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HARM'S WAY

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the Los Angeles branch of Wolfram & Hart.
We"re the oldest and most powerful law firm in the city.
Founded in 1791 on ground deconsecrated by the blood of mass murderer Mathias Pavayne,
Wolfram & Hart has put roots down in this glamorous city that grow deep,
and branches that reach right into the heart of every major corporation,
including Yoyodyne,
Weyland Yutani,
and Newscorp.
That captain of industry? We own his soul.
That fabulous movie queen? She owes us her first born.
But times change, and Wolfram & Hart is changing right along with them.
Under our new C.E.O.,
Angel, we"re focusing less on power
and more on using that power for good.
We have a zero tolerance policy for killing, and that includes you, vampires.
That better be pig"s blood, mister.
Yes, our esteemed president has made it clear that this is a new company for the new millennium, and he wants to work with you.

ANGEL : If you don"t kill, we won"t kill you.

ANNOUNCER: That"s right, no more employee sacrifices. At Wolfram & Hart, you"re part of a family now. You can work your way up the ladder, and there will always be a hand to help you up it. Every life and unlife
is as important to our new management as their own. So go ahead, relax, and enjoy
your new Wolfram & Hart family.
Because at our firm, everyone matters.
You matter. Buddy, you"re going places.



HARMONY: Morning, Mrs. Jacobi.
TAMIKA: I should go.
Oh! Hey!
HARMONY: Sorry.
OFFICE GIRL #1: So then, 2 A.M., my boss calls me, wants me to search her car for-get this-a stray Vicodin.

OFFICE GIRL #2: Shut up.
HARMONY: Hello, fellow grunts.
OFFICE GIRL #1: Hey.
I mean, making me drop off her stool sample was one thing, but this? I"m so asking for a raise.
HARMONY: Yeah! You know, I was thinking I"ve been due for a raise, too, "cause...
OFFICE GIRL #2: Oh, did I tell you? That cute new shaman"s in my department now.

OFFICE GIRL #1: Mm. He was in my training class.
HARMONY: Right.
Nice chatting with you too. Bye-bye.
OFFICE GIRL #2: Which actually makes him sexier.

steel thermos labeled "ANGEL"S. Do Not Touch."
the white mug that reads "#1 BOSS."

DAN: Hey!
HARMONY: Morning.
DAN: You just can"t...
There are rules.
HARMONY: Oh, I know. It"s so unfair. Just because my boss is your boss"s boss, his needs coming first and all.
See ya.
So, you"ve got the department heads at 11:00, your 1:00 with Mistress Shriva from human-I"m sorry-non-human resources got moved to 2:00. Swung by the cleaners. Zippo luck getting out the Frophla slime. Oh, and I took care of the catering for the big feuding demon clan confab, unless you have any requests.



ANGEL: Achite vong mochzinite.
HARMONY: Y"OK. Could you spell that?

LANGUAGE INSTRUCTOR"S VOICE: Greetings, your eminence. Let me take your staff.
Lopenghote vong.
ANGEL: My clicks are all wrong. You figure out the catering for tomorrow?
HARMONY: Helloo! I just-
GUNN: Morning. Ready to do this thing?
HARMONY: So, about the, uh, catering? I really went above and beyond, "cause I know this was very-
You"re welcome.
RUDY: You"re up today.
HARMONY: Oh, come on, Rudy. You know I"ve been off the human blood for months.

RUDY: Company policy. Give me the finger.
HARMONY: Good morning. Wolfram &-
Ow!
I"m sorry. Wrong extension. You need 529 for curses. Foiled again, huh?
Hello?
RUDY: You"re clean. Have a good one.

display: "NEGATIVE"

HARMONY: Eli, hi.
ELI: Hey... you! I just got called up for a meeting with your boss man.
HARMONY: Really? I didn"t see any-

ELI: Don"t want to count my hatchlings, but I think the honchos are finally starting to recognize my work in accounting.

