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THE SHROUD OF RAHMON

White cop: "I"m telling you this creep knows what happened. He"s playing us."

Black cop: "Maybe. He"s got mental problems."
White cop: "I don"t care about that. We got one body already - and if *she* dies..."
Black cop: "If she dies, he"s all yours."

"We can help you. Tell us what you know and we send you back down to holding. Stay quiet and my partner here will dent your skull."

White: "Hey! You listening?"
Black cop: "My guess is you got yourself involved in something a little bigger than you expected. You got scared, you panicked, and in the end there was an officer on the floor. Not to mention the body without a head. - Do yourself a favor and..."
Wesley: "She shouldn"t have been there. She didn"t know! - I had to warn him. He didn"t know what he was getting into. None of them did. If they"d known of them wouldn"t...
You didn"t bring it here, did you? No. No, then it"d be too late for all of us. He grabbed her hard - very hard. I"m quite good with the ladies myself, you know."


Black cop: "Just tell us what happened."

Wesley: "It all went horribly wrong."

Intro.

Wesley: "None of us knew the effect it would have - until it was too late. - I tried to stop him - but I got hit... and I fell... and when I looked up - he had her. He was holding her, then - she was on the floor. - If we"d found out sooner, I would have stopped him. I would have."

Black: "Stopped who?"
Wesley: "He should never have *been* there! Of all people he should never... You don"t tell *him* what to do. He"s the boss."

White cop: "The boss?"
Wesley: "He helps people, you know? - When he"s not in trouble himself. Cordy and I tried to get him out of there. She was with me. Oh God. - Cordelia?"
Wesley: "What happened to your hair?"
Cordy: "Excuse me?"
Wesley: "Your hair. It"s new... - it"s great!
When did this happen?"
Cordy: "Ten days ago."
Wesley: "Of course! I didn"t want to embarrass you by..."
Cordy: "...noticing? - Nice suit."

Wesley: "I was just on my way out to...."
Cordy: "...yet another glamorous, celebrity filled gala with Miss Virginia Bryce?

Wesley: "Have you seen Angel? I thought I might check on him. He doesn"t seem to be doing much with his time lately."
Cordy: "Au contraire. His day is packed. Brood about Darla. Brood about Darla. Lunch! -followed by a little Darla brooding."

Wesley: "Right. Enough is enough. I"m gonna march up there and tell him just that."

Cordy: "Nice posturing!"
Wesley: "Thank you!"
Cordy: "Anyway he"s not there. Gunn"s cousin got involved in something pretty big. Big meaning illegal. So Angel and Gunn went to see if they could help."

Wesley: "That"s good! He"s getting out. Something I"m gonna do myself right now."
Cordy: "A-huh, time to traipse off to your shallow, soul-sucking Hollywood party?"

Wesley: "Premier, actually. And - I happen to have an extra ticket..."
Cordy: "Who does shallow better than me?"

Lester: "He"s cool, right?"
Gunn: "He"s cool."
Lester: "You know, not that I"m prejudiced. I just hate vampires."
Angel: "You"re enlightened, I can tell."
Lester: "See? See how they do? See man? They-they mess with your mind, man! That"s the whole reason I called you, G..."

Gunn: "...is "cause you got a vampire problem, and Angel has a little experience in that area. Yo, spill it! We ain"t got all night."

Lester: "I-I sort of said I"d take this job drivin..."
Gunn: "A-huh."
Lester: "...for that big time crew. I never met them but E. J. vouched for me, and now I"m thinking..."
Gunn: "...you"d like to stay out of prison."

Lester: "Well, yeah, there is that. Then-then I heard they were bringin" in this-this psycho vampire from Vegas. And like I said, man..."

Angel: "What"s the job?"
Lester: "Takin" off some museum. Don"t know which one."
Angel: "What are they after?"
Lester: "Something big. Supernatural. It"s going down later this week, but I"m supposed to meet the head honcho tonight, and if I don"t show... E. J. said if they don"t hunt me down and kill me he will!"


