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THE GIRL IN QUESTION

GUNN: We need to act on this now.

ANGEL: Not without a full risk analysis. We don"t want to be rushing into this thing half-cocked.
GUNN: As opposed to the full-cock that"s been working so well for us?

ANGEL: You got something you want to say?

GUNN: Just don"t wanna lose another baby with the bath water... boss.
ANGEL: Fine. We"ll send Spike.
SPIKE: Bugger that. Do it yourself.

GUNN: Spike, this is a delicate matter that needs to be handled with a lot of finesse.
And why the hell are we talkin" to him?

ANGEL: Because he signed on to help.

SPIKE: Not to be some glorified garbage collector.
GUNN: It"s not garbage. It"s a body. And there"s a bloody gang war coming our way if we don"t get it back.
SPIKE: This stiff"s that important?
GUNN: It"s the remains of the Capo di Famiglia of the Goran demon clan.

SPIKE: Never heard of "em.
GUNN: That"s "cause the Capo was human-tolerant. Kept a low profile. More interested in profit than mayhem.

ANGEL: What happened to him?
GUNN: Died on a business trip in Italy. We need to go there, retrieve his body, and return it to his family in the next...
Ooh, 26 hours.
SPIKE: Or what-he gets deader?
GUNN: No. He stays dead. They die, they pupate, they live again, but only if the proper rituals are performed by the immediate family. If the Capo"s body isn"t returned in time, the rituals won"t take. So long, Capo. Hello, power vacuum.


ANGEL: Which the rival clans will try to fill.

GUNN: And they aren"t as tolerant of humans. If we do this, it all stays cool. If not-

ANGEL: We"ll stick with "do."
OK, come on.
SPIKE: Hey, hey.
ANGEL: Pack your bags.
SPIKE: I don"t even speak the language.
ANGEL: We"ll get you a book.
Yeah?
SPIKE: How do you say "wank off" in Italian?

GUNN: Can somebody please just get on a plane?
ANGEL: What?
When?
Yeah. I understand. Thanks.
SPIKE: All right, what is it this time? Uber-vamps? Demon gods? Devil robots?

ANGEL: It"s Buffy.

Opening credits.

ANGEL: I said I"ll take care of it.

GUNN: Take care of what?
SPIKE: Is Buffy all right?
ANGEL: She will be when I get there.

SPIKE: What happened? What happened?!
ANGEL: The Immortal.
GUNN: The who?
SPIKE: The foulest evil hell ever vomited forth.

HARMONY: Worse than you?
ANGEL: He was spotted in Rome near Buffy"s-
GUNN: Wait a minute. Rome. That"s where the Capo died.
SPIKE: Oh, wait a minute. That"s definitely his M.O.
HARMONY: The Capo"s?
ANGEL: The Immortal. He whacks the Capo, lures me to Rome, takes out a slayer and a vampire with a soul.

GUNN: Plus he starts a war when the Capo"s body isn"t returned for resurrection. This guy"s good.
ANGEL: So am I. Harmony, have the jet fueled and ready for takeoff.

SPIKE: You really think we could take him?

ANGEL: Whoa, whoa. What do you mean, "we"?
SPIKE: What? You don"t think I"m gonna let you traipse off to Italy without me, do you?
ANGEL: You don"t speak the language.
SPIKE: I"ll get a book.
ANGEL: Spike, you"re only gonna make things worse.
SPIKE: Look, we get the Capo"s body, we rescue Buffy, we stop The Immortal. It"s that simple. Unless he kills you, which would be sad.

ANGEL: He"s not gonna kill me.
SPIKE: Not if I"m with ya.
ANGEL: Just admit it: You think you"re gonna ride in, save the day, and sweep Buffy off of her-
SPIKE: Like you"re not thinking the same thing.
ANGEL: I"m already seeing somebody.
SPIKE: What, dog girl?
ANGEL: Nina"s a werewolf, and-
SPIKE: Fido know her boyfriend"s flying halfway around the world to visit his ex?

ANGEL: Hey, look, I was gonna call her, and we"re just... hangin" out. She"s not my girlfriend.
SPIKE: This rate, never will be.
ANGEL: Doesn"t concern you, Spike.
SPIKE: I just wanna see you happy.
Well, not too happy, "cause then I"d have to stake ya.
Second thought, have at it.