HARMONY: Hey, good for you.
GUNN: Eli, come on in.
ELI: Wish me luck, kiddo.
HARMONY: Angel, you forgot your-
ANGEL: Get that cleaned up, would you?

Opening credits.

HARMONY: I just-I don"t get it. Why"d you kill Eli?
ANGEL: Didn"t much like what he was doing in his off hours.
HARMONY: Well, that"s not right. What Eli did on his own time-
GUNN: Is dismember virgins.
HARMONY: Oh. Well, a person"s religious beliefs is no cause for-
GUNN: He did it for his own amusement.

HARMONY: Oh. Well... OK. Still, couldn"t you have given him a stern warning or something first?
ANGEL: Called a zero tolerance policy, not a "maybe this once" policy. Nobody in this office gets away with murder, not anymore.

LORNE: Mmm... let me guess. Position just opened up in accounting?
GUNN: Hardest part of the job, terminating an employee.
SPIKE: Once again, keeping corporate America safe from evil.
FRED: Spike.
GUNN: I was wondering when you"d turn up.

FRED: Where have you been? It"s been days.
SPIKE: Out enjoying freedom from my ghostly confines, luv.
FRED: There haven"t been any side effects since you recorporealized, have there?

SPIKE: Bit of a hang over, but that"s to be expected after all the drinking.
Just thought I"d swing by and say my final farewells.
WESLEY: You"re leaving?
SPIKE: You catch on quick, don"t you? Yeah, I thought I"d push off, seeing as how I got somebody waiting for me.
WESLEY: Angel, I"m not sure that"s wise, given the Shanshu prophecy is still unresolved-
SPIKE: That"s your problem, mate.
You"re welcome to that heroic destiny, whether you deserve it or not. Me, I got better things to do than wait around for the 4 bloody horsemen.

WESLEY: Spike...
ANGEL: Let him go.
SPIKE: Yeah. Here"s the thing. Could use a little walkin"-around money. How "bout a few hundred?
ANGEL: How "bout no?
SPIKE: Typical, you cheap sod. Right, then. Settle for some wheels.

ANGEL: If it"s gonna get you out of here faster, fine. Just not the Viper.

SPIKE: Viper it is, then.
Any message for Buffy?
ANGEL: Tell her you"re a moron.
LORNE: Well, bon voyage, Spikester. Don"t be a stranger.
SPIKE: Fred... I want you to know... uh, I mean, all that work you put in trying to, you know, cure me of the ghosties...

FRED: I didn"t do anything.
SPIKE: Oh, you did. You-you believed in m... I mean, you tried. I won"t forget that.

FRED: You"re welcome.
HARMONY: What?
I don"t get a good-bye just because I went crazy and tried to rip your throat out while we were having sex?

SPIKE: Keep it simple, Harm. It suits you.
ANGEL: This is war. 2 demon clans, the Vinjis and the Sahrvin. They"ve been battling it out for 5 generations.
GUNN: Way back when, clans got along OK. Shared a few hundred miles of desert, traded livestock, and even partied together once in a while. Then a Vinji used the wrong fork at a Sahrvin bonding ceremony. Sahrvins took offense, and they"ve been slaughtering each other ever since.

FRED: You"re saying this whole thing started over a fork faux pas?
GUNN: They"re pretty finicky about manners.
ANGEL: But the clans have agreed to negotiate a truce, here, tomorrow.
FRED: Why now?
GUNN: Demon rights activist by the name of Tobias Dupree got involved. He"s liaison to both clans. Only guy in the world they all trust, and he called us for help.

WESLEY: Etiquette aside, the Vinji and the Sahrvin are notoriously vicious. Why not let them wipe each other out?

GUNN: Hey, I got no love for these guys, but we manage to push through a peace plan and the whole demon world"s gonna know we got game.
FRED: That makes sense, in a kind of gray, Machiavellian kind of way.
ANGEL: Obviously both clans are sensitive to the smallest slight. We don"t dot an "i" or cross a "t," this whole thing could explode in our faces.