Gunn: "Where"s the meet?"
Angel: "Psycho vampire got a name?"
Lester: "Yeah, uh, E.J. said it-it"s something like, uh, Jee-don, or Joe-don..."
Angel: "Jay-don."
Lester: "Yeah, that"s it. Yeah, yeah, he"s comin" here for the meetin" tonight. They"re picking him up."
Angel: "Where?"
Lester: "Downtown bus, midnight
Hey, what am I gonna do?"
Gunn: "Take the meeting. I"ll get you out before the crime goes down."
Lester: "I owe you big time, cous. Hey, man! *Nice* to meet you.
See you!"
Gunn: "You know this Jay-don bloodsucker?"

Angel: "I know of him."
Gunn: "And?"
Angel: "And he"s a player, big on the nightlife and way too dangerous for you. I"ll take it from here."
Gunn: "You"ll what? - That"s my cousin"s life we"re talking about."
Angel : "Which I don"t want you jumping in this thing, guns-a-blazing."
Gunn: "Since when do I take orders from you?"
Angel: "Since I"m paying you."
Gunn: "This ain"t no paying gig. I brought it to you."
Angel: "And I"m taking it from here. If I can shut it down, great. If not, I"ll protect him."

Gunn: "And what am I supposed to do? Sit home and knit?"
Angel: "I could use a sweater. - Something dark."
Angel: "Darla?"
Kate: "You expecting her? Because that would really cut down on my legwork."
Angel: "What are you doing here?"
Kate: "Well, there is that little thing about a murder she was involved in? You remember, a few weeks ago a guy got his throat ripped out? I"m sure you"re gonna tell me she"s innocent."
Kate: "Maybe not. I don"t suppose you"d testify against her in a blindingly sunny court of law?"

Angel: "I don"t suppose you have a search warrant?"
Kate: "Well, I knew I forgot something."
Angel: "Darla"s not here. I don"t know where she is."
Kate: "I will find her, Angel, you can be sure of that. And when I do, she"s toast."

Angel: "She"s human now, remember?"
Kate: "Toast with life in prison."
Angel: "Listen, Kate, there are forces at work here that you know nothing about."
Kate: "Gathering storm, is it?"
Angel: "Which you don"t want to get caught in."
Kate: "You afraid I"ll get hurt?"
Angel: "No. I"m afraid you"ll get killed. - I"m just telling you this so you won"t."

Kate: "Me dead. - I guess I"d kind of be like you then, wouldn"t I? - You think I"m gonna stand by while you and your playmate finish the game?"
Angel: "Lets try this one more time, huh? You get stuck between me and Darla, it"ll be the last thing you ever do."

Kate: "Let go of me!"
Wesley: "Really, the stain - it"s hardly noticeable!"
Angel: Cordelia, what happened?"
Cordy: "It"s not blood it"s cocktail sauce, courtesy of Mr. Star-schmoozer here."
Angel: "I mean to your head. Your - your hair. It looks great. When did this happen?"

Wesley: "Ten days ago! Pay attention."

Angel: "Why doesn"t anybody tell me any of this stuff..."
Wesley: "We had a little mishap. With the little shrimp - and the sauce - and her dress."

Angel: "You were at a party."
Cordy: "You know, party, soiree, night of a thousand humiliations..."
Wesley: "I spilled it on her in front of Mr. Fat Chow - Chow..."
Cordy: "Chow Yun Fat!"
Angel: "What, you met Chow Yun Fat?!"

Wesley: "How did it go with Gunn"s cousin?"
Angel: "Fine. A group of... Cordelia?"
Cordy: "Listening."
Angel: "Uh, a group of thieves is planning to steal something from a local museum. Probably something with mystical power, which means something we really don"t want them to have."
Wesley: "Indeed! Do you know which museum they will be targeting?"
Angel: "No. Gunn"s cousin didn"t know. He"s just the driver."
Wesley: "We should find out which museums in the area have recent acquisitions. This is wonderful! You"re - You"re on a case! You"re back."
Cordy: "Yeah! It"ll be just like old times, right Angel? Meeting evil, face to face - kicking evil"s booty! Wes and I"ll crank up the research machine and you"ll... - What will you do again?"

Angel: "They"re bringing a vampire in from Las Vegas tonight. His name is Jay-don. He"s got a rep. If he"s involved it"s a big heist."

Wesley: "I"ve heard of him. Isn"t he a..."
Cordy: "...deadly killer?"
Wesley: "Well, that, of course. I was about to say a loud, flashy sort of character."
Angel: "Well, he ran with the whole Sinatra rat-pack thing. Never got over it. You know, I think I"ll meet his bus."