ANGEL: This isn"t about us.
SPIKE: You and Nina?
ANGEL: Me and you. This is a dangerous mission that"s only gonna get worse if we don"t put aside our differences. Look, we have to work together on this to stop The Immortal and save Buffy.
Oh, and pick up that demon body thingy.
SPIKE: Partners, then?
ANGEL: Just like old times. You want a drink?

SPIKE: God, yes.
ANGEL: Huh. Really can"t get drunk off these things.
SPIKE: Not us, anyway. Vampire constitution. Not always a plus.
How did you know?
ANGEL: Drank a lot of "em, and I still don"t like you.
SPIKE: About Buffy. How did you know she was in trouble?
ANGEL: I got word.
SPIKE: From who?
ANGEL: A source.
SPIKE: You"ve been spying on her?!
ANGEL: I just wanted to make sure she was all right.
SPIKE: Sending your lackeys to do your stalking for you. That is really pathetic.

ANGEL: All right, fine. I"m not proud of it, but it"s... it"s Buffy.
SPIKE: How many you got on her?

ANGEL: Uh, just the one. But he got spotted. Called me from the hospital after he regained consciousness.
SPIKE: You should"ve had more of your people watching her.
ANGEL: Yeah. We"ll be landing soon.
Remember the last time we were in Italy?

SPIKE: Like it was yesterday.
Ciao.
ITALIAN WOMAN: Ciao.
DRUSILLA: Ciao.
ITALIAN WOMAN: Ciao.
SPIKE: Ciao.
ANGEL: Wait a minute. I wasn"t in Italy in the fifties.
SPIKE: Oh, right. Guess you weren"t. Really missed out.

ANGEL: Guess so. Sounds a lot better than when I remember it.
SPIKE: 1894?
ANGEL: The room of pain.
ANGELUS: Oh, William.
WILLIAM: Ow! Bloody hell.
WILLIAM: That right bastard.
ANGELUS: The Immortal thinks he can do this to us?
WILLIAM: He doesn"t know who he"s dealing with.
ANGELUS: Well, he"s about to find out.
WILLIAM: He"s gonna curse the day he ever crossed purpose with Angelus.
ANGELUS: And William the Bloody.
WILLIAM: We"ll see just how immortal he is when we"re done with him.

ANGELUS; We"ll carve him up like a Sunday roast and make him watch as we feast on his steaming flesh.
How you doin"?
WILLIAM: Bugger.
ANGELUS: Your master send you to do his dirty work? Ferry us to hell, then. We"ll save a spot for him-next to the fire, the mangy, dung-lickin"-
Bit over the top there, are ya?

MAN: His benevolence The Immortal wishes to convey his regrets at having detained you, but your recent actions against his concerns merited stiff reprimand.

WILLIAM: His concerns?
ANGELUS: This is our city. We were here first.

MAN: No, actually, he was. 300 years ago. And now he"s back. You will leave this city tonight and never return under a penalty of death so swift that-

ANGELUS: Go ahead. Take your best shot. I"ll snatch your little wee sticks out of the air and spend the next fortnight shoving "em slowly up your arse.

WILLIAM: Can you really do that?
ANGELUS: The arrow thing? I don"t know. Never tried.
Aw! Look what he did to me shirt!

WILLIAM: "His benevolence The Immortal."

ANGELUS: In for a shock, he is. There"s gonna be a reckoning after a good meal and a long rest in the arms of...
Darla!

WILLIAM: What have they done to her?
ILLYRIA: I can no longer hear the song of the green.
LORNE: You think that includes me?
WESLEY: Her powers have been greatly reduced. She still has an unusual level of strength, but is no longer invulnerable or able to alter time.

ILLYRIA: You revel in my defeat.

WESLEY: Is that how you view it-you"ve been defeated?
ILLYRIA: My world gone. My power stripped. How would you define it?
LORNE: Uh, I don"t know, how about... lucky we didn"t kill you when you went nuclear?

ILLYRIA: This fate is worse than death. Condemned to live out existence in a vessel incapable of sustaining my true glory. How am I to function with such limitation?

LORNE: Well, ever tried a Sea Breeze?

ILLYRIA: You attempt amusement at the expense of your better.
WESLEY: Illyria. Perhaps you should return to the lab.
ILLYRIA: I do not bend to your wishes.

WESLEY: I"m not asking you to. Merely suggesting that more tests might lead to knowledge of how to help you function.