WESLEY: This is a complete list of manners and customs. We should probably all memorize this. Apparently, gazing at a Vinji"s ankles can lead to eye gouging.
LORNE: Come on. Dandito, come on. He gets a wee shy around the big boss. All the way in, yeah.
DAN: I, uh, finished the seating chart.

LORNE: All right. This kid was up all night jigsawing who"s going where tomorrow. He"s a real up-and-comer, this one.

FRED: My lab managed that upgrade to the weapons scanner, like you requested.

ANGEL: Foolproof?
FRED: I"d say yes, but then some fool would just come along and sneak something past us, but it"s still state of the art.
GUNN: And since none of the clan representatives speak English, I"ll be doing most of the talking.
WESLEY: You?
GUNN: Yeah. Along with the law-and the Gilbert and Sullivan-also got me a few demon languages in the brain upload.
FRED: So, aside from forks, ankles, and us not knowing what they"re saying, any other potential minefields?
ANGEL: All their etiquette issues go along with a healthy dose of superstition.
HARMONY: You don"t know the half of it. I"ve been doing a whole bunch of research on these guys, their customs and stuff? Did you know that they think poodles are wicked bad luck?
WESLEY: Harmony, I"m glad you"re here.
We"ll be needing lunch.
GUNN: Good idea. We should order before the crush.
FRED: Not Thai again. Something lighter.

OFFICE GIRL #1: Burkle"s always giving Mr. Gunn the eye. Heard they used to be a thing.
OFFICE GIRL #2: I don"t know. Alice said she and that Knox guy are pretty friendly.
OFFICE GIRL #1: Maybe she"s sleeping with both of "em!
OFFICE GIRL #2: That"s what I"d do.
HARMONY: Don"t forget about Wesley. I get the vibe that he"s, like, totally crushing over Fred.
OFFICE GIRL #1: Mr. Wyndam-Pryce? Everyone knows he"s-
Muffins!
DAN: They"re from Lorne. Actually from Shaq, but Lorne"s declared his office a carb-free zone.
OFFICE GIRL #2: He"s totally grooming you.
DAN: You think? He does call me "Dan the man."
HARMONY: Angel grooms me, too.
OFFICE GIRL #2: Explains the haircut.

HARMONY: I"m his right arm. He"s taking me places.
We"re so connected.
Yeah, boss.
ANGEL: Harmony, get the hell down here. Now! Why can"t you do anything right-

HARMONY: Uh, sure. No, no trouble at all. That"s what I"m here for. Bye.

ANGEL: Harmony! Do you wanna explain this?
HARMONY: OK, this is totally my fault. I specifically told the caterers the delivery was for tomorrow, but I should"ve called to confirm. You know caterers-not the best listeners.


FRED: Ohh!
ANGEL: Harmony, uh, got us a camel.
HARMONY: Like I said, I did a lot of research. Camel meat"s a delicacy, so I thought it would be a great way to kick off the summit, "cause of the clans being so uptight? Like... comfort food.

ANGEL: Comfort food.
HARMONY: Uh-huh! And as host, you get the honor of slicing off its hump and sticking a hot poker through its heart. And then the demon leaders rip apart its carcass with their bare hands.
ANGEL: Are you- I don"t even know h-how...
FRED: Maybe the camel was the wrong way to go.
ANGEL: Harmony, you are supposed to answer the phones, make appointments, and anticipate my needs, which does not include a petting zoo in my lobby.

HARMONY: OK, but... caterer said no returns.

ANGEL: Get it out of here!
FRED: Maybe you could go with a nice cheese platter?
Or chips and dip. Chips and dip would be fine.

HARMONY: I did everything right! This is what they eat!
FRED: Angel"s just feeling a little off, and he-he"s not in the mood to, you know, butcher a camel.
HARMONY: No! He hates me!
FRED: No! He"ll get over it.
HARMONY: Everybody hates me.
FRED: I don"t hate you. I-I mean, it"s just I-I don"t know you that well and-

HARMONY: What are you doing after work?
...and the worst part is, I can"t even quit, "cause I don"t have anywhere else to go.