Cordy: "And take his place? Great plan, boss! What better way to get your mind off... things we don"t even need to... How loud and flashy?"
Wesley: "I believe he is quite the extrovert."

Cordy: "Hmm..."
Angel: "What?"
Wesley: "Oh, I-I"m sure you can pull it off. You"re - colorful."
Angel: "This is such an honor! I"m a big fan, you know? When the boss said that Jay-don was coming in I was just like "Whoa, wow!" Hey, can I see the glasses?"
Jay-don: "No one touches the glasses or the hair, doll."
Angel: "Yeah, right, doll! You got it. That"s cool. Oh, oh, I"m supposed to ask you something: Oh, what is it? Oh, god, what is it? Oh, yeah. What"s the password, huh?"
Jay-don: "There is no password."
Angel: "Oh, Just checking."
Demon: "Jay-don."
Angel: "What, you think I"m traveling luggage? Hey, how you doing? You look sharp. That plastic surgeon, he give you a big rebate?"


Demon: "Let"s go. The car is over here."
Angel: "Yeah, you know, the trip was fabo. I love flying coach. And what is that piece of junk?"
Demon: "You"re funny, vampire."
Angel: "Whoa, whoa, we need to talk, bro. Two things bringin" in the chicks the do" and the ride."

Demon: "Get in."
Angel: "I hope I don"t see anybody I know."

Spiny: : "He"s got him!"
Guard: "Ah, vampires wig me."
Spiny: "You feel like a meal?"
Angel: "Don"t tell me you must be Bob, the security guard. and you"re a great big - monster, aren"t you?"
Ugly: "This is Jay-don. - He talks too much."

Angel: "I"m a people person. I like the shirt. Where"d you get that, at Ed"s big and spiny?"

Spiny: "He"s funny. You"re funny. You"ll be even funnier when I crush your head."

Angel: "Funny "ha, ha" or funny peculiar?"

Ugly: "Shut up, all of you!"
Bob: "Hey, I wasn"t talking."
Ugly: "Where is Lester?"
Angel: "Yeah, where is Lester? We can"t get the ball rolling without Lester! Who"s Lester?"

Bob: "The driver?"
Ugly: "He should"ve already been here. I don"t like this."
Bob: "Hey, he"s E. J."s guy. He"ll show."
Angel: "I hate waiting. You got anybody to eat around here?"
Ugly: "Finally."
Angel: "What kind of name is Lester anyways, huh? Norwegian? Finnish?"
Ugly: "What took you so long?"
Gunn: "What took me so long is I"m a professional. I had to case the neighborhood, make sure no cops followed me. Looks like I"m the last one at the party."

Angel: "I told you I"d handle this."

Gunn: "And I told you I don"t take orders."

Ugly: "Something wrong?"
Gunn: "Depends. Do we all got to wear these ugly ass shirts? Is this, you know, a team thing? Because, you know, I got my pride. So what are we looking for? Ming-somethings? Egyptian-somethings?"

Ugly: "The Shroud of Rahmon. Worth about 2 million on the black market. - Do you want to pay attention now?"
Gunn: "You got my undivided."
Ugly: "This is the access door. Bob turns off the alarm at 2:40. We enter, take this hall to the elevator, where we meet Bob at 2:45. We all go down together. - This is the vault where they keep it. The vault has a lock code known only by the curator. That means we have to blow it. Now, the door *has* no alarm, but the vault itself has its own system - a thermal sensor."


Bob: "Any change in temperature will set off the alarm."
Angel: "Guess that"s where I come in, huh?"

Gunn: "Oh, no body heat. I guess that comes with the no soul thing, huh?"

Ugly: "Jay-don enters, he goes to the control box in the back and disarms it. - Then we"re in."
Angel: "How big is the case?"
Ugly: "Big. It"s made of consecrated wood, the edges are sealed with gold. Inside the box is lined with lead. It weighs about a ton. It"s gonna take all of us just to lift it."

Spiny: "I can handle my end. I"m not so sure about him."
Bob: "Hey, I can handle my side."
Gunn: "Yeah, maybe with a forklift."
Bob: "You want a piece of me, huh?"
Angel: "Hey, hey, take it easy, huh? This guy here is a troublemaker. Alright, I know a Vajnu demon, professional driver, never opens up his mouth."