ILLYRIA: I go because it suits me.

LORNE: Whew. Ah, so too bad that whirly-jig thing didn"t suck the sass out of her.

WESLEY: She"s overcompensating. Posturing.
LORNE: So she really wasn"t gonna snap my stalk?
WESLEY: Her powers are weakened, but... she"s still unpredictable. Perhaps more so until she learns to adjust.
We have to be careful not to agitate her.

LORNE: Burkles!
ROGER BURKLE: See? I told you they would remember us.
TRISH BURKLE: Guess we do make an impression.
WESLEY: Why are you here?
I mean, what-
ROGER BURKLE: Hawaii.
TRISH BURKLE: Been savin" up for years.
ROGER BURKLE: Thought we"d take a layover and surprise Fred. Uh, know where we can find her?
WESLEY: Step into my office.
ANGEL: Let me handle this.
SPIKE: Bet you"d like to.

ANDREW: Spike! O mio dio!
E come un sogno incantevole.


What are you doing here?
ANGEL: About to ask you the same question, Andrew.
ANDREW: Buffy and Dawn are letting me crash. My casa was incinerated when that thing happened.
SPIKE: What thing?
ANDREW: Cultural misunderstanding.
Let us speak of more pleasant times. Entrate pure.

I part my threshold.
I mean, my apartment. Obviously.
So, um, I had plans later this evening, but I can change them if you guys wanna hang.
Uh, I could show you Rome at night, a city of contrasts. Anywhere you want to go, anything you want to see.


ANGEL & SPIKE: Buffy.
ANDREW: Right, because you two both-
Yeah. She"s not here.
ANGEL: Where"d she go?
ANGEL: To meet The Immortal.
SPIKE: By herself?
ANDREW: I told you I had plans.
ANGEL: When did she leave?
ANDREW: Just missed her.
SPIKE: Then we"re not too late.
ANGEL: Of course, it could be worse.
ANDREW: You"re telling me.
Most nights they never leave the house, just curl up on the couch and snuggle.
ANGEL: There"s snuggling?
ANDREW: For starters.
Wait. Uh, you didn"t know they were...together?
SPIKE: It"s worse.
ANGELUS: Darla. Darla!
Darla! What have they done? My sweet death.
DARLA: Angelus. You"re back.
ANGELUS: I"d claw my way back from the depths of hell to lay by your side.
He"s tasted you.
WILLIAM: Who?
ANGELUS: Who do ya think?
WILLIAM: Well, that cheeky bastard. Had us tossed and then violates your woman.

ANGELUS: Did he hurt ya?
DARLA: Not until I asked him to.
Oh, come on. Have you seen him? With the eyes and the chest and the...
immortality.
WILLIAM: We"re immortal.
DARLA: Not like him. I mean, he"s not some common vampire. He"s-I don"t know what he is. A giant. A titan straddling good and evil, serving no master but his own considerable desires.


ANGELUS: Darla-
DARLA: And spiritual. Did you know he spent 150 years in a Tibetan monastery? Which I guess explains all the desire.

ANGELUS: He"s my arch-nemesis.
DARLA: Darling. It was just fornication.
Really great fornication.

WILLIAM: She"s glowing, mate.
ANGELUS: She isn"t.
DARLA: Little bit.
WILLIAM: Best fit you for a pair of antlers. Been made the right cuckold, you have.

DRUSILLA: Time for another pony ride?

WILLIAM: Son of a bitch!
ANGELUS: The both of ya?
DARLA: He"s insatiable.
WILLIAM: Drusilla, you-you let him touch you?
DRUSILLA: He felt like sunshine.

WILLIAM: Uh, no. No.
ANGELUS: That"s why he had us tossed. So he could violate-
DARLA: He didn"t-
ANGELUS: Violate our women!
WILLIAM: Violate in succession!
DARLA: Concurrently.
ANGELUS: Concurrently?
You never let us do that.
DARLA: Come on, Dru. Let"s have a bath so the boys can weep in private.

DRUSILLA: Will you hold me under the water?

DARLA: If you wish.
ANGELUS: This is a slight that will not go unmet.
WILLIAM: Death"s too quick.
ANGELUS: Not all deaths are quick.
WILLIAM: What do you have in mind?
ANGELUS: I think it"s time The Immortal found out exactly who he"s dealing with. I think it"s time for blood vengeance.

