trucks.
GUNN: What? Is that her? Shouldn"t she be tied to a chair or something?

GWEN: Tied up or dressed up, she"s a prisoner. Look at the muscle around her. I"m gonna go see if I can get a better look. No, keep an eye on Morimoto.
ANGEL: Come on in, Cordelia.
CORDELIA: You know, that never stops creeping me out.
ANGEL: Yeah? I"m kind of creeped out myself.
CORDELIA: Can we not do this right now?
ANGEL: OK by me. I"m kinda in the middle of something anyway.
CORDELIA: Anything coming to mind?
ANGEL: Not really.
CORDELIA: Nothing?
ANGEL: Look, to be honest, I"m almost pining for the halcyon days of the Beast.
CORDELIA: Right, "cause it"s not like he slaughtered hundreds of people with his bare hands.
ANGEL: The Beast was just a flunky.
CORDELIA: Who did his master"s bidding.

ANGEL: Killing Manny, stealing my soul, murdering Lilah...those were surgical strikes. Not the smash-and-trash style of the Beast.

CORDELIA: But if lava boy didn"t do all that, who did?
ANGEL: His master.
CORDELIA: I"m his master. I"m his all-powerful master, and I"m gonna break into a guarded room, steal your soul from a safe-not by ripping it open, but by using the combination-then I"m gonna hunt and kill Lilah right under this very roof. Sure. Evil geniuses live for that playing with fire stuff.

ANGEL: You don"t understand. This thing was in my head. I"ve heard him, and he"s insane enough to pull those kinds of stunts.

CORDELIA: When you say "insane," you mean, like, diabolical?
ANGEL: No, I mean like deluded and demented. He spoke to me in this cheezy, self-important voice. I bet he doesn"t even have a master plan-he"s just making it up as he goes along. Hey, don"t worry. We"ll figure it out. Come on, anybody as daredevily as this guy will slip up sooner or later. When he does, he"s dead.


OVER-JEWELED WOMAN: Meteor showers, earthquakes, that strange thing with the sun. I find it an exciting time to be in Los Angeles.

MORIMOTO: I couldn"t agree more. I can"t help but feel something wonderful"s coming, don"t you, Mr. Gunn?


GUNN: Well, something seems to be coming, all right, just ain"t so sure I"d call it wonderful. If you"ll excuse me... Gwen, you"re not gonna b-What is it?

GWEN: They"re gonna kill her...tonight.

GUNN: Not gonna happen.
GWEN: We have to act fast. You need to get Lisa and get out.
GUNN: You mean "we" need to?
GWEN: No, I mean "you." I"m going over to the other side of the room to create one hell of a distraction. By the time they"ve figured out what hit "em, you"ll have her half-way to my place. This is our one shot.

GUNN: Like I said when I signed up, it feels good to be doing good.

GWEN: OK, work your way over there. Wait for my signal.
GWEN: Oh, my God! Somebody"s trying to hurt that little girl.
SECURITY GUARD: This is Bravo-9. We have a situation in progress.
GUNN: Hang in there, we"re almost out.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Ah. Ah. Now you did it. I"m gonna have to get your lame-ass blood all over my sweet new suit.

You know, I spent the last couple of weeks whacking on a giant lava demon and more vamps than I can count. I almost forgot how good it feels to just let off a little steam. All right, let"s get you out of here.

It"s OK. I"m here to take you home.

LITTLE GIRL: I am home.
GUNN: No, you"ve been kidnapped.
LITTLE GIRL: Get out of my house.
GUNN: Your name"s not Lisa, is it?
LITTLE GIRL: I"m Aiko Morimoto, and when my daddy finds out you tried to hurt me, he"s gonna kill you.
GWEN: It"s you.
GUNN: It was the scanners, wasn"t it? Why you wanted me. Angel, no heartbeat.

GWEN: Security scan of a dead guy might"ve raised a few eyebrows.

GUNN: You know, for about five seconds, I thought you might actually care about something.
GWEN: OK, so what if I didn"t tell you about my plan? And so what if I set you up for a fall? When"s the last time you had this much fun? I saw your face out there-you were having a great time.

GUNN: It"s "cause I thought I was doing good.

GWEN: You were. Just not the kind that involves saving a fairy princess from an evil king.
GUNN: So Lisa doesn"t exist?
GWEN: Yes, she does. And I"ve liberated her from this steel tomb by now if you"d stop yapping for half a sec. It"s a military acronym: Localized Ionic Sensory Activator. L-I-S-A.


GUNN: A weapon? L.I.S.A."s a weapon?
GWEN: Not a weapon. A covert device worn by black ops. Regulates body temp, heartbeat, body chemistry. Morimoto"s company designed it, and I"ve been hired to steal the beta test.


GUNN: God bless America.
GWEN: Actually China, or North Korea. Not really sure. Morimoto"s selling it to the highest bidder.

GUNN: And who are you stealing it for?
GWEN: Look, there are two things that make me a good thief. I steal what I"m paid to steal, and I don"t ask too many questions.

GUNN: Well, good luck with that.
GWEN: Nothing"s changed, you know. Morimoto"s still a bad guy. You"re still a good one.
GUNN: You know, I can"t believe I actually took time out of the apocalypse for this.