FRED: I"m sure that"s not... Really?

HARMONY: I tried being out on my own, all independent and evil. I"m just no good at it.


FRED: But, I mean, isn"t that a good thing?

HARMONY: Not like everything"s so great now. You heard Angel. I"m useless.

FRED: Harmony, it was one mistake. And you can"t take everything Angel says so personally. He-he has a lot on his mind.

HARMONY: I just wish I were more like you. You know, except for the part about being all into science... and not having a lot up front. I mean, you have 2 hot guys after you.


FRED: I do?
HARMONY: All the girls, they think it"s Knox and Gunn. Course, I know it"s Knox and Wesley, not that they listen. It is Knox and Wes, right?
FRED: Yeah-I mean, no.
I-I don"t know. I-we all work together, and there"s a lot of baggage, and... Why am I telling you this?
HARMONY: Because we"re totally bonding! We"re like gal pals! This is awesome! You can teach me about life, and I can teach you how to dress better.

FRED: Um... They are both kind of hot, aren"t they? Knox and Wes? I... Wait, why is everyone at the office so interested in who I might be dating?
HARMONY: Because you"re at the top. People wanna know what"s happening with the big wigs. You"d think they"d ask me, but...

FRED: Why don"t they? Harmony, do you- Do you not have many friends at work?

HARMONY: I just-I don"t get it. I used to be way popular in high school.
Just since I got vamped at my graduation, I"ve had trouble connecting with people.

FRED: Well, maybe you should... you know, put yourself out there more. I mean, lots of Wolfram & Hart people hang out right here. You should mingle.

HARMONY: They"re all straight. Non-vamps. I gravitate more towards the undead variety.

FRED: Well, there"s your problem. The undead, they"re not exactly givers. I"m sure there are tons of straight guys who would love to get to know you.

HARMONY: Well... there is one at the bar.
Don"t! I think he"s checking me out.
FRED: You should go talk to him.
HARMONY: Oh, no, I couldn"t. I"m hanging with my gal pal. I would never do that to you.

FRED: Oh, don"t be silly. I"d be fine if-

HARMONY: OK, bye!
Ooh, what do I say?
FRED: Oh, um, just say hi and introduce yourself. I bet he takes it from there.

HARMONY: Right. But what if he doesn"t... take it?
FRED: Well, questions are always good. Ask him where he"s from and what he does for a living-
HARMONY: Cover the boring stuff.
FRED: Only... maybe act like it"s not. Boring.

HARMONY: I can do that.
Well, don"t watch me!
FRED: I"ll just, um- I"ll just...go.
HARMONY: Hi. I"m Harmony.
MAN AT BAR: Well, hi, Harmony. It"s nice to meet-
HARMONY: Where are you from?
MAN AT BAR: U-uh, the bay area, originall-
HARMONY: Uh-huh. Interesting. What do you do for a living?
MAN AT BAR: Why don"t I get you a drink? You look thirsty.
HARMONY: Uh... Tim? Trevor? George? Apparently you and I... you know, and I"m sure I rocked your world and all, but... I gotta go to work, so... Hello?
Oops.
Hi, Mrs. Jacobi.
Oh, crapola!
Have a nice day, Mrs. Jacobi.
OK... just act normal.
Hi! How"s it hangin"? Love the pocket square.

ANGEL: Blood?
HARMONY: Where?!
ANGEL: That"s what I"d like to know. Where"s my blood? Harmony, I got the demon summit today, and you"re late, and-
What are you doing?
HARMONY: Desk crunches. "Get fit while you sit." You should see my abs. You wanna? Mug o" blood, coming right up, boss.