Blood vengeance. I"m sure we"re on the list. Is there anything under blood vengeance?

BOUNCER: No. No blood vengeance. Sorry.

WILLIAM: Maybe it"s under Angelus.
BOUNCER: You"re not on The Immortal"s list.
ANGELUS: Ah, you know what? To hell with the list.
BOUNCER: You"re not in here. You"re not going in there. Piss off!
ANGELUS: He mocks us at every turn.

WILLIAM: Yeah, the man has no sense of indecency. You remember Frankfurt? He hatches the Rathruhn egg personally and just decides to give those nuns safe passage.

ANGELUS: Those were my nuns!
WILLIAM: Yeah. Nuns are your thing. Everybody knows that. They respect it. They respect us.
ANGELUS: We are the reason men fear the night. This isn"t over yet, Immortal! This"ll never be over!
SPIKE: It"s over. Just like that. Not that I thought I had a chance anyway.

ANGEL: At least I have a girlfriend.

SPIKE: Still.
ANGEL: Yeah.
SPIKE: The Immortal?!
ANGEL: I mean, come on!
SPIKE: She"s smarter than that.
ANGEL: She"d never fall for a centuries-old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil.

SPIKE: She"s under some kind of spell.
ANGEL: I was just thinking that.
SPIKE: We"re gonna pick up the Capo"s body...
ANGEL: Find The Immortal, and break his whammy.
DEMON MAID: Grazie, Signor Angelo. We are in your debt for attending to a delicate matter. Grazie, grazie.

ANGEL: Um, this is the, uh, Capo di Famiglia of the Goran demon clan?
DEMON MAID: Si, si. The Capo di Famiglia.
SPIKE: Must"ve been a wee fella.

ANGEL: This is just his head.
DEMON MAID: Si, si. The Capo di Famiglia.

SPIKE: What happened to the rest of him?

DEMON MAID: When a Goran demon becomes heavy with the age, his head-a sag and drop off like a ripe-a fig. Heh.

ANGEL: So his new body just hatches out of it?
DEMON MAID: If the rituals are performed by the family in time. You must-a get the head of the Capo to Los Angeles subito. Eh? Si?


ANGEL: Si. Subito.
Is Buffy home yet?
ANDREW: You guys, it"s only 8:30.

ANGEL: Right.
SPIKE: Yeah.
ANGEL: Do you know where they went?
ROGER BURKLE: Gotta say this is a step up from where you boys used to hang your hat.

TRISH BURKLE: Ooh, a couple of steps.
WESLEY: Yes, we-
ROGER BURKLE: Uh, you know, we didn"t wanna say anything, but we were a little worried about that old hotel.
TRISH BURKLE: Seemed a little run-down.

ROGER BURKLE: But Fred called it home, so we just kept our mouths shut.

TRISH BURKLE: Girl reaches a certain age, she"s earned the right to make her own decisions.
ROGER BURKLE: Which with Fred was around 7, wasn"t it?
WESLEY: Mr. and Mrs. Burkle-
TRISH BURKLE: Please.
ROGER BURKLE: Roger and Trish.
TRISH BURKLE: The way she goes on about y"all, well, it feels like we"re practically family.

ROGER BURKLE: So where is that prodigal daughter-out saving the world with that nice Angel fella?
WESLEY: Roger, Trish. There"s something you need to know. Fred-
FRED: Mom?
ROGER BURKLE: Well! There she is now.
FRED: Dad! Oh, my God. What are y"all doing here?
ROGER BURKLE: Sweetie.
TRISH BURKLE: Sight for sore eyes.
ROGER BURKLE: Oh, you look great!
ANGEL: Dancing. Why"d it have to be dancing?
SPIKE: You speak English, luv?

BARTENDER: Si, si. I love the English.
SPIKE: We"ll get along fine, then.
ANGEL: We"re looking for a girl. American. Blond hair. Blue eyes.
BARTENDER: Many blond American coeducationals. Spring break? The girls, they go wild.

ANGEL: No, no. We-we"re looking for a friend of ours.
SPIKE: She"s in trouble. This ponce called The Immortal is-
BARTENDER: Ah, si. Si. The Immortal"s new ragazza. They come, while ago.
There.
Your friend maybe go a little wild, too, si?