Gunn: "Yeah, and I know a vampire that better shut his!"
Angel: "Hey, guys, I apologize. This is something that I should just take outside!"
Ugly: "I"ve got a problem with that."
Spiny: "So do I."
Angel: "You expect me to spend the rest of this week with this clown?"
Ugly: "No, just the rest of the night. We"re not waiting. We"re doing this now."

Gunn: "Tonight?"
Ugly: "And no one leaves my sight until it"s over. - Anybody tries, they get a bullet from me or a stake from him."

Cordy: "Museums, museums. Okay, we"ve got the Moca. We"ve got the Lacma. Uh, the Gene Autry! Well, it could be a magical stuffed horse!"
Wesley: "Let"s assume not, and try Natural History."
Cordy: "Okay, here we go. Site map - membership - museum shop... don"t they have a section like - things you might want to steal?"

Wesley: "Click on recent acquisitions. Right there. There!"
Cordy: "I got it! Jeez, back seat surfer!"

Wesley: "Angel should"ve been back by now."
Cordy: "Maybe the meeting ran late. Could it be a collection of Chelicerate arthropods?"

Wesley: "Keep going. - Hold it. "On the third of this month, museum research department received the Shroud of Rahmon from a tomb recently unearthed by University of New Mexico archeologists.""
Cordy: "Okay. Two words I don"t like right off the bat: tomb and unearthed. People, you"ve got to leave your tombs earthed!"

Wesley: "Shroud of Rahmon. Have you ever heard of it?"
Cordy: "I"m not big on shrouds. They"re an after you die outfit."

Wesley: "Get everything you can from the museum database, I"ll hit the books."
Angel: "The driver should stay with the truck. Just in case somebody shows up."

Ugly: "We need him inside."
Gunn: "Hey, don"t hit me again."
Angel: "I was trying to protect you."
Gunn: "And I appreciate that. Don"t do it again."
Bob: "We have one minute before Earl makes his rounds. You don"t have to hit him hard."

Bob: "They got me, Earl!"
Angel: Easy! You kill him, cops will be all over us. We have to do this clean."

Ugly: "Tape him. Let"s go."
Spiny: "Come on! Come on. Hurry up and blow it!"
White cop: "This one is a security guard at the Southern California Museum of Natural History. His name is Robert Skale. He"s got a record. Small-timer. The other one may or may not be one M. James Menlo, who likes to crack bank vaults. Our guess is they"re putting together a heist, probably at the museum.

And we picked up this one earlier tonight. We couldn"t make this guy until we ran him past Carlson. He said you knew him.
He"s out of the scope of our investigation, but, uh, Carlson said you might be interested."


Kate: "I"m interested."
Spiny: "You"re taking too long!"
Gunn: "Spine-man, chill. All right? This is nitro. The last thing I want is my body parts mixed up with yours!"

Spiny: "We should have been in the vault by now."
Ugly: "Shut up! No!"
Angel: "Allow me."
Wesley: "The shroud was woven by the head priest, said to have been driven mad by the demon himself. Once Rahmon was defeated the priest dyed the shroud with the blood of seven virgin women sacrificed on the first full moon. Then laid it upon Rahmon"s body in order to prevent his resurrection."

Cordy: "Why is it always virgin women who have to do the sacrificing?"
Wesley: "For purity, I suppose."
Cordy: "This has nothing to do with purity. This is all about dominance, buddy. You can bet if someone ordered a male body part for religious sacrifice the world would be atheist like that."

Wesley: "The shroud supposedly absorbed Rahmon"s power."
Cordy: "So, he who has the shroud has the power. You said Rahmon was a drive-you-mad kind of fella?"
Wesley: "Mmmm..."
Cordy: "I hate it when you do that."
Wesley: "Once in 1803 the shroud was removed from its casing."
Cordy: "And yuckiness ensued?"
Wesley: "Well, yes. The entire population of El Encanto went insane, mothers and children hacking one another to pieces, men roaming the streets like rabid dogs..."
Cordy: "I get the picture. - So in order to take his mind off the torment that is Darla, we sent Angel after a box that makes you crazy."


Wesley: "Worst case scenario, we warn Angel off it before they steal the shroud."