ANGEL: Harmony...
HARMONY: Huh?
ANGEL: I can"t afford to have anything go wrong today.
HARMONY: What could go wrong?
OK... I remember the talking. "Hi, I"m Harmony." "You look thirsty." "Well, why don"t I drink a couple quarts of your blood, then, Tom...Terry..." Uhh!
Drinking. That"s my problem. Too much drinking. I don"t even remember taking him home. Damn lemon drops. I never should have- Fred! She made me talk to him! She"s responsible for-

DAN: You did it again!
HARMONY: It"s not my fault!
DAN: What?
HARMONY: Uh... You can"t blame me because Angel gets grumpy when he"s hungry.
Oh...
Stress eating. Angel"s all... about the summit, and, you know, I"m his right arm, so, the stress, and... the...
Hi, boss. Uh, there was a line at the microwave? I"m coming!

The list: To Do:
Big Demon Summit:
__Remind Security of Summit
x Arrange Transportation
x Return Camel
x Confirm Catering

HARMONY: That"s right. Chips and dip. I know. I told him. He just- wildebeest. Really?
No, we better just stick with the chip-dip thing. Thanks.
OK. It"s all peachy. Just get through the day and I"m home...
Angel"s office. One moment, please.
ANGEL: Yeah?
HARMONY: There"s a Detective Griffin for you.
ANGEL: Put him through.
This is Angel.
MAN: Yeah, this is Dave Griffin, L.A.P.D. Thought you"d wanna know, we found a body this morning. Vampire attack. Looks like he was-
ANGEL: Hold on.
Harmony? I got it!
HARMONY: Oh.
Right. Sorry.
Oh, God.
Oh, God!
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
GUNN: Do you know what this is about?
WESLEY: Perhaps one of the Vinjis set down a teacup improperly.
ANGEL: Worse. Just got off the phone with the L.A.P.D. They found a body.
HARMONY: Where? Did he say where?
ANGEL: City dump, wrapped in a laundry bag.

WESLEY: And the police called you because...
ANGEL: Apparently, we own them.

GUNN: Right. Makes sense.
WESLEY: Of course.
ANGEL: Well, that, and they found my card on the victim. It was the liaison between the feuding clans.
GUNN: Toby Dupree?
HARMONY: Toby! That was his...
...name. Really? Huh. You don"t hear unusual names like that anymore.
ANGEL: We"re gonna have to do some serious damage control.
GUNN: You think? Demon rights activist gets munched by a vamp on our watch?

HARMONY: He told me he was an astronaut.
WESLEY: No telling how the clans are gonna take this. Superstitious as they are, they may see it as an omen or-
HARMONY: So, this cop? He doesn"t have any actual real info, right?

WESLEY: It is possible that someone"s trying to send a message, derail the summit.
HARMONY: Ooh! Yeah! That must be it! The derailing thing. That-that makes sense. Right?
GUNN: The Vinji clan is deeply concerned about this turn of events.
WESLEY: Perhaps if you say something.

ANGEL: Oh, no. I"m not ready. Look, just tell them that the summit can proceed as planned, and they shouldn"t, you know, start skinning each other.
GUNN: Shta mahkleo. Nohn padmag, vitqui. SUBTITLE: All is well, oh, powerful one. The summit can proceed.
VINJI LEADER: SUBTITLE: Killer must be found! Killer must be punished!
GUNN: They"re lookin" for vengeance.
ANGEL: Tell "em we"re on it.

GUNN: Veel wsh kpwnk.
SUBTITLE: You have our oath.
ANGEL: Veel mahnkshay.
SUBTITLE: Be disemboweled.
VINJI LEADER: SUBTITLE: Filthy man whore! How dare you! You-
GUNN: Uh, uh, han tafka mahnkchne. Baybay porro akei nah paprikay. Komgrat?
SUBTITLE: He meant, be patient! The whore man is a novice in your tongue and makes foolish errors. We make fun of him, yes?

WESLEY: What happened to you not saying anything?
ANGEL: I got caught up. Obviously a mistake.
HARMONY: Forgive and forget, I say! It"s the Golden Rule.
GUNN: These guys are not gonna forgive, and they"re definitely not gonna forget until we figure out-
ANGEL: Who killed Dupree. I know. Fred"ll be able to tell us some more soon. Dupree"s body should be in the lab by now.
HARMONY: Lab? Our lab?