SPIKE: Right. Hold down the fort. I"ll be right back.
ANGEL: Huh? Oh, yeah, here it comes. The part where you run off alone and play the big hero so Buffy"ll take you back. Well, newsflash, blondie bear: Never gonna happen.


SPIKE: Look! I know I don"t have a shot with her, all right? Probably never did, but I still care about her, and I"m not gonna let her end up with a jerk like The Immortal. Or you.


ANGEL: Hey, ours is a forever love.
SPIKE: I had a relationship with her, too.

ANGEL: OK, sleeping together is not a relationship.
SPIKE: It is if you do it enough times.

ANGEL: Spike.
SPIKE: What?
ANGEL: The head.
SPIKE: I thought you had it.
Hey! Where you think you"re going with our head, Jeeves?
VOICE FROM BEHIND: Anywhere he wants.
ANGEL: Don"t suppose we can talk about this over a nice amaretto?

What the hell are you doing?
SPIKE: I was confused, ya git! It"s very loud in here.
ANGEL: Where"d the little guy go?
SPIKE: Where"d he go?
ANGEL: Hey!
That"s our car. He"s got our car.
SPIKE: Hop on, little mama.
ANGEL: I"m not ridin" on the back.
SPIKE: He"s getting away.
ANGEL: Faster! Come on, punch it!
SPIKE: Stop holding on so tight.

ANGEL: Shortcut. Turn right.
SPIKE: Let go of me.
ANGEL: Turn left, turn left. We"ll cut him off.

SPIKE: All right, already!
Son of a-
ANGEL: God! Geez! God!
One job, you know. Hang onto the head. That"s it.
SPIKE: You were right there, too.
ANGEL: I wasn"t in charge of the head.
SPIKE: Well, it"s gone now, isn"t it? You gonna stand here in the strada yelling at me all night?

ANGEL: Did you just say strada?
SPIKE: It means street.
ANGEL: Yeah. I know what it means.
SPIKE: Look. We only have 12 hours to get that head back before Los Angeles becomes a demon war zone. Should we argue some more, or should we get on with it?

ANGEL: Ah, all right. You know, you"re right. No more screwing around. We find that guy, we get the head back, and then we get the hell outta here. That"s it.

Have you seen the blond girl?
SPIKE: Buffy. Her name is Buffy.
ANGEL: She was just dancing with The Immortal.
SPIKE: Are they still here? Did they leave?
BARTENDER: Relax-a, relax. It"s OK.

SPIKE: They"re still here?
BARTENDER: No, no. They"re gone. But you must relax. I pour you some wine.

ANGEL: Oh, he"s got her, Spike. He"s got Buffy. Why is this always happening to us?

SPIKE: It"s him. The Immortal. This is what he does. Every time he shows up, I either lose my girl, get beaten by an angry mob, or get thrown in prison for tax evasion. Long story.


ANGEL: Well, you know what? It"s different now. We"re different.
SPIKE: Hey, damn right we are. We"re not gonna be his Shemps anymore.

ANGEL: No way, man. I mean, we"re just out of our element.
SPIKE: If this was L.A., We"d have him hog-tied by now.
ANGEL: If we had our resources, if we had our team, if we had our helicopters or-he"d be in a world of-

SPIKE: Hang on. Doesn"t Wolfram & Hart have an office here in Rome?
ANGEL: Huh.
WOMAN: Ciao! Benvenuti! Welcome! Ah, Spike. You are the very meaning of handsome. You take my breath away. Ah, I have no breath. Ha ha ha!
And you, what an honor. The great Angelus.
ANGEL: Actually, it"s just Angel.
WOMAN: Ah, yes, of course. The gypsies, they gave you your soul. The gypsies are filthy people!
And we shall speak of them no more. I am Ilona Costa Bianchi. I"m the CEO of the Roman offices of Wolfram e Hart. And please, we are at your disposal.
Whatever it is that you want, we give to you. If you want the world, we give you the world. We give you 2 worlds, in fact, because this is our way.

ANGEL: OK.
SPIKE: Good. Yeah.
WOMAN / ILONA: Now, let"s go in my office, and we talk like adults, eh? Come.
Pietro.
PIETRO: Si, signora.
ILONA: Vai un cеrcare un caffe e dolce qual checosa di mangiare.


PIETRO: Per chino, signora. Andiamo. Subito.