Cordy: "Just as soon as he comes back - unless of course - they"re stealing it right now."

Bob: "This shroud is gonna make us rich! I can feel it. Can you feel it? This is gonna be amazing!"
Gunn: "How"s it going in there?"
Angel: "Everything"s fine."
Gunn: "I feel something weird in here."
Spiny: "Humans always got to *feel* something about everything. And they always got to tell you about it. "I"m so happy - I"m so sad - I"m so scared." Makes me sick."

Angel: "Oh, now, I like it when they"re scared! Makes them taste kind of - salty."
Spiny: "Did I ask for your opinion, you overgrown leech?"
Angel: "Oh, please! Altoids, aisle 4!"

Ugly: "We don"t have time for this! - Let"s get it and go."
Gunn: "When are they gonna start making some pretty demons?"
Ugly: "On the count of three - 1..."
Gunn: "You about to turn or something?"

Angel: "No."
Ugly: "2"
Gunn quietly: "You don"t look like "no.""
Angel: "Shut up and lift, Lester!"
Gunn: "Don"t give me orders, Elvis!"
Ugly: "3."
Wesley: "So it is tonight. They must be somewhere inside. Oh, I"m sorry - I"m - I"m feeling a little..."
Cordy: "Me too. I think it"s the altitude."
Wesley: "Right. The altitude here at sea level."
Wesley: "Let"s - let"s not lose focus."
Cordy: "Maybe we should split up."
Wesley: "Ah, no, too dangerous. We - we better stick together."
Cordy: "Right."
Kate: "This is detective Lockley requesting backup. Got a possible 4-5-9 in progress at the museum of natural history."
Angel: "Try holding up your corner, Les."
Gunn: "Who died and made you corner monitor?"
Spiny: "Are you two gonna get married or what?"
Gunn: "Same old story. Vampires always pushing people around. Think the world is theirs."
Ugly: "From what I"ve seen of this world they can have it."
Bob: "Well, I visited Topkapi once."
Gunn: "Nothing but take, take, take - take your blood, take your sister!"

Spiny: "Somebody shut that human up!"

Gunn: "You want to take somebody, huh? Lets see you take me!"
Bob: "It"s slipping!"
Ugly: "Don"t drop it!"
Spiny: "Hold it! Hold it!"
Bob: "Oops."
Angel: "You know I"m getting pretty tired of this "vampires killed my sister so now I"m all entitled" song. Don"t you know anything else, like say MacArthur Park?"

Gunn: "Get your hands off my throat."
Angel: "Ah, ah, ah! You"re gonna play nice? - Huh?"
Gunn: "Cool."
Ugly: "We can"t leave it here, we have to move it! Someone else will come along! Lets move it!"
Spiny: "Kill him. Kill the human! Kill it!"

Ugly: "Case."
Bob: "All righty, partners, it"s roping time! Tonight I will be playing the part of the poor defenseless calf. Who gets to be the cowboy?"
"Just make it tight. Okay, cowboy? It"s got to be tight. It"s got to look real. Ha, ha, ha! I"m not the bad guy, I"m the good guy!"


Angel: "I"m the good guy - no wait - the bad guy!"
Ugly: "Pick it up!"
Bob: "No, wait. You"ve got to hit me. - Look, somebody"s gotta hit me! Come on, man, you got to hit me. Do it. Come on, make it real!"


Spiny: "Looks real to me."
Kate: "Where is Angel?"
Wesley: "Angel? - Right. That"s why I"m here - to warn Angel about - something important! - Your hair!"
Kate: "You"re here to warn Angel about my hair."
Wesley: "It"s blonde!"
Wesley: "The shroud! He"s got to know about the shroud! It will make everybody - it makes everybody - act differently!"
Cordy: "My teeth are so - big! I - am - pleasant."
Wesley: "We have to hurry before it"s toо late." "I noticed your hair right away."

Cordy: "Oh. Hello, plastic person. You"re all by you"re lonesome in here. So, I guess you won"t be needing this."
Ugly: "Fingerprints!"
Angel: "What are you doing?"
Ugly: "We left fingerprints!"
Angel: "What are you doing?!"
Ugly: "They"ll find us. They"ll take it away!"