GWEN: Even the Pres. takes vacations. Besides, if they need you, they"ll call. Come on. We started this together. Let"s finish it the same way.
GUNN: It"s not the same.
GWEN: You can keep the suit.
ANGEL: You know, this would be a lot easier if you two weren"t hovering.
FRED: No rush.
WESLEY: Take your time.
ANGEL: I think that"s it.
CORDELIA: What"s it?
ANGEL: The passage from Lilah"s Beasty book. The one Angelus destroyed after the big boomy voice threatened to re-ensoul him.

FRED: Angel"s been visualizing the text, trying to recreate it.
ANGEL: Just, you know, a little thing I can do.

CORDELIA: You think there was something in that book that high-and-spitey didn"t want us to know about?
ANGEL: He"s definitely hiding something.
WESLEY: I recognize the text. It"s early Fallorian code system. Let"s see... "The green cart-like vehicle eats..."
"I am not a bucket head."

ANGEL: Damn it!
WESLEY: It"s a tricky language. An inverted serif can alter the meaning of an entire passage.
CORDELIA: What now?
ANGEL: I try again.
GUNN: Crap!
GWEN: Nah, this is the easy one.
We"re outta here. We should split up in case-

GUNN: Oh, no, we"re not doing that again. Either we both make it out, or-

GWEN: Or neither of us do.
ANGEL: Try this one.
WESLEY: Something about strangling poultry.

ANGEL: That"s it. I gotta get out of here.

LORNE: Ah ah ah. Easy does it, compadre. No huffy exits before I spill the joyous news.

ANGEL: About the baby?
CORDELIA: About El Jefe?
LORNE: Uh, no and no. My sources got nothing on mystical birthin" or the big Kahuna. But Wanda-that demon you recommended-what a peach, by the way. Anyway, she sold me this cleansing abracadabra to clear my muddled mind.

FRED: You"re empathic again?
LORNE: Please... you think this Dungeons & Dragons cloak is a fashion statement? I got to do this whole song and dance-

WESLEY: Well, we"re getting nowhere. If you need extra hands...
LORNE: Sorry, I can only take my two. Ritual has to be performed solo. Just me and my shadow, secluded in a dark, dusty nowhere land. Ugh. But the upside is, I should be "all systems go" come sunrise.

CORDELIA: Then you"ll be able to read me?

LORNE: No worries, dumpling. Come morning, I will be a lean, mean, belly-reading machine.
MORIMOTO: Put that on the desk, and step away. Set it down now.
GWEN: No.
MORIMOTO: I don"t think you realize who you"re up against.
GUNN: Just those two girls? I already kicked their ass once. But, when you put it like that, maybe we should.
GWEN: I won"t give it back. I can"t.
GUNN: I can. I"m not dying for this.

GWEN: I"m finishing the job.
GUNN: Gwen, it"s too late. We"re busted.
GWEN: I"m not leaving without it.
MORIMOTO: Then you"re not leaving at all. Finish it.
GUNN: Gwen, give it to him.
GWEN: No, I need it.
MORIMOTO: I said finish it!
GWEN: It"s mine!
GUNN: Liar. You"re not stealing it for someone else. It"s for you. You think it"ll fix you.

LORNE: Oh, fudgicle.
GUNN: Back where he belongs. I got to give you credit-you are stubborn.
GWEN: I know what I want.
GUNN: I get that. At least, I used to. Things aren"t always so clear anymore.

GWEN: You seemed pretty clear tonight.

GUNN: Adrenaline rush-when I was trying to save that girl.
GWEN: I meant when you were saving me.

GUNN: Hey, I"m just the muscle.
GWEN: Don"t knock the muscle, buddy. Makes the girls go all knocky in the knees. But if that"s all you were, we never could"ve gotten into that party tonight.

GUNN: Oh, you would"ve gotten in. Of course, the damage would have been significantly higher.
GWEN: Thanks to your brains-over-brawn approach.
GUNN: Well, not so much brains as too many movies.
GWEN: Man, they have done a number on you. You really believe this "I"m the muscle" crap.
GUNN: This your version of a pep talk?

GWEN: Could be. Need one?
GUNN: Nah.
GWEN: Good. It"s not my area of expertise. So, why do you stay if that"s all they see in you?

GUNN: I"m a fighter. Born and raised. You love being a thief?
GWEN: I"m a freak. Being a thief makes me a part of something-and not a part at the same time. Tonight? Yeah, I kinda loved it.

GUNN: You know, for someone loving life, you seemed awfully willing to die for this.

GWEN: What you saw tonight, that"s as bad as it gets, but even at its best... That thing might let me be-well, not normal-but...hold hands, maybe.
So, yeah, guess I was willing to die, or even- you wouldn"t understand.

GUNN: Sure I do. Brainy, remember? You want to show me how this thing works?
How do you fire it up?
GWEN: It"s not an X-Box. Just put it on. Careful.
GUNN: Ow.
GWEN: Like I said... It"s chilly.
What"s it doing?
GUNN: You ever seen one of those body-snatcher movies?
Feel any different?
GWEN: Yeah. Not so much. Think it worked. It feels good.
GUNN: So...if you couldn"t touch, guess that means you"ve never-
GWEN: Nope. Nope. Anyway, thanks for turning me...off.
GUNN: Anytime. Thank you.
GWEN: For what? The guards? The suit? The almost dying?
GUNN: The most fun I"ve had... since...

GWEN: You know, um...that device, um, it"s a prototype. It might not hold.

GUNN: Well, you"ve already killed me once. If it happens again, you know where my battery is.
CORDELIA: Angel...
LORNE: Has Cordy been a bad, bad girl?

Sign: "Definitely."

The end

 
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