SPIKE: She seems nice.
ROGER BURKLE: I gotta tell ya. Everyone is so dang friendly. I can"t get over it.
FRED: Well, they kinda have to be, daddy. I"m their boss. If they"re mean to you, I"ll just fire "em.

TRISH BURKLE: Have we not seen each other since I ran over that bug demon with the bus? How is that even possible?

WESLEY: Things have been a bit hectic these last couple...years.
TRISH BURKLE: Well, I want to hear absolutely everything, but most importantly, have you got a young lady in your life?
FRED: Mom!
TRISH BURKLE: What? I was just asking. Well, can I help it if there"s a perfect gentleman hiding in plain sight of my single daughter?


FRED: Dad, make her stop.

ROGER BURKLE: Knock it off, big mouth.
TRISH BURKLE: He keeps talking to me like that, I"m gonna keep you for myself.

ROGER BURKLE: Uh, is this whole laboratory yours, honey?
FRED: Well, technically, it"s the company"s, but... yeah. I"m in charge of it. Wanna see my office?

ROGER BURKLE: That"s it up there?
Come on, baby.
TRISH BURKLE: Well!
WESLEY: What the hell are you doing?
FRED: Visiting with my folks.
WESLEY: Illyria-
ILLYRIA as FRED: Your grief hangs off of you like rotted flesh. I couldn"t tolerate it from them as well. I thought this would be more convenient.
WESLEY: How"s it possible?
ILLYRIA as FRED: It"s a simple modulation of my form. I appear as I choose.
Do you wish me to stop?

TRISH BURKLE: Sweetie, you have got to do a better job decorating. This office is as bare as a bone. Is everything OK?
WESLEY: Everything"s fine.
ILLYRIA as FRED: Оbsessively.
ILONA: Please, make yourselves as though you were at home. Your problems, they are no more. You have no more problems.
What are your problems?
ANGEL: Our friend, she"s under some sort of spell...
SPIKE: Cast by the vilest wretch this side of Mount Everest. Which... I"m told he has climbed... several times.

ANGEL: Look, he goes by the name of The Immortal.
ILONA: Ah, The Immortal. Ah. Then your friend is lucky. Ha ha. I have had dealings with The Immortal many times, and I must say that the outcome is always... most satisfactory.

SPIKE: He"s got her trapped.
ANGEL: It"s a love spell, all right? And we...

ILONA: It"s doubtful. The Immortal doesn"t use spells. He considers them dirty. Dirty tricks for dirty people. Like gypsies.
We will speak of them no more.

SPIKE: Well, he"s done something magic to her.
ANGEL: We need to do some research. Look, don"t you guys have, like, an Italian Wesley here?
ILONA: Yes. Yes, we have, but he"s taking a nap. And I do not need him to tell me what is already widely known, that The Immortal does not use magic.

SPIKE: Then it must be somethin" else.

ANGEL: Look, we need to know everything there is to know about him. We need-
ILONA: To keep your head. Ha ha! Yes. We know all about your mission to retrieve the Capo di Famiglia.
And I have to say, right now it seems a bit more important than trying to pry your friend off of The Immortal. Your head is in great danger.
We have already received a ransom note. It was addressed to you via our offices.
I took the liberty of sneaking a peek.
We must hurry because the drop is about to take place in less than one hour.

ANGEL: All right. We"re gonna need a chase helicopter, assault team...

SPIKE: And guns. Lots and lots of guns.
ILONA: No, no, no, no! No, no.
The two of you are so precious. But no! This is a civilized country. We do these things all the time. Somebody gets kidnapped, somebody pays the money. Everybody goes home happy. Grazie. Prego. Kiss-kiss. We already have the money ready to go.
Eh. Huh?