Angel: "Forget him. Keep going."
Ugly: "No fingerprints!"
Gunn: "I got to put it down."
Spiny: "Huh?"
Gunn: "I got to put it down!"
Spiny: "See? Stinking humans, good for nothing!"
Angel: "Try to keep going."
Gunn: "I can"t. I can"t. My head - it"s full of flies!"
"Get away from it. Get away from it!"
Spiny: "I don"t need any of you."
Angel: "What"s wrong now - son, huh? Getting a little tired? Little backache? A little toothache? What...?"
Wesley: "Angel? Thank God I found you in time. Is it in time?"
Angel: "Wesley?"
Wesley: "Yes! I had a message for you. And the message was... the shroud! The shroud, very dangerous. It makes people - bad! Although it"s amazing how good I feel!"

Angel: "Wesley, get out!"
Wesley: "Is that Gunn? What"s he doing here? I never thought of him as the museum type."
Angel: "Wesley - Wesley..."
Kate: "Police! Nobody move!"
Angel: "Wow! - Look at you - rushing in here all by yourself! You"re the best cop ever."

Spiny: "Too many humans."
Angel: "Excuse me that is *my* girl."
Kate: "Stay back."
Angel: "Whoo! Okay. You got me. My life of crime is over. I"m going down. But first - a little impression. I"m a cop- with a mission to protect the innocent and rain on everybody"s parade and obsessed about my father"s death and bother people who are about to steal things!"

Wesley: "Angel..."
Angel: "Oh - Katie - what are you so afraid of? - Is it this? Is it the part where I"m gonna kill you? Because I got to tell you I love that in a woman!"
Swat: "Don"t move! Police!"
Wesley: "Oh, I-I didn"t..."
Swat: "*Don"t* move. Stay where you are."

Swat: "Oh my God!"
Wesley: "Kate, come on. Wake up!"
Swat: "We have an officer down."
Gunn: "You drank her. - Animal! You drank that cop!"
Spiny: "What now?"
Ugly: "Open it."
Angel: "Oh, that"s genius! Good thing we didn"t think about that back at the ol" museum and miss out on all this *swell* heavy lifting!"


Ugly: "Open it! There is a catch."
Gunn: "That works too."
Ugly: "I got it! I got it!"
Spiny: "No! No! You don"t know what this means. You have no idea what this is about. It belongs to my people. MY people."

Gunn: "Your people? I didn"t see none of your people when we was hauling this thing!"
Angel: "Hey, fellas! Fellas! - Cool your jets, alright? There is plenty here for all of me!"

"Okay, how does this work, huh? Huh? The person with the biggest piece gets their wish?"

Ugly: "No!"
Spiny: "Don"t hurt it!"
Angel: "What about you, Lester? All of a sudden you want it too?"
Gunn: "I get this, I"ll kill you."
Angel: "Yeah, too bad, kid. Tell your wishes it won"t come true."

Spiny: "It"s mine!"
Gunn: "Got it. Got it. Got it!"
Angel: "Wait! Wait. Gunn, I remember. You have to - trust me. I know what to do with this. Have faith, kid."

White cop: "You want us to believe - that a magic sheet..."
Wesley: "A shroud! A shroud."
Black cop: "Right. Right. Right. It turns people into super strong lunatics, right? So, one rips the head off a guard and another viciously attacked Detective Lockley. That about it?"
Wesley: "I know how it sounds..."
Black cop: "I really don"t think you do."

Wesley: "What are you doing?"
White Cop: "Arresting you."
Black Cop: "For the murder of the guard and the attempted..."
Kate: "Let him go."
Angel: "Stay down or they"ll kill you."

Wesley: "I don"t think he"s coming down."
Cordy: "Hmm."
Wesley: "I don"t think recent events did him a lot of good."
Cordy: "Again a hearty - hmm."
Wesley: "We had every good *intention* of course."
Cordy: "Right. Sending him into the path of a crazy-making, one-way-ticket-to-evil-town death cloth. - Good plan."

Wesley: "It"s not the shrouds effects on him that worry me as much as..."

Cordy: "As what? My stealing? I returned everything. I swear."
Wesley: "Angel drank human blood, from a living person. - Something he hasn"t done in a *very* long time."
Cordy: "So, on top of everything else we may have reawakened his bloodlust?"
Wesley: "Yes."
Cordy: "Hmm. - Full days work then."

Wesley: "I think so."

The end
 
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