GUNN: That was fast.
ANGEL: Shouldn"t take long to track down the vampire who did this, set things right.

FRED: ...significant postmortem battering. Suggests prior relationship with the victim. Consulting coroner puts time of death at approximately 1:30 A.M., Which-
Harmony.

HARMONY: Hi! I just thought I"d pop in to see-
FRED: Angel sent you, didn"t he?
HARMONY: Angel?
FRED: He"s all antsy about the demon summit, so he sent you here to rush me, only he doesn"t wanna seem like he sent you here to rush me, so he told you to act all... like that.



HARMONY: Oh! Yeah! Totally.
You know our Angel. So... what do you know? Do-do you know who did it?

FRED: The body"s only been here 20 minutes.

HARMONY: Uh-huh. And don"t you think it"s possible that whoever did it could have blacked out and doesn"t even remember doing it, so it"s totally not their fault?
FRED: I...I guess. Oh, hey, last night was actually... I mean, I really had...kind of a nice time.
HARMONY: Huh? Oh, yeah. Me, too.
FRED: Bite marks are 17 millimeters apart, 6 millimeters deep, on the right side of the neck.

HARMONY: Well, that doesn"t sound like much to go on.
FRED: The size and depth of the wound indicate a female vampire.
HARMONY: Or gay!
FRED: Um...it doesn"t really work like that. Anyway, if you want to hang out again sometime, we could grab some wine, jam to the Dixie Chicks.
HARMONY: Oh, gee, you know, my schedule"s kind of packed right-
FRED: Hey!
HARMONY: What?
FRED: Something you want to tell me?

HARMONY: Tell...what?
FRED: The guy at the bar.
I want to hear all about it.
HARMONY: Oh! That. Uh...well... loser...
Big! Told me he was an astronaut.
FRED: Like anyone would believe that!

HARMONY: I know! Well, I"d better...
OK, that"s it. I gotta get out of here, leave the country. Maybe Mexico. Yeah, I like Mexico. Or Cancun, I hear that"s...

:anyway, I"ll... I"ll start over, change my name. Harmonita-that"s kind of pre-
Bitten on the right. He was bitten on the right!
Oh, my God! I didn"t do it!
Ouch!
RUDY: You sound just like my 6-year-old. He"s always sayin" that-


the red letters: "POSITIVE. Transmitting results."

LORNE: No, no. Yeah, well, I"m talkin" first-degree murder. Yeah, mine, if these demons find out we"re short for gift bags. Hey, Lorraine, you"re a lifesaver.
Harmonica, Harmonica, hey, hey. You seen Danny around? I need him to-

HARMONY: Oh, no. So, just curious, you know those random blood tests? Where do they go?
LORNE: Well, the results get automatically transmitted down to the lab, I think. And then, uh, they-
Did you just hear that?
HARMONY: Hear what?
FRED: Harmony!
HARMONY: I can explain!
FRED: You don"t have to explain anything. I just have to get something out of my... I left my autoclave on.
HARMONY: It"s not what you think!
FRED: OK, so your test came back positive. You slipped, had some human blood. Maybe it was consensual, or...

HARMONY: There was nothing! I mean, I think there was something- I don"t remember exactly. I think somebody must have drugged me. I was at the bar, and then I woke up, and he was there.
FRED: Wait. He?
HARMONY: He. Him! The guy you made me talk to!
FRED: Oh, God.
He"s him?
HARMONY: I didn"t kill him! I"m innocent! See, "cause you said he was bitten on the right. I"m a right-biter.

FRED: Uh...
HARMONY: Look.
FRED: Aah!
HARMONY: See? Right-biter.
FRED: Harmony, stop!
HARMONY: I lean right, which means I bite you on your...
FRED: Left. I get it. Left.
HARMONY: Right! I mean, correct. And since he was bitten on his right, he had to have been bitten by a left-biter, ergo, not me!