ANGEL: All right. Fine. Whatever. We"ll do it your way.
SPIKE: Who"s making the drop?
ANGEL: I helped save the world, you know.
SPIKE: Like I haven"t.
ANGEL: Yeah, but I"ve done it a lot more.
SPIKE: Oh, please.
ANGEL: I closed the hellmouth.
SPIKE: I"ve done that.
ANGEL: Yeah, you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the mayor and, uh, and Jasmine and-
SPIKE: Do those really count as savin" the world?
ANGEL: I stopped Acathla. That saved the world.
SPIKE: Buffy ran you through with a sword.
ANGEL: Yeah, but I made her do it. I signaled her with my eyes.
SPIKE: She killed you. I helped her!
That one counts as mine.
ANGEL: My point is I"m better than this. OK? We"re better than this. What the hell could Buffy see in him?
DEMON BUTLER: Perhaps she likes the cut of his trousers.
TRISH BURKLE: Sorry to just drop in on you like this unannounced.
ILLYRIA as FRED: Are you kidding me? I"m just sad y"all can"t stay longer.
ROGER BURKLE: Well, the beach is callin".
TRISH BURKLE: Wesley. You take care of our little Fred for us. OK?
WESLEY: Of course.
TRISH BURKLE: Ohhh. I miss you already, and we haven"t even gone yet.
You sure you"re OK? You seem different somehow.
ROGER BURKLE: Oh, she"s just growin" up, mother. Let her go. You"re gonna embarrass her in front of her employees.
ILLYRIA as FRED: Stop it, daddy, and come here. Give me a hug. I love you guys so much.
TRISH BURKLE: Oh, we love you, too.
ROGER BURKLE: We"ll talk soon. OK?
ILLYRIA as FRED: Countin" on it.
WESLEY: Did you get what you needed from that experience?
ILLYRIA as FRED: Yes. It was most informative.
WESLEY: Good. Don"t ever do it again.

DEMON BUTLER: You must be so lonely. Your girlfriend has become lovers with The Immortal. How unfortunate for you. And how fortunate for her.
ANGEL: You know The Immortal?
DEMON BUTLER: But of course.
ANGEL: Ha! I knew it. None of this is a coincidence.
SPIKE: Been his plan all along. Steal our head, keep us busy, and traipse off with my girl.
Our girl.
ANGEL: It"s a setup. You"re just his lackey.

DEMON BUTLER: I should be so lucky. The Immortal does not need men like me to do his business. He is a wild card, a wolf removed from the pack, a stallion without, uh, the bridle.

SPIKE: What, are you in love with him?
DEMON BUTLER: No, no, no, no. Well, OK, yes. But if anything, he"s more of a, uh, inspiration, a spiritual guide. Have you read his book? It"s a life changer.

ANGEL: I"m gettin" a little tired of Italy.

SPIKE: Know what you mean.
DEMON BUTLER: Oh, look. The Americans are relying on violence to solve their problems. What a surprise.
OK. No more games!
One more step, and the head gets it, hey? We are not animals. We are italiano. You give us the money, we give you the head.
You give us the money, we give you the head.
The money, the head. The money-
ANGEL: Yeah. We get it. Money.
SPIKE: Hey.
DEMON BUTLER: Arrivederci, americanos. It was a pleasure to do the business with you.
SPIKE: Don"t believe him for a second. The Immortal"s neck-deep in all of this.
ANGEL: "Course he is. He"s screwin" us. He"s screwed us before, and he"s screwin" us now.

SPIKE: Yeah. Every time we hear his bleeding name, we end up standin" in the strada holdin" the bag.
Civilized country? Look what that squeaker did to my jacket.
ANGEL: After everything we"ve been through, you"re pissed about a jacket.
SPIKE: No, not a jacket. My jacket. You have no idea what I went through to get this.

ANGEL: You stripped it off a body of a dead slayer.
SPIKE: Well, which gives it great sentimental value. Besides, I"ve been wearin" it for over 30 years. It"s like a part of me.

ANGEL: Get over it. Buy a new one.

SPIKE: It"s my second skin. It"s who I am. It"s just one more thing he"s taken away that I"ll never get back.
Yeah! This is good.
ILONA: I"m glad you like, because I sent another 10 of them to Los Angeles for you along with a fine assortment of shoes.

You! Guarda! Come sei bello! Sei bellissimo!
Bellissimo!


You look gorgeous! Oh!
ANGEL: You know, I"m not sure this is me.
ILONA: No, no, no, no, no. This is the latest style. You will define handsome for years to come. Ha ha ha! Now, what happened to the drop? No grazie, prego, kiss-kiss?



ANGEL: Grazie, prego, ka-boom.
ILONA: Ohh! Oh, they always do this to first-timers in this country. Did I not mention that?

ANGEL: You know what? That"s it. Call up the helicopters.
SPIKE: And the assault team.
ANGEL: We"re gettin" our head back.
ILONA: No, no, no. I love the two of you so much, but brute force will only get your precious head smooshed. You have done such fine quality work.
Now, please, relax.
Let us handle it from here.
Sometimes you have to put your fate in a higher power.
ANGEL: We"re heroes. We don"t need any higher power.
ILONA: I"ll be in touch.
ANGEL: We make our own fate.
We don"t need anybody cleaning up our mess. You know, we"re champions!
Got this under control.
You know, we"re just gonna- We"re-
Should we just go home?
SPIKE: Oh, God, yes.
Couldn"t get me out of this rat hole of a country fast enough.
ANGEL: Is Buffy back yet?
ANDREW: Sorry. Not yet. You guys can hang if you want. I"m just heading out.
Oh. Hey. Nice jacket.

ANGEL: It"s the latest style.
SPIKE: Andrew. Has Buffy been acting off? Like The Immortal"s got her under a spell of sorts?
ANDREW: Excellent question. No.
ANGEL: Could it be mind control?
SPIKE: Or a love potion? Did she drink a love potion?
ANDREW: Dude, seriously, I thought of all those things, but turns out Buffy fell for The Immortal on her own, and-and now she"s happy. That"s it.
ANGEL: But she"s not finished baking yet.
I gotta wait till she"s done baking, you know, till she finds herself, "cause that"s the drill.

Fine. I"m waitin" patiently, and meanwhile, The Immortal"s eatin" cookie dough!

ANDREW: Uh, Spike, is Angel crying?
SPIKE: No!
Not yet.
ANDREW: May want to hold the waterworks, big guy. The Immortal"s cool and all, but he ain"t all that. He"s got his flaws.

ANGEL: Really?
SPIKE: Wh-what are they?
ANDREW: Ohhh. The point is she"s moving on. You guys do the same, and you might catch her one day. One of you, anyway.

But you keep running in place, you"re gonna find she"s long gone.

SPIKE: It is a bit silly. Us... chasin" around like a couple of henpecked teenagers.

ANDREW: Buffy loves both of you, but she"s gotta live her life. People change.
You guys should try it sometime.

Ah, Caprice, se bella come la notte.
E tu, Isabella...
superi perfino le stelle.

Ciao.
SPIKE: Well... maybe it"s time we-
ANGEL: Yeah.
ILLYRIA as FRED: Wes? Are you, like... mad at me or something?
WESLEY: Stop it.
ILLYRIA as FRED: Isn"t it what you desire?
I mean... you love me, I love you. What"s the big deal?
WESLEY: I loved her.
ILLYRIA as FRED: You loved this. And part of you still does. I can feel it in you.
I... wish to explore it further.
WESLEY: Never. You... like this. It sickens me.
ILLYRIA as FRED: Oh, lord. We both know that ain"t true.
WESLEY: Stop it! Change back. Be blue. Be anything. Don"t be her.
Don"t ever be her.
ILLYRIA: As you wish.
GUNN: Thanks.
ANGEL: Gunn. We lost the head. Start preparing the troops for war.
GUNN: Head"s in your office.
ANGEL: What?
GUNN: It"s on your desk.
ANGEL: "With regards, The Immortal."

You know, I really hate that guy!

SPIKE: What"s Buffy thinking? H-honestly?

ANGEL: She doesn"t exactly have the best taste in men. Case in point.

SPIKE: H-hey! I think I turned out all right.

ANGEL: Yeah. Once she got through with you.

SPIKE: I wasn"t the one livin" in alleys, rubbin" rat filth all over my face.
If we"re talkin" projects, you"re the Sistine Chapel.

ANGEL: I wasn"t a project.
SPIKE: Well, neither was I.
Can"t we just... lock her away in a box where no one can ever touch her? You know? Like we did with Pavayne?

ANGEL: I don"t think she"d let us. Uh, I mean, she"s pretty strong.
SPIKE: We could do a spell. Some sort of mind control.
ANGEL: Oh, she"d figure it out. You know, she"s pretty smart.
SPIKE: Yeah.
So, what? We just have to live with it? Get on with our lives?

ANGEL: "Fraid so.
SPIKE: Fine. No problem. I was plannin" on doin" that anyway.
ANGEL: Yeah, me, too.
SPIKE: Actually, I"m doin" it right now. As we speak, I"m movin" on.
ANGEL: Movin" on.
SPIKE: Oh, yeah.
ANGEL: Right now.
SPIKE: Movin".

The end

 
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