FRED: OK, that"s a very convincing argument, Harmony, except your blood test came back positive.

HARMONY: Yeah, I know, but that"s- it couldn"t! It"s a mistake, or... I drank it accidentally, or... Somebody spiked my thermos.
FRED: Why would anyone-
HARMONY: I don"t know. Because- the summit! Someone wants to ruin it, or-
What are you doing?
FRED: I want to believe you, Harmony. I do. I think if we just call and explain what happened to Angel, it-

HARMONY: No! Zero tolerance policy, remember?
FRED: He can help.
HARMONY: He"s not a helper. He"s a chopper. He"ll cut my head off before I get 2 words-

FRED: He won"t!
HARMONY: I"m not a killer!
Well, I am, but I"ve been clean for 8 months... except for today, but that is different because it"s not me!
FRED: Angel will listen, I promise. He"ll want to hear what you have to say, and he"ll understand. Don"t worry. Everything will be fine. OK?
HARMONY: I"m totally sorry I have to do this, and you guys are being super understanding. It"s just till I clear my name. I so owe you guys dinner.

HARMONY: OK, OK, OK. So...I"m being set up. Somebody put blood in my blood. Human blood in my thermos. So, fingerprints. Right. Gotta get my thermos.

VINJI LEADER: SUBTITLE: Dupree"s murderer still walks free.
ANGEL: What?
VINJI LEADER: SUBTITLE: This gathering is cursed.
ANGEL: What is she saying?
GUNN: That want to walk.
Gy men khijin mogor.
SUBTITLE: We"ll make it right.
GUNN: I told her...
ANGEL: I got the general idea. What do they want?
VINJI LEADER: SUBTITLE: If you cannot offer the blood of the killer, one of your own must die.
GUNN: That ain"t good.
VINJI LEADER: Aah!
ANGEL: What?
GUNN: Seems it"s bad luck to get things going before we cough up a little eye for an eye. Seeing as though we don"t have the actual bad guy, they"re willing to accept a substitute.

ANGEL: They want a blood sacrifice? Harmony!
HARMONY: A person makes one little mistake...
ANGEL: Find Fred. I want to know what she got off the body.
HARMONY: Fred?
Right. I"m on it.
Aha!
The smoking thermos!
DAN: What?
HARMONY: Trying to get rid of the evidence?

DAN: What evidence? I was just tryin" to get to Lorne"s protein snack.
HARMONY: Ha! You expect me to believe that? Go on. Admit it!
DAN: Admit what?
HARMONY: That you stole my thermos and filled it with human blood!
DAN: Human...what?!
HARMONY: It is so totally obvious you hate me!
You"ve probably been watching me sweat all day, laughing!
DAN: Hate you? I don"t care about you enough to hate-
OFFICE GIRL #1: Hey, leave him alone!
HARMONY: Mind your own business!
You murdered that guy and put him in my bed!
DAN: Murdered?!
Oh, God!
HARMONY: You did this to me, and now you"re gonna confess!
DAN: I"m-I"m-I"m sorry! I didn"t-what guy? Please, I swear. Don"t kill me!

HARMONY: What the...?
What"d you do that for?
TAMIKA: To make it look like you did.

HARMONY: Why would you want to- Hey! It was you!
Who are you?
TAMIKA: You don"t remember? Think steno pool.
I sat next to you.
HARMONY: Sambuca.
TAMIKA: Tamika!
HARMONY: Right!
TAMIKA: Well, you were only there for, what was it? 5 weeks?
HARMONY: More like 4 1/2.

TAMIKA: I have been there for 5 years! I type 80 words a minute. I have an exceptionally pleasant phone voice. But you"re the one who sits at the best desk in the building. You"re the one in the in-crowd.

HARMONY: You think I"m in the in-crowd?

TAMIKA: Oh, I see you in all the important meetings. You"re on the fast track. Well, that"s all about to change. I have witnesses who saw you attack Danny, and when Mr. Angel hears that I saved him, you job will be mine by the end of the day.

HARMONY: You"re forgetting one thing. Kinda have the advantage.
TAMIKA: Kinda not.
HARMONY: Oh.
I should"ve smelled you!
TAMIKA: You would"ve if you wore less of that tacky perfume!

HARMONY: Chanel"s not tacky!
TAMIKA: Saw you at that bar and I said to myself, "this is it, Tamika. This is your chance." So I slipped a roofie in your drink while you were busy slutting it up. Then I followed you back to your place with that guy and waited till you passed out, and then broke in, had myself a little snack.


HARMONY: That is just... ugh! I am so gonna kick your ass!
TAMIKA: Dust can"t kick!
HARMONY: You"re gonna tell Angel the truth!
TAMIKA: You want to know the first thing I"m gonna do when I get your desk? Smash all of those stupid, ugly-ass unicorns!

HARMONY: Unh!
And then you"re gonna tell Angel how you stole my thermos and filled it with human blood! And how you tricked me-
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
TAMIKA: My lips? Sealed. The key? Lost it!

ANGEL: Funny how that wasn"t on the tape.

GUNN: They"re still demanding a-
VINJI LEADER: SUBTITLE: Whore man has failed!
SAHRVIN LEADER: SUBTITLE: We demand a sacrifice!
HARMONY: I didn"t mean to do that yet.
VINJI LEADER: Quid uab an. Tacha.
SUBTITLE: Works for me.
SAHRVIN LEADER: Kye glau mmm.
SUBTITLE: I"m good.
HARMONY: I...can explain?
ANGEL: You should have just come to me.

FRED: Gee, I wish I would have thought of telling her that.
HARMONY: I"m really, really sorry, you guys. I totally wouldn"t have hit you over he head and put you in the closet if I didn"t have a really good reason. It"s just... I was scared, and...
I know you never wanted me as your assistant, and... OK, I made some bad choices. I mean, it"s not like I have a soul. I have to try a lot harder.




WESLEY: How"s it going in there?
GUNN: Well, so far, no heads are rolling. How "bout in here?
FRED: Harmony could"ve handled it better, but she didn"t kill anyone.
RUDY: You"ll be clean in 2 days, but I"ll be watchin" you.
HARMONY: I know. He won"t have to be watching "cause... I"ll just pack up my desk.

ANGEL: Harmony?
Just bring us some coffee.
HARMONY: So I save the summit by killing the skank who tried to frame me, and all I get is, "get me some coffee." You believe that?
Oh, hey, can I get another, but with one of those little umbrellas?

BARTENDER: We"re out.
HARMONY: Right. Figures.
SPIKE: Yeah, life"s an ever-lovin" bitch, isn"t it?
HARMONY: What are you doing here?
SPIKE: At the moment, hearing a bit of your story of woe.
HARMONY: But...what happened to Europe? Aren"t you supposed to be slayer-chasing or something?
SPIKE: I was on my way. Had a boat ticket and all. Then I put a little thinking into it. A man can"t go out in a bloody blaze of glory, savin" the world, and then show up 3 months later, tumbling off a cruise ship in the south of France. I mean, I"d love to, don"t get me wrong, but, uh, it"s hard to top an exit like that.


HARMONY: Come on. Girls don"t care about stuff like that. Just one look at you, and she"ll forget herself, and she"ll get all tingly, and it won"t matter how horribly you treated her in the past and how you took her for granted, and...
SPIKE: I never took her for gr- Oh. I expect Buffy would be happy enough to see me. It"s just, I gave up my life for her, the world, and if I show up now, flesh and bone, my grand finale won"t hold much weight. All of it... won"t matter.



HARMONY: Yeah-not mattering.
I know that feeling well.
SPIKE: Oh, come on, Harm, you matter to someone.
HARMONY: I do?
SPIKE: Yeah. Girl tried to frame you, didn"t she? Must have mattered to her. Everybody"s talking about it.
HARMONY: You"re right. That girl hated me. She wanted me dead. I matter.

SPIKE: Yeah.

The end

